mister  khan

mister khan - Journal

Best in the World, RUSSIAN FEDERATION

pregnant future?

Posted 9 months ago

this morning i found myself on the threshold of one of those futures pregnant with hope, but with worrying ultrasound results.

Comments: 5 comments

a genetic obligation.

Posted over 1 year ago

i’m half pakistani, half british, and as such am gentically obliged to have an opinion on this PAKISTANI CRICKET MATCH FIXING FIASCO, again.

if anybody as talented as these two bowlers (they are seriously, seriously good) needs to risk everything (wealth and godlike status in an impoverished futureless nation of disaster-victims) to do something as idiotic as what is being suggested (give …

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mister khan- quitting poetically, the epilogue. (back on the job)

Posted over 1 year ago

the boss bought me breakfast- but i was still drunk
from the night before, drinking with some random bore.
totally forgot what i was meant to say,
(and very much to my to my lament)
ended up asking for 60%.


mister khan- quitting poetically.

Posted over 1 year ago

this morning i tried to quit my job-
they will not let me go.
i wrote a spanking letter, yeah-
the boss read it and said ‘no’.
i told her she’s a total div
said i’d lost the will to live
given all i’ve got to give.
tomorrow- she’ll buy me breakfast.


cohabiting with khan...flatmate roulette.

Posted over 1 year ago

i’ve got a new flat mate called marcello. basically he’s an italian skinhead communist punk, and infinitely more interesting and intelligent that charlie the rothschild banker, who turned out, in the end, to be a proper fucking banker. marcello is also meticulously clean, cooks pasta at least five times a week, and on average gets betwen 3 and 6 girls’ numbers every evening. all…

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australian election ***UPDATE***

Posted over 1 year ago

it may not come as a surprise, but i really don’t know why we bother having elections. US, UK, AUS, France. Haiti. it’s just prick after prick. such a farce.

personally i’m a big fan of the chinese approach. there are many misconceptions about the chinese political system- the reason they don’t have elections is very simple- it is for simplicity’s sake.

if they did they’d have elections, what the…

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Comments: 20 comments


infinite wisdom from the rabitollah- stopping the mass debation.

Posted over 1 year ago

during these troubled times, i often find people in my parish distracting themselves from real life by talking about the ‘god vs science’, ‘intelligent design vs evolution’, ‘allah vs darwin’, ‘neighbours vs home & away’ or ‘purposeful conception vs.“the oh-shit-jospeh-pull-out-its-too-late”’ mass debates.

if you yourself…

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21st century fetishes, no. 1 in a series of 12

Posted over 1 year ago

girls in facemasks.

smog brings its benefits.
girls in moscow are wearing facemasks.
and the more they facemask, the skimpier their clothes are becoming.

enter: the antiburqa.

girls who may have been previously shy of provoking attention with their faces recognisable, suddenly receive a burst of al-aqsa brigadesque courage, and are revealing themselves in a delightful array of suicidally short sum…

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anna fermanova- russian spy?

Posted over 1 year ago
a few years ago, whilst recruiting nanny’s for kids in moscow, one candidate got the thumbs up by basically turning up with her blouse undone. she didnt get that particular job…and for reasons of professional propriety i waited till i was no longer involved in that venture before giving her a call.

her name is anna fermanova, and she’s just been done for doing her husband’s…

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mister khan- jerusalem. a great advert for religion.

Posted almost 2 years ago

good friday. the day jesus gets nailed. jerusalm. the place he got nailed.

a pretty sombre affair for lovers of the old hippy. the shebangle coincides with passover- the biggest celebration in the jewish calendar. just so happens it was they who nailed him.

proof at least that even if god does not exist, at least his sense of humour does.

so easter/passover is a rather tense affair in the old cit…

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