Julialala

THIS IS VERY, VERY LONG. HOWEVER, EVENTUALLY, AFTER MUCH RAMBLING, I DO ACTUALLY MAKE A POINT.

For the past few weeks, everyone I know has been saying I’ve found my one true love and that it’s inevitable that we’re going to get married. Funny. Funny, firstly because we’ve never met (we talk on MSN after being introduced by a mutual friend), and because they actually seem serious.

The reasons we’re apparently meant to be are because we get on well, and have a lot in common. Fair enough, but he’s still a complete stranger in many ways. We both love art and music, like the same foods, the same animals, and have a lot of common interests. But those are interests I share with a lot of my friends – people I know a lot more about – and I’m not intending to marry any of them. Yet my friends insist it’s bound to happen.
(Oh, and we’re both mental, but I’m starting to believe there are a lot more nutcases in the world that we realise, some of us are just nicer than others. )
I see him as someone I get on with, in the same way I get on with my best friend, school mates, and fellow RedBubblers; you share similar interests which is how you make friends, right?
I’ll admit we do click but I don’t see myself dating him, let alone marrying him. I suppose since I’m 17, I don’t have marriae on my mind at all, naturally.
What doesn’t help is not knowing how he feels about me, if I’m an acquiantance, the love of his life, or a cult.

Anyway, after this rather long-winded introduction, I can begin to talk about what I actually want to – love.

People fall in love, and when they fall in love, they go crazy. I know this because I’ve seen it happen to many friends (just last night I went to the movies with a group of friends including a girl who claims she’s in love with one of the guys we went with. When I asked her about the last boy she’d been in love with, the boy she’d called ‘The One’ , she looked me dead in the eye and said she didn’t give a damn if he lived or died.)
When it comes to my friends, I think they fall in love with the idea of falling in love, and simply find someone to use in their dream. They say their hearts flutter and they go weak at the knees and cannae stop thinking about them. That’s nice.
So, as I was saying, when people fall in love, they go crazy. They are blind to the bject of their affection’s many imperfections. They’re mad about the person, have them in their thoughts and dreams, want to be with them, make them happy, and learn everything about them, know them inside out.
The thing for me about love is, people fall in love.
As soon as they hit the ground, they seem to bounce, because they fall out of love.
As soon as this happens, all the little things they never saw come to light. The fact that they never really liked their laugh, or their accent, or their taste in music. It seems that people want to know everything, and once they do, they get bored, or realise it’s not what they hoped it would be and that’s the end.
After hitting the ground for a second time, after having bounced as a result of the first fall, all that’s left is a cold reality.
And now that you’re alone, having fallen in and out of love, you now hate the person’s guts.

And it’s like that with every aspect of our lives. When people form a band, it’s new and exciting, the endless possibilities, the great unknown. You’re in a band with your best friends, and it’’s fun. You play together, tour together, get to know eachother better than anyone else does, you’re so close. And then it changes, things get stale. And so, the band splits and you all hate eachother’s guts and refuse to acknowledge eachother’s existence.
It happens in any kind of business I suppose – with music you might get a little closer, perhaps.

So, all of these things made me wonder if human beings are ever truly happy, or if we spend our lives making a series of ever increasing fuck-ups, until we die trying. I’m something of a miserablist at times, and far too cynical for my own good, I know this.

My point in all of this is about love. I know that sometimes a boy and girl meet, love eachother, and are together until death. Awww. I’ll admit, it does sound nice. But it seems too rare.

What about the rest? Those who fall in love, fall out of love, over and over, searching for true love.

When I listen to the Beatles, nearly all their songs are about love. Truel love, real love, falling in love, lost love, forgotten love, mad love, LOVE.
And, their lyrics must be based on some kind of love, surely.
I adore their song, Michelle. I like the idea that two people can love eachother, even though they don’t understand eachother at all, they don’t even speak the same language.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
That’s all I want to say.
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You’ll understand.

Michelle, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont trés bien ensemble,
Trés bien ensemble.

I need to, I need to, I need to.
I need to make you see,
Oh, what you mean to me.
Until I do I’m hoping you will
Know what I mean.

I love you…

How can that not make you smile!?
When Paul McCartney wrote those lyrics, he was dating Jane Asher. Her name was Jane. She wasn’t French, nor did she speak it. Do you see where I’m going? He wrote those lyrics simply because he needed lyrics for that song, which he wanted to have a French theme. I don’t know if he had actually ever dated a girl called Michelle, or anyone foreign.

I think a great many songs are about love, and of those, often about broken hearts and lost loves. Are those songs about different people, or the same person? If they’re about the same person, is that person the one ? If yes, then why aren’t they with the writer of the song?!

My mum never found real love and nor did my father, or my stepfather. My grandparents were married within three weeks of meeting, and together forever.

Perhaps true love does exist. Perhaps it doesn’t. Perhaps those who are with the person they ‘love’, from the moment they set eyes on eachother till the day they die, didn’t find love but settled for something good. I don’t know. I have never fallen in love, and so have never fallen out of it, so all that I say is really just the view of a (very cynical, over-thinking) outsider.

For now, I find myself questioning whether people actually know what it is that they’re looking for – with work, love, life – and if they ever find it, or die trying.

But who knows, maybe my friends are right, and I am going to marry that boy. Perhaps, supposing we ever meet, it’ll be love at first sight and we’ll be together ‘til death do us part. Or maybe I’ll be the maid of honour at his wedding. I’ll let you know.