Are you tired of candidates who talk big and wuss out at the last minute?
Are you sick of government full of corporate shills and terrorist sympathizers?
Are you bored with the same old politicians, breaking promises like a Tasmanian devil in a china shop?
Did that last simile make any sense to you?

Then Sprinkles the Epileptic Shar-Pei is the candidate for you! Sprinkles will not capitulate to special interests (unless they have biscuits)! Sprinkles doesn’t know the meaning of the word “quit” (or “bathe”, or “bladder control”)! And only Sprinkles has the balls to take on America’s enemies, toe-to-toe (well, he did before he was fixed, but I think the vet still has them)! In a country where so many candidates spout the same feel-good messages, only to turn around and sell your liberties and your livelihood to the highest bidder, isn’t it good to know that there’s a candidate on your side? One who will never sign away your rights, because he’s incapable of holding on to a pen.

Now’s the time, ladies and gentledogs! Make your vote count! And if you’re ever in doubt, just repeat to yourself this simple phrase: “How much harm could a little dog do?”

Paid for by the Commission to Elect Claudius P. Sprinkell