Red, Swirly and Pointed
Red, Swirly and Pointed belongs to the following groups:
! Creative Writing & Poetry ! and Twisted TalesAlien fingers? How the hell would she even know what alien fingers look like?
“Daddy,” she continued, “everyone knows that Alien Fingers are red, and swirly and they have very pointy ends.”
“What…?”
“Alien Fingers, Dad!” She sighed impatiently.“They’re two for one at the Quik Stop at the corner. Can we stop to get some?”
Again he was at a loss for words. “What…”
“Alien Fingers, Dad!” She repeated, all patience in her voice gone. “Where have you been all your life? In a cave?” Her shoulders heaved in disgust at her ignorant father. Another impatient sigh. “It’s just candy. I mean really. It’s not that complicated of an idea. Can we stop?” Long pause. “Pleeeease?”
He sighed with relief. “May we.”
Now it was her turn. “What…?”
“May we stop. You’re asking permission…”
“Geez, Dad!” Then the syrupy sarcastic tone that always bristled him wrong. “May we stop at Quik Stop for the Alien Fingers?”
“Red, you say.”
“Yes! Red! Daaad!”
“Of course we can.”
He pulled into the parking lot. She dashed in. Less than 45 seconds later she bounded back to the car while opening one of the long, sickly sweet, red, swirly, pointed candies on a stick.
“Thank you, Daddy!” She said angelically.
“You’re welcome.”
That night when all was quiet in the house and after he checked all the doors, he began the ritual of undressing for the night.
“Red Alien Fingers indeed” he muttered while he removed the flesh colored glove that covered his blue, swirly, pointed fingers. “Everyone knows that alien fingers are blue.”
Banalheed
This is an excellent take on the prompt and hugely enjoyable. I would just look at the point of view narration though. At times you mention the father as “he” in third person and other times it becomes first person “I”
Karirose replied
Ah, thanks. Will review it now.
Karirose replied
Here’s hoping I spotted errors in narration.
Banalheed
Yes – I think you sorted it now. :)
Miri
very nice twist & great take on the prompt….made me giggle…i’m sure i was that girl once…tho i’ve got pretty normal fingers!
Karirose replied
So happy to hear your fingers are pretty normal. :D And thanks! :D
Debbie Irwin
Fabulous =)
Karirose replied
Thank you Debbie! Glad you liked it. :)
lightsmith
LOL. Magnificent.
Karirose replied
Thank so much! I’m glad you found it funny. Thanks for the read and comment.
Paul Rees-Jones
I have a little girl like that (11) and funnily enough we had the MAY/CAN discussion last night…LOL.
Loved it!
Karirose replied
When I taught high school I was still working on the MAY/CAN issue—I don’t get it, it’s so simple. But then again, a friend and I got into a rather heated debate on the subject just recently. Perhaps it isn’t as clear cut as it seems! LOL
Glad you enjoyed the story. :)
Matthew Dalton
Nice work Karirose. Great father daughter dialogue.
Karirose replied
Thank you, Matthew. I’m happy the dialog worked. It came from memories of discussions with my dad as well as the reverse situation with my kids.
MillicentMorrow
Very cute use of the prompt. Terrific dialogue.
Karirose
Thank you, Millicent. I appreciate you reading. :)
Zolton
Hee hee. Very good. Oooh… I hope I wasn’t that obnoxious to my parents. He must have been quite insulted at the faux pas. : )
Karirose replied
LOL! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m sure I was that obnoxious to my folks! hee hee
Lenny La Rue, IPA
O. M. G. But…but…but is she the daughter of an alien and too colourblind to know the colour of her fingers? Or was she wearing “perma-gloves” she couldn’t take off and she she was an alien?
You are sooooooooooooo on my poop list!!!! Can I spank you now? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I get half the credit for this??? ”...It came from memories of discussions with my dad as well as the reverse situation with my kids.” I was like sooooo the inspiration!
Karirose replied
Well, Lenny my dear, I had given the father/daughter relationship a little thought and wondered who would bring it up. I couldn’t decide if daughter was adopted or if Daddy married a human. I think the latter and daughter took after the human parent.
No, you may not take credit. You may check out the prompt GeorgeLenz
Of course, should you chose to take credit I can not stop you. LOL Thanks for reading. :)
Hayley Cafarella
giggle, great twist. I love the image of the nagging kid, which is kinda nostalgic, being shattered like that :)
Karirose replied
Thanks, Rella! I’m delighted it gave you a giggle. :D
Micky McGuinness
I really enjoyed that… pre teens… worse than teenagers! A great twist as well.
Karirose replied
Ah yes, pre-teens and teens. I am presently in that lovely time frame of life after my children’s teens and before my grand’s teens. LOL
I’m glad the twist worked. I thought it was a bit obvious, but ran with it anyway. :)
jcmontgomery
Well told, and what a twist…great!
Karirose replied
Thank you, JC! Much appreciated. :)
anya
nice story Karirose!
Karirose
Thank you, anya, and thanks for reading :)
blueravenice
A very entertaining read makes you smile Thanks :)
Karirose replied
Thank you, and thanks for reading :)
Matt Roberts
Lol. Great :p
Karirose replied
:D Glad you liked it! :)
skinnyman
A lovely write, made me smile :o)
Karirose replied
Thank you! I’m so glad it caused you to smile. :D
Michele Markley
Michele Markley
Congratulations on winning the first short story challenge in Creative Writing and Poetry.
Karirose replied
Thank you so much, Michele! It is indeed quite an honor to be the winner in the first challenge.
ArcadiaTempest
Ahhh loved this….quirky and creepy all in the one…sweet twisting piece of prose…well done! XX
Karirose replied
There you go again with all your wonderful wordage “sweet twisting piece of prose”! I just wish that reading your works would cause some of your wonderful verbiage to rub off on me :D So glad you liked it!
marieangel
great Write….love your feed back too it does help …congrats on your deserved feature..;))
Karirose replied
Thank you on all counts. It was a fun write and I’m glad it turned out to be a fun read. :)
Sandy Woolard
Congratulations on winning…Great short story and creative!!!
Karirose replied
Thank you! I’m pleased you enjoyed it. :)
kashmirecho
Great work, well done!
Karirose replied
Thank you! Glad you liked it. :)
Rudywalsh
Congrats Karirose,i liked it alot,really captures you.
Karirose replied
Thank you! I’m glad it captivated your interest. :)
fesseldreg
Congratulations! A well deserved winner! :)
Karirose replied
Thank you so very much! :D
hopelilly
Very good, I enjoyed that immensely.
Karirose replied
So glad it was enjoyed it. :) Thank you!
gemini63
A great tale congratulations on the feature well deserved :))
Karirose replied
Thank you very much on both counts. Thanks, also, for reading. :)
petersargison
Well done on your win. Hope you’re doing victory laps! ;)
Karirose replied
Thank you very much! Do verbal victory laps count? :D
BikerAngie
absolutely fantastic i look forwards to more of your stories
Karirose replied
It was fun to write. I’m glad you enjoyed it :)
itsnoteasy
Love it! Nice, surprising ending.
Karirose replied
Thank you! So glad the ending was a surprise. :)