Suicide the Other Side (Part two)

For those who know someone who has committed suicide, the other side….

Often when someone commits suicide we ask WHY???
Why didn’t they talk to us, why didn’t they reach out? Why didn’t I see their pain?

Most people who commit suicide don’t want to be a burden to anyone, they think they are making life easier for those around them by ending their lives.

Let me give you an insight into what it is like to be in this place, yes I speak from experience, but thankfully I am still here. Some of this may feel a bit overwhelming or confronting, but that is how someone in this position actually feels.

People with cancer are often given a idea of how much time they have left, an opportunity to say and do all that needs doing.

People with heart problems sometimes get a second chance, but everyone knows there’s always a possibility it will happen again.

Someone with a sever injury is given support, counselling, retraining and understanding.

But what if something happens to you that is just as life changing but society and those around you don’t see it or realise it’s severity?

Often we feel as if we have no hope, no longer able to do the job we love, no longer able to be with the person who is our soul mate, no longer able to do the things we used to enjoy. Everything that is important to us has been taken away but no-one seems to really understand.

Constant pain, no chance of rehabilitation, no retraining, no support networks. Knowing we will have to live with this forever, living a bleak life with little chance of fulfilment. Some of you may say there’s always hope and help if you reach out, but sometimes there really is nothing anyone can do and sometimes we really can’t reach out.

Before someone takes this final step this is some of what is happening for them.

“The pain hits, constant and ever increasing, firing a bombardment of electric shocks to the brain. My brain freezes, stop, stop, stop. The only thought the brain gives is ways to stop the pain. I am no longer in control, my brain has taken over my body. The computer that is me has malfunctioned and is set on autopilot. All it knows is that there is nothing left, only blackness. I have to end this pain forever. My body carries out the brains final command and both my body and my mind are free – I have found peace at last!”

What the brain has failed to perceive is that when the pain ceased for me, it only moved from me to those who I love the most. Oh cruel, cruel mind, how could you have blinded me so?

My legacy is for my family and friends to forever be left with the agony of grief, an enduring sorrow. If only my brain had been able to perceive this it wouldn’t have told me to do what I did. But that is exactly why no one could stop this person or help at this point, because the brain, the thinking, rational part of us has malfunctioned and the person does whatever they have to do to make it all end. To make the pain stop.

This does not mean there is no hope. If help and support are given before people reach this point then there is a much greater chance of survival, but just as people still die from heart attacks, a malfunctioning heart, so people still die from a brain malfunctioning. Unfortunately we are human beings that are made up of many vital organs and if any of these fail it usually results in death. The brain really is just another organ and it too gives out when it is put under too much strain.

Why have I shared this with you? To let you know that if you loved and cared for the person who has gone and you were there for them, then you did all you could. They have died because a part of their body has failed, not because of something you did or didn’t do. People who ‘suicide’ in reality die from a disease just as anyone else, it’s just the disease is of the organ that we know as the brain, instead of the heart or kidney or liver.

I hope this brings you some comfort at this sad and agonising time.

Journal Comments

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