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Fish Heist

“I stole a fish
Out of your tank
I just wanted it
The colors were pretty
So I took it out and put it in my thermos
You are probably thinking that one of the other fish ate him
So you won’t miss it
I like the fishy
He is my new friend
Sometimes he gives me his fin and tells me all his sorrows
I listen very carefully
At night when he is scared
I go to his tank and sing him a song
Just a little off key
He loves to play Bass Masters video games
I know I thought that was a little weird too
A fish who fishes
I can never beat his high scores
After I get off of a hard day’s work
He has dinner ready for me
Usually chicken or pork
Sometimes lobster
He is so prejudice against shell fish
This kind of irritates me
Just yesterday we went for a walk
Me and your fish
I put him in a glass and took him to see a film
It was Deep Blue Sea
He liked it ok, I didn’t
That fish hasn’t seen a movie he didn’t like
This kind of irritates me
So when we got home I deep fried his tropical ass
He tasted like shit
I used his bones to pick my teeth
Sorry I dismembered you prize fish
You’ll be glad to know
That my actions have brought on
Misery
Every time I go to take a shit
I can hear his heart beating in my toilet
His fish soul haunts my plumbing
When I sit there
On the toilet
I play my hand held video poker
To keep his torments
From driving me insane
Sometimes it works
Most of the time
It doesn’t
His little heart beats
Get louder and louder
I wish he’d go away
Leave my plumbing you bastard
I scream from time to time
He stays
His little heart beats
Get louder and louder
I write you this message
From the grave
I couldn’t take the guilt no more
So I filled the bathroom
With dry ice
Choking off my air
If I had it to do twice
I wouldn’t have committed
This fish heist
Fin”

Fish Heist

Jason Lee Jodoin

Joined August 2007

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Artist's Description

A poem I wrote a few years back

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