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Suicide, The other side (Part One)

For those who have ever contemplated suicide, lets look at the other side….

Most people who commit suicide think that the world and their family and friends would be better off without them. They often feel they are a burden to those around them. If this is you then let me show you the real burden.

Most of what I am writing comes from reading the memoirs of a friend who has lost someone to suicide and talking to many others who have lost those close to them.

Often we are driven to suicide by pain be it physical, emotional or spiritual. We just want it to end. Our brain can’t take it any more….but by releasing ourselves from pain we inflict it on the people who know us and care for us, for the rest of their lives. We often feel people don’t care or understand, yet think, if you were dead, who would show up at your funeral. Even if it is only one person, do you want to inflict unending pain on them.

This will give you an insight into that pain…

These are the words of someone who has lost someone they care for, to suicide, “Please help me so that one day I will heal and that the agony will slowly depart. The feeling of emptiness that I feel is truly indescribable as is the intensity of my pain. I am left behind feeling totally rejected.
You may be at peace now, but the turmoil you have left behind is overwhelming. Your death has caused so much pain. I feel I have lost part of myself . Guilt and Fear live with me now. I have lost my self esteem. I doubt myself at every turn. I am no longer confident in many ways.
Sleep is impossible, but I try, I lay there and think over and over WHY???? When I do sleep it’s always restless and I hope to wake up and find it was a dream. Of course that doesn’t happen and the reality is pain that never stops and tears that seem to go on forever. I aimlessly get about the daily routine achieving nothing and getting nowhere. When you took your life you took ours as well.”

Is this the legacy you want to leave behind for those who care for you.

For most of us the answer to this would be, “No, we want to make life easier for them.”
So this is not the answer. Go and speak to a friend, ring your Doctor and tell him you are feeling suicidal. Don’t be afraid to admit it. It is better to get help and to learn to live again than to cause all those around you a lifetime of suffering.

I have been where you are if you are thinking like committing suicide, and I know that no matter how much pain I am suffering or how despondent I may be, that tomorrow is another day and with that comes the hope of something good. I would rather endure my suffering than transfer it to someone I love.

I have also found that even in the midst of pain and suffering we can find happiness and love and hope. I speak from experience as I live with constant pain and yet when I take myself
out in nature and spend time just sitting watching the ocean or a beautiful sunset and I know that life is still worth living.

I still need to ask for help when things become overwhelming, but I know that the inconvenience that this may be to someone is much better than the pain and suffering they would endure if I was gone.

If you would like to connect with me I have a blog called “Healing Art”:http://juliaharwood.blogspot.com/ and I am on Google+
facebook and on “Twitter”: http://www.twitter.com/JKHarwood/
I would love to talk to you.

Journal Comments

  • Julialala
  • Julia Harwood