My Broken Spirit Limps
An elegy or lament by Karin Taylor after the loss of Basil (my beautiful cat)
18 March 2014
My broken spirit limps forward
I am like a soldier who has lost the battle
With each explosion rendering me deafer
I crave the darkness where I will sleep
I hope the vaccuum of gloom is near
I will surrender to it
Let the light of day wait its’ turn
It has a duty to perform only to those living
I am silent in my grave of slumber
No more do I speak with intent or passion
I am clothed in hessian and speak only
if spoken to, there is no desire left in my heart
I have closed myself to any possibility
of being persuaded otherwise
I am like the vodka, still and transparent
and this is the distillation process
Why does pain remove my impurities as nothing else can
Why must I sorrow for days on end, in rituals unending
Why do my eyes court tears, as if bound
in a recycled tragedy orbiting in never-ending nothingness
It is as if space and time co-exist
only to impart an echo
that hollow repetition that traces the outline
of sorrowful thoughts deeply etched in solitude
More nothingness, fills the voids of nothing,
nothing plus nothing equals nothing at all
My laughter has run away from home
My smile has found safe harbour elsewhere
In the mirror I reflect on my pale tense freckled face
I notice the plainness of myself
Heavily bagged under-eyes
I am bereft, waves of grief wash over me
I miss my boy, his sweet face, his warm cuddles
All through every day, I notice he is not there,
where once he was, there is no sign of him, no trace
of his little face. I pace, pace, and pace.
It does not bring him back, I cannot go to him.
I can only wait for the day I will go where he has gone.
Will he thank me, will he love me
or will he run from me in fear.
I will not know until I get there, to wherever he has gone.
I will not be able to tell you what happens, even if I know,
you will not. I can hope all I like for what I want, but there is no indication, that my hopes will materialise and become reality.
I am lost…lost on a sea of endless uneasiness
The ropes are tattered and the sails are rent
The sea is my abyss today, not my muse, not my love, nor do I care
When something you love leaves, grief is underscored.
My beloved Basil (our family pet) passed from this world to the next a couple of days ago, he had terminal cancer. I am so sad and miss his lovely presence.