Our Stan, Doris & the Bike Ride

Now our Stan he wuz givin a compass
Of which he was inordinately proud
He could tell at glance which direction wuz best
And he wuz not just going all round and round

He liked a good walk did our Stanley
And often wuz seen up in t’ills
On’t weekend you cud see fer miles and miles
with views t’make yer heart fill.

Now our Doris is wife wuz quite different
And didn’t quite share in Stans passion
She restricted herself to making is bit
With butties like to go out o’t fashion

So whilst e wuz out in all weathers
Our Doris she remained stay at home
She did all is mendin and cleanin and such
So folk didn’t gossip bowt their home

Trouble is Doris wuz bored
With spreadin and dustin ant like
So she thought for a change of t’scenery
She’d go fer a ride on Stan’s bike

She brought bike right out o’garage
An down t’roadside she went
Where some workers were workin an diggin some oles
Makin road good fer all as paid rent

Now she knew that Stan wuz up in is ill’s again
Although she did not know quite where
So she made up some butties and crisps and some pop
And adjusted bike seat wi some care

For now she had quite a problem
As her frock wuz obviously too tight
So she altered the length, pulled up oe’er er knees
Til the hem seemed just bout right

But she still couldn’t get on’t bike you see
Cos the cross bar it got in the way
And no matter she fiddled and fussed wi er frock
She liked to be there all day.
Much to the joy of the workmen
Who were avin much fun wi this show
Till she pulled them a face and stuck out er tongue
It were cheek but she knew they wud know

Then she ad inspiration
A knife to frocks seams she wud take
And then on’t bike she would be off
A’ followin straight in Stan’s wake

But this did not work as an action
It was fiddly and not very bright
For no sooner she’d cocked er leg up all lady like
She’d got a great tear in er tight

Removing said items whilst sittin on’t kerb
Caused such a fuss and palava
That it caused workmen t’laugh and neighbours curtains to twitch
When Doris she’d sooner they’d neither.

Now before eed gone out that mornin
Stan ad oiled is chain good an proper
Trouble is, it ad dripped and spread everywhere
An Doris ad come such a cropper

Cos she’d sat in the oil pool
As it lay and sun wuz an ot un
Now feelin quite wet Doris then checked
findin now she ad a slick bottom

Things were not going well for our Doris
In trying to go for her ride
She wuz all to give up and call it a day
Instead of takin all in er stride

Er clothes they were dirty and torn
Her legs they were slimy and wet
She must a thought it all over an finished
Until she saw the best yet

For walking up road came our Stanley
A’ whistlin and stridin is best
When all of a sudden e saw Doris
Sittin as if takin a rest

Now wot be you doin quoth Stanley
A’ sittin side o’t road like a tramp
You’ll be getting folk talkin and callin us names
As well as makin yer backside quite damp

Well Doris would ave non o’ this
And listin to port with a sigh
Picked up yon bike ant threw it at Stan
Who caught it mid air with a cry

Bike an Stan both fell over back int road
Just as steamroller went past
Tragedy then struck as roller went oe’er bike
And Stan in whose hands it were clasped

Oh no shouted workmen an Doris
An neighbours ran out in a shock
For the workmen had just laid their tarmac
An Doris ad sorted er frock

For Stan wuz flat as a pancake
An’t bike it wuz fairly destroyed
An the moral to this sad tale Is keep things as they are
Not to change them is to keep them enjoyed

Our Stan, Doris & the Bike Ride

Kenart

Joined January 2008

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Artist's Description

Monologue with apologies to Marriot Edgar

Artwork Comments

  • janpiller
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  • Kenart
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