Wake Up Little Susie (Phil's version)

It was the same old story and I was getting pretty fed up with shelling out for popcorn and hot dogs. I don’t know what was up with Susie; was she stupid or something? Did she really think I was gonna give her much airtime if she didn’t open up a bit? I’d spent the whole afternoon mowing old Mr Ratchet’s lawn to earn a few bucks for the drive-in tonight, and she keeps batting my hands off like I really brought her here to watch Doris Day mooning around with that fag Rock Hudson.

I could see Bill in the next car over with Julie Hotchkiss, or ‘Blowjob Julie’ as she was more popularly known. She ducked down out of sight and Bill sat back easy against the headrest. Damn! I grabbed Susie’s hand and let it rest on the horn, but she pulled it away quick and said “Phil!” in that whining, complaining voice that was beginning to give me a sharp pain in the ass. If she didn’t come through tonight, she was history. That new girl Donna Butcher from out east was clearly on the lookout for a guy. She wasn’t as stacked as Susie, and that brace on her teeth was a bit of a turn-off, but she had a look in her eye that promised that Saturday night at the movies with her might not just consist of cracking popcorn and actually caring about what was happening on the screen.

The movie ended and Julie re-appeared. Bill had a grin on his face that tore out my liver and had me reaching for the door handle. I weaved through to the trees to take a piss listening to the giggles and sighs coming from the other cars, and determined to have a last crack at Susie before I gave her the elbow. Those tits were just too good a prize to let go without one last attempt. Let go? I hadn’t even got my paws on them yet.

The second movie started up and it seemed like we were the only ones watching it. Not Doris Day again! I was sick of the sight of her face. She got into a bit of a clinch with Rock and I put my arm round Susie taking it nice and easy, and letting her get used to it. We sat stock still like that for as long as I could bear, then I began to ease my hand slowly from the collar of her blouse to the top button. I managed to pop the first couple and was just sliding down into the opening when Bill appeared at the window and knocked. I could have killed him.

“You got any rubbers Phil?” he asked with a leer. “I’m clean out.”

I was caught both ways. Either I handed him one, giving Susie an indication of my deeper intentions, or I said that I didn’t have any, and risked the ridicule of the guys when they all found out I was getting zilch.

“Sorry man, I’m clean out myself,” I finally answered. This was going to be interesting.

“What did you tell him that for?” Susie demanded after Bill had gone back to his car.

“It means I haven’t got any,” I said.

“It means you did have some and you haven’t got any left Phil Everly,” she was choking back a sob.

“It means my reputation is shot,” she continued. “It means that everybody’s gonna think that I put out for any…any Tom, Dick or Harry ….that was nice of her… on the front seat of some lousy car. They’ll be calling me Sureshag Susie next.”

There wasn’t any danger of that. And what about my reputation? If the fellas knew the unembellished truth, I’d be a laughing stock.

“Wake up Susie!” I said. “The guys all call you Frigid Bridget, and I’ve wasted just about as much time as I’m going to, trying to prove them all wrong. Your goose is cooked baby. You’ve popped your last piece of corn in my car. You can suck my dick!”

And blow me, she did. That’s all it took. A little wake-up call.

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Wake Up Little Susie (Phil's version) by 

This is Phil’s version of Wake Up Little Susie by The Everly Brothers

Here’s Don’s

I paint watercolours and write short stories.

If you would like to pay me lots of money for my stories e-mail me

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  • Tuliptree
    Tuliptreeover 4 years ago

    Studs and slags, eh? Isn’t it a relief to be a grown up?! Anyway, very funny, flows very nicely and is a good but not too distant departure from the original song. You’ve quoted the song less directly than you did with Hey Joe and that’s made it your own. Brilliant.

  • Thanks Charlotte. I don’t really consider myself to be a grown-up though!! Glad you liked it.

    The other version (Don’s) is closer to the original, but twisted of course.

    – ian osborne

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