Through thick or thin, I could always count on your love and support to carry me through. You have taught me to take life one day at a time and to just keep plugging away no matter what. You have never torn me down, in any way, even when I was the most insane with my actions and manner. Even though you didn’t understand my teasing and picking, you never acted like I was anything contrary to your heart and always somehow knew I was just being silly. You accepted me just as I am, regardless of how I was with you.
I have always tried to keep the worst part of myself away from you for fear that your heart just couldn’t stand the strain. But as I look back at all I’ve been through, I believe it would only have set you back a little and not to the point of turning your hopes and joys away from me. I will never, ever try to test that theory though, as I would be devastated if it did. You mean so very much to me, in more ways than I could ever say. If that makes me a momma’s boy, oh well, get over it world.
Your infinite patience has allowed you to endure a great deal of hardships in your life. Nothing seemed to keep you down very long and you have never lost hope. It pleases me to no end that your life now is full of pleasure and good friends to keep your days a blessing to you. You deserve so much more. Your friends are of good character and genuinely seem to enjoy your presence. Even with your busy schedule, you always find the time to call me and let me know how exhausted you are from all the running around you do each day. When you don’t call for a few days, I would call just to see that everything is still ok with you and I shouldn’t worry.
I know your time is coming and I pray that when it does, it will be fast and sweet, for you deserve a passing that doesn’t deal with a lot of suffering. I don’t know how I will deal with your passing, but I hope it will be with grace and acceptance. I know you wouldn’t want me to suffer the absence, but rather accept that your time had finally come to be with your father in heaven. I should and shall remember all the good things that have passed between us and know that not a time went by without letting you know that I love you, even as you have done with me. That is one thing that I will never take for granted for as long as I live.
Take care, I will talk to you soon.
With much love,
I’m posting this letter because I’m too chicken shit to send it to her. A friend suggested that I write out my feelings to her. She said that it was necessary and I feel that if I do, she will pass on. So I’m letting it show here at least first. It has me worried so bare with me.