’’MIRIAM AND JOHN;; ONLY IN BLUE ROOM COPY
MAJOR ACT ONE SEQUENCE COMPLETED 44
INT BROADWAY TAVERN – NIGHT
The bar is a large rectangular shape, not very different from the shape of Ireland. It keeps the customers close to the sides of the room. There are customers around the pool tables,on the left. There are other customers siting around the bar.
Facing the television sits DAVID who looks like Donavan, the pop star.
Just inside the door sit DOUGLAS and ANDREW.
All three have their backs to us, drinking pints.
Serving at the bar is STEVE, the publican.
DOUGLAS is talking to ANDREW. He is wearing a short-sleeved shirt, and trousers, shoes and socks. DOUGLAS is a LBJ lookalike; is as tall. He has
retired, but is before pension age.
ANDREW is wearing a dark T shirt, and black flannel trousers; and ankle sized
boots. ANDREW looks like the fuzzy faced longhaired member of THE
GOODIES. He has medium height; is fat.
DOUGLAS is prods his finger into ANDREW’s chest and thighs.
That’s the weapon, that has
killed many a man. The secret weapon
of the Scottish Highland Commandos.
ANDREW, still giggling from trying to avoid the prodding, cannot get to his beer.
He watches DOUGLAS gulp from his glass, who then laughs loudly.
From the effect on me, they must
have all died laughing. But, can you. 45
put a man to sleep like Mr. Spock?
DOUGLAS looks at ANDREW with feigned authority
Mr. Spock is fiction. There’s
more than one way, me lad; more.
ANDREW. ‘More’, yes; and something in
particular. Do you
ANDREW orders a round of drinks; carries on talking inaudibly.
A man in Scots traditional attire is yelling victorious atop high battlements
as a giant of a man is toppling already a quarter of the way to the ground,head first, where three other bodies already lie in crumpled positions.
RICHARD BURTON is in the ‘Alexander The Great’, Cutting the Gordian
A man is labouriously pushing a large round rock, twice his size, near to the
top of the hill. There is a cunning look in his eye, a bit of a smile developing on his mouth. He pushes the large rock with a loud shout of self-satisfaction, and watches it fall into place, at the very top of the hill. The man runs around the rock, looking at the ground, dancing, almost. He picks up two long stemmed tools and kicks at the mounds of loose clumps of earth and stones, and charges down the hill, shouting madly.
Mr. Phelps of ‘Mission Impossible’ opens a dossier. He looks at two faces we do not recognize. The next item is a photo-copy of the Great Train Robbery, write-up. Then: a photo of a fortified castle of building, with the name: CODITZ, printed at the bottom.
Someone who looks very much like Sean Connery, says: “Ofcause, there are such things,” smiling disarmingly, both dimples, appearing on both cheeks, “but then, you don’t expect that you hear about them: only the 46 imperfect ones.”
ANDREW holds open his packet of Benson & Hedges to DOUGLAS
May your gi’in’ han’ ne’er fail ye!
A mini caber for a cobber!
DOUGLAS holds out his lighter for ANDREW.
We’ll make a Scotsman of you, yet!
Aye! Make a Scotsman of an Andrew!
They are both laughing.
ANDREW holds up a finger to DOUGLAS, who turns to him attentively.
Is getting a job not still a problem?
Would you consider using other talents?
Joining St. Andrew and Alexander and
Mr. Phelps. Using brains, possible
Man handling, and a swift run of rabbits
out of the magician’s hat? No, I mean
money! From the vault, instead.
DOUGLAS is taken aback. He looks around.
And if you’re serious, shouldn’t
you be wary lest the wrong ears’
DOUGLAS nods his head to STEVE, as he says this, having ascertained no one else close enough. STEVE, thickset, is about medium height, wears short sleeves, trousers and tie.
DOUGLAS sees this.
DOUGLAS notices that ANDREW nod to someone behind his shoulder.
DOUGLAS turns his head, this time expectantly, towards DAVID.
DAVID wears a dark blue, polo neck jumper, and corduroy trousers: some NIKE-type shoes. He’s about the same size as ANDREW, but he is not fat.
DAVID raises his glass.
Lachai da…. [something gaelic]
DOUGLAS’ smile disappears as his head turns back to ANDREW. He is talking with his teeth clamped shut. ANDREW is downing some more beer.
Could never stand the bastard!
Well, since it is not a wedding,
but maybe a welding, under
con si de ration?
_DOUGLAS, finishing the second half of the pint, puts his glass down on the bar. He looks at ANDREW like a master at a pupil.DOUGLASFoolproof, did you say?ANDREWYes sir! Three bags full, sir! We swap_
ANDREW and DOUGLAS turn their heads towards the sound of sandals flapping as someone walks closer in, through the Open door.
The person wears a towel cloth shirt, and jeans. He has shoulder length hair, like he’s just washed it. In his hand, like always, he has his small, very powerful magnifier. He is of average height like the others, except for DOUGLAS.
ANDREW greets the person.
Good day! KLAUS! They say Skylab
can peep down on us more clearly
than you can probe the paper money.
DOUGLAS lights up.
But, of course!
How you going, KLAUS?
Hello! DOUGLAS. ANDREW! They
say GOLDFINGER could now
bribe someone in Skylab to help
him cheat at cards.
Shows KLAUS on another day with a crowd around him, each looking through that powerful magnifying glass.
INSERT within the above INSERT FILM-CLIP. 6
A Monetary note, enlarged some 150 times. All the wavy lines turn out to be someone’s signature repeated countless times.
KLAUS moves to the corner of the bar, closest to the front door, his usual spot. He drinks midi’s.
DOUGLAS looks from KLAUS to DAVID to ANDREW to STEVE.
STEVE puts two pints in front of ANDREW and DOUGLAS, looks righ\ left
and then puts a small glass on the bar in front of himself.
This is for us!
DOUGLAS watching, STEVE eyes DAVID, KLAUS and ANDREW.
All four are holding their beer-glasses in their hand.
DOUGLAS reaches to take hold of his pint.
Alright, Andrew, fill me in!
STEVE looks both ways again.
DAVID moves closer, sits facing DOUGLAS and ANDREW.
KLAUS does the same at the other side.
DOUGLAS looks at ANDREW.
They’re also keeping their eyes open
And closing the gaps? Dogs spot-mark
their territory with pee: we drink it for
thirst, to celebrate, or, talk shop.
This time the cat won’t know who put
the collar with bells on it. DAVID, KLAUS
and, yourself, are all well trained personnel,
all unemployed for over two years, after
being retrenched. We have long been
talking about the perfect crime. How’d
you like the adventure of taking part in one?
I have a foolproof plan for a heist.
They won’t even know it happened…
[FILM-CLIPS INTERSPERSE THE CONVERSATION.]
INSERT. FILM CLIP.
ANDREW jumps naked out of his bath, shouting: “Eureka!”
counterfeit money for some
years, now; starting as a hobby…
KLAUS is at work, smiling, enjoying peeping at his craft with his extra
INSERT within previous INSERT. FILM-CLIP
Blown-up STILL of monetary note KLAUS is examining.
…I clean the bank…
INSERT. FILM-CLIP. 8
ANDREW gets out of his car with cleaning gear; yawns; jams the key into the
front door of the bank, and almost as though still in his sleep, punches the
numbers to disengage the alarm.
anything electronically controlled…
INSERT. FILM CLIP.
DAVID is occupied amidst arrangements of pieces of computers, photocopiers, safes, clocks… Each taken apart at a different stage. Written on a blackboard is: “The perfect crime is the one they do not know, happened.” There is a poster of Hudini on the wall.
…STEVE is our manager.
DOUGLAS picks up his cigarettes, lights one, puts the second in his mouth, lights it with the first, and passes it to ANDREW.
I suppose you realize we are going to
replace the money with the counterfeit.
he constantly studies. He studied his craft under the very person who designed the Australian currency. Finishing artist, I think. He looks like Phil Collins, the pop singer, looked, a few years ago.
decides to make his pitch decide
with a bit of a bang, letting out a gasp
He is about to proffer the benefits of his mind.
DIALOGUE EXERCISE AS SET BY ELIZABEH JOLLEY
1. Dialogue of conflict with establishment of relationship, establishment that one character is emotionally deprived. Stage setting. Stage Directions. Costume. Lighting.
SCENE. A flat. Curtained large window. Delapidated bookshelves filled with videos and books and old LPs. and some dusty crockery, are all round the room. Also stacks of cardboard boxes used as high tables or sideboards: these, stacked together are the only furniture, except for two chairs. If you see any crockery at all, you see pairs: two cups, two glasses, two plates…There are two people sitting in front of a stack of boxes holding among other things a TV set and a VCR. They are both students, casually dressed. There is no surfboard, visible. It is dark. There is a lamp on the side, somewhere. No ceiling lights are working. Sheets of paper and pages from newspapers and magazines are pinned to the stacks of boxes. The TV is on but they ignore it, like anyone else is, who is caught, as a third party in an argument. The large window is at the back of the set, in front of which is at least one bookshelf and at least one stack of boxes, holding the TV and VCR. The audience sees the backs of the two characters. They are also a third party. The flat does not belong to either of them.
CATHERINE; Why don’t you just admit you don’t love me?
ANDY: How can I admit to something that is not true?
CATHERINE: But it is true, isn’t it? You just make use of me. You know that I
ANDY: Nonsense. Whatever happened, happened by accident.
CATHERINE: Yes. I ran out into the street. You banged right into me.
ANDY: And you are blaming me because they named the street LOVE ST.
CATHERINE: You are playing with words again. Yes, I DO KNOW that there
IS such a street almost next door to your block of flats.
ANDY : There was also one next to my school. The side road. They sold lots of
things there. Hawkers. Seafood with fifteen options of sauces to dip your
CATHERINE: So I am not enough for you. You want fifteen different girls.
Andy: No. I am fifteen short of WHATEVER! I have’t done any thinking about
WHATANYTHING! I have not yet thought of me, as wanting. I am
still just picking as I walk. WHEN I AM picking. Why can”t we be
together just because we happen to be together?
CATHERINE: Because we don’t HAPPEN. We are here because I have
always been here KNOWING that AGAIN you will be coming here. But
that is all that ever happens. We never go anywhere. We have NEVER done
anything THAN WHAT WE DO. EVER.
ANDY: What is wrong with that? Isn’t COMING HERE what it is that we
are DOING? I mean if this were your place…. I’d say I have come here
to visit you. Maybe you should SAY: “Don’t come to see me. Lets
meet in town. Or, come just to pick me up to go WALK THROUGH THE
POLLUTION SOMEWHERE.” I mean IN AUSTRALIA,. SMOG IS
HEALTHIER THAN CIGARETTES. There’s no NO SMOGGING signs
Anywhere. Even worse. The smoggers have their windows wound up tight.
Some EVEN AIR CONDITIONED…. while I… whose friendly female of the
species screams that LOVE MEANS YOU WILL TAKE ME OUT TO WALK IN
THE SMOG. Stroll and hold hands and … grin and breathe it all in and …
think of not smoking as something to do with virtues.
CATHERINE: It is too easy to compare everything to what is larger than life; and
so just dismiss anything that is less. If you look from Lesmurdie, your smog is
hanging all over the city; probably also inside your open window. SINCE IT
IS THAT SHOULD BE.. it can’t be that YOU are ashamed to be seen with me:
It can only be your selfishness. You need my body here so you can reach out, or
pretend to reach out, to me. Anyone would think that our days are lost like your
hands, ever inside my clothes. If only they knew. All you do is gawk at me,
look at me like your eyes have gone walk about. Is that supposed to be adoration,
that look in your eyes? You look like you want to be shot, looking wonder
struck, using my eyes, as the camera. If you come down to it, my only purpose
here is to witness your abilities. I bet, if we did go to the beach, it would only be
to watch you balance on your fancy ironing board?