Monsters
The first ever love story I’ve finished. I’ve imagined love stories ever since I can remember imagine love stories, they started at prince and princess fairy tales so long ago. Even though they’ve changed so much since then, there are usually the same elements of those first stories in there somewhere. FEEDBACK would be greatly appreciated, comment or bmail me on your thoughts or ideas about it and I am forever in your debt.
Monsters belongs to the following groups:
Short stories - Spherical ScriptingsI lie under the covers, cradling a hunk of metal, the bundle of cheap foreign electronics which keeps me close to you. The sickly sweet passage of your tongue appears on the screen, from far away familiar thoughts taint the air where you write me your poetry, prose of feeling, immaculate words.
How I spent my nights waiting on those words to fill me up, like party poppers and wine glasses, raging and overflowing. I waited for your words and missed them when they were gone, doted on them and gave them refuge in my chest.
I was their home and they were my treasure, glistening more than diamonds ever could inside the lonely caverns there, filling up the empty space with their hollow shouts “Keep us here, safe and warm. Keep us in this place”
They stayed there, keeping them warm and warming in return, their safety was our livelihood and I captive to their little games and torments. The fire in their eyes and bellies shook my bones when they screamed out into the darkness, running down unknown passages and tearing down those familiar paths when their boredom got too great. Their voices echoed through me as they slept, repositioning themselves for tomorrow.
I housed their terror and ecstasy, feeding them on words; the breathless, plentiful words that delivered hope and constant conditions for their survival. They thrived inside my beating heart until the day those words stopped; our connection grew still, and the beasts hungered.
The enormous creatures rampaged inside me, wild with hunger and merciless from the pain, they tore down all that lived there. Ripping open every sinew in siege of my body, the place they’d lived so contently, continuing each day to destroy what was left of me, all they had lived and enjoyed there.
The monsters grow weak, weak from hunger and exhaustion, leaching onto anything to fuel their futile effort to stay alive. Slowly they die, leaving the ruins of their past, their home in me and their life inside me. Rotting, healing, bubbling away; waiting for the next guests.
bennypuer
so good! don’t care if people say its creepy, this is awesome!
xx
bennyboy
kossimarsalsa replied
hehe, i still haven’t replied to this comment! hey guess what (you probably know by reading my journal, meh) this one got featured. i’m rather happy because this is my baby, i love this story.
xx
s-a
KMFalcon
A touch of brilliance there. Loved it!
kossimarsalsa replied
thank you, i really love this story personally. really, it’s just a description of how i felt at a certain time and a discription of a bit of my life that was rather interesting (and probably helped my writing a crap load, gotta love that).
this story is so amazingly personal for me, i like to see what other people can take out of it and how they interpret it. so glad you enjoyed it!
xx
s-a
KMFalcon
Yes I’ve found writing is a lot cheaper than a therapist. That you anthropomorphise the emotions is a particularly strong way to express them, and has worked really well.
kossimarsalsa replied
thank you, in truth i was just thinking late at night about how i felt and started coming up with lines of speech and decided i had to write it down and (after some editing) it turned into this. i’m really happy with it.
xx
s-a
cassandralilley
it’s not creepy,
it’s brilliant.
great wording.
you executed this so well!!
kossimarsalsa replied
thanks love! i scared a few people at school with it, twas amusing.
xx
s-a
Katrina De'Vries
Fabulous!! I love this, just love this!!
Katrina De'Vries
Fabulous!! I love this, just love this!!
kossimarsalsa replied
thank you, i’m glad that other people enjoy this, it seems like a small personal triumph in some way.
thanks so much for the feedback!
xx
s-a