Guess the weight of the cake

As soon as I saw that cake I knew I had to have it. I was buzzing that day and nobody was going to stop me. The walnuts on the fudge topping did it.

I forced rum down Old Ma Baker’s throat behind the burger van until she retched but she still wouldn’t tell me. Finally I had to threaten her at gunpoint during the lunchtime lull and take the bloody thing.

It must have weighed 3 pounds 12½ ounces before I took a bite.

I’d been fooled again. It wasn’t fudge, it was coffee. I hated coffee icing.

I went back and threw it down onto the cake stall, bitemarks and all. Why was that old witch grinning at me? I was gonna go nuts. I could feel it rising.

FUDGE, I shouted.

A spasm shot through me – convulsions.

I understood then. Old Ma Baker had outwitted me.


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Guess the weight of the cake by 

Written for Flash Fiction challenge #19 in which we are invited to choose a quote and write a piece inspired by it.

I chose this……

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

I paint watercolours and write short stories.

If you would like to pay me lots of money for my stories e-mail me

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  • Marsha Elliott
    Marsha Elliottalmost 5 years ago

    Are you sure you’re not absorbing too much cadmium from your paints???? ha!

  • Probably drinking too much red wine and sitting in the sun Marsha.

    – ian osborne

  • Lawford
    Lawfordalmost 5 years ago

    Coffee icing huh? Dead right.


    – ian osborne

  • Mardra
    Mardraalmost 5 years ago

    Hilarious – in a dark and cunning way :)

  • Thanks Mardra

    – ian osborne

  • Cathryn Swanson
    Cathryn Swansonover 4 years ago

    Good take on the quote! :0)

  • Thanks very much Cathryn!

    – ian osborne

  • highbeam
    highbeamover 4 years ago

    A great little story… beware the fudge- or was it that damn coffee icing!

  • Thanks for looking Russell.

    – ian osborne

  • Solar Zorra
    Solar Zorraover 4 years ago

    I adore cake…….but coffee icing?……….not so much. Great story. :)

  • Thanks Solar. I hate coffee icing……but not this much!

    – ian osborne

  • Arcadia Tempest
    Arcadia Tempestover 4 years ago

    Ahhh the old poison in the coffee icing trick…yep it gets them every time.
    Coffee icing that is what they serve at Starbucks and places like that me thinks!
    Great flash work with a good side order of morgue :)

  • Glad you enjoyed AT

    – ian osborne

  • Natella2020
    Natella2020over 4 years ago

    I’m with him on the coffe icing..Blech. Great entry!

  • Thanks Natella. Yeah fudge I like…coffee icing makes me murderous.

    – ian osborne

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