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A Letter to my Mom

Dear Mom,

Through thick or thin, I could always count on your love and support to carry me through. You have taught me to take life one day at a time and to just keep plugging away no matter what. You have never torn me down, in any way, even when I was the most insane with my actions and manner. Even though you didn’t understand my teasing and picking, you never acted like I was anything contrary to your heart and always somehow knew I was just being silly. You accepted me just as I am, regardless of how I was with you.

I have always tried to keep the worst part of myself away from you for fear that your heart just couldn’t stand the strain. But as I look back at all I’ve been through, I believe it would only have set you back a little and not to the point of turning your hopes and joys away from me. I will never, ever try to test that theory though, as I would be devastated if it did. You mean so very much to me, in more ways than I could ever say. If that makes me a momma’s boy, oh well, get over it world.

Your infinite patience has allowed you to endure a great deal of hardships in your life. Nothing seemed to keep you down very long and you have never lost hope. It pleases me to no end that your life now is full of pleasure and good friends to keep your days a blessing to you. You deserve so much more. Your friends are of good character and genuinely seem to enjoy your presence. Even with your busy schedule, you always find the time to call me and let me know how exhausted you are from all the running around you do each day. When you don’t call for a few days, I would call just to see that everything is still ok with you and I shouldn’t worry.

I know your time is coming and I pray that when it does, it will be fast and sweet, for you deserve a passing that doesn’t deal with a lot of suffering. I don’t know how I will deal with your passing, but I hope it will be with grace and acceptance. I know you wouldn’t want me to suffer the absence, but rather accept that your time had finally come to be with your father in heaven. I should and shall remember all the good things that have passed between us and know that not a time went by without letting you know that I love you, even as you have done with me. That is one thing that I will never take for granted for as long as I live.

Take care, I will talk to you soon.

With much love,
John

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I’m posting this letter because I’m too chicken shit to send it to her. A friend suggested that I write out my feelings to her. She said that it was necessary and I feel that if I do, she will pass on. So I’m letting it show here at least first. It has me worried so bare with me.

Medically retired from the Army with a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia, I have travelled across the country until finally settling down in the mountains of NC. I have been seperated from my wife since 1996 and have become the best of friends ever since. I have written four books and hope to write 1/year from now on.

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Comments

  • coppertrees
    coppertreesalmost 4 years ago

    Beautiful JR

  • Many thanks Vickie.

    – JRGarland

  • YouBet
    YouBetalmost 4 years ago

    Tears want to flow but it is my gut that feels this the most. This is beautiful, honest, raw and bold. Well done!

  • Many thanks Lin.

    – JRGarland

  • Arco Iris  R
    Arco Iris Ralmost 4 years ago

    What a beautiful letter. Not everyone tells a beloved one that he or she loved them and they regret it when it is too late. Send her the letter. Or better stil, if you can visit her, hand it to her personally or read it to her. Sometimes saying things are difficult but writing is much better to express what you are feeling without leaving a word that you would have liked to say. If the worst that you feel might happen if you do, it will not happen because of you. If you are there when it happens than she will appreciate it very much to have you near and make it easier to say goodbye. You are not a mama’s boy. I really don’t think that of a man who loves his mother very much. So go ahead send it or read it to her personally. You will have peace of mind.
    xoxoxo Iris

  • Many thanks Iris. I am considering very heavily at sending it to her. Tking it to her personally would be even more difficult at this time since she lives over 400 miles away. I really appreciate your feedback.

    – JRGarland

  • raymondoantonio
    raymondoantonioalmost 4 years ago

    WHAT A WONDERFUL MOTHER AND WHAT A SUPERB, HEARTFELT TRIBUTE!!! BRAVO JR!!!

  • Many thanks Ray.

    – JRGarland

  • Cosimo Piro
    Cosimo Piroalmost 4 years ago

    best to express what’s on your mind and in your heart now than wait when you can’t share your feelings with her….regrets can be a hollow experience. Heartfelt and caring write JR….she sounds like a person who has an open heart.

  • That she has Cos. I am deeply considering sending it to her. Many thanks for your feedback.

    – JRGarland

  • Kristin Reynolds
    Kristin Reynoldsalmost 4 years ago

    oh! if I were your mother, this would bring me so much pride and joy at having raised such a man as you.
    Truly, what re you waiting for.
    this will make her beam.
    beautiful, so beautiful!

  • Many thanks K. I really needed a mother’s view on this. I don’t know why I am so fearful in sending it. I just am.

    – JRGarland

  • MtnRainbows
    MtnRainbowsalmost 4 years ago

    I’m with Kristin, this would bring her tons of pride and joy. Send it man!

  • Many thanks Sandy. With all of this encouragement I just may.

    – JRGarland

  • Pamela Phelps
    Pamela Phelpsalmost 4 years ago

    This is so beautiful John, your bravery for sharing this is great! The bond between mother and son is so evident, you are both very lucky people to have shared life throughout these years!

  • She has been a Godsent to me for sure. Many thanks Pamela.

    – JRGarland

  • autumnwind
    autumnwindalmost 4 years ago

    You are a son to be so proud of. I agree with many, and with tears in my eyes, I, too say give it to her while you can. There is only great beauty in your words. She will love this and treasure it forever. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  • Many thanks Shar. I’m trying to build up the courage to send it off. It’s not an easy task for me as it really shows too much of me. That is something I’ve never been able to do before RB.

    – JRGarland

  • shootback
    shootbackalmost 4 years ago

    Beautiful feelings expressed perfectly…:)

  • Many thanks Todd.

    – JRGarland

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