Loneliness : Stream of Consciousness 5 by JPunko

I sit alone sipping a glass of red wine as streaks of light begin to filtrate the darkness of the sky.
For every minute I lay in contemplation there is a candle melted into a pool of wax, like a trophy for wasted time.
Thoughts of you and other enter my mind and quickly fade into boggling perceptions of the future.
My eyes wander around a room in disarray with a longing for completion.
This room y which my eyes are entranced ironically seems to metaphorically reflect my waking life.
Everything is scattered with no where to be put “away,” so to speak.
Bits and pieces of my personality, interests and past lay strewn across the floor.
There is no stable or cohesive furniture, just overflowing Rubbermaid bins.
The most prominent aspects are the empty wine glasses, melted candles and half smoked bowls that dominate my makeshift desk.
It is in these forbidden dusk hours that I dwell upon the choices I have made.
I have come to make myself believe that the ends will ultimately justify the means.
My poetic rhythm has left the tip of my pen and seems to be swirling in the smoke that is dancing towards the ceiling.
The flickering of light cast on my walls soothes me like an entrancing lullaby.
The soothing tweaks of a guitar accompanied by hauntingly beautiful piano harmonics emanate inspiration.
Emotions filtrate my veins and my nerves begin to twinge.
A sense of longing overtakes my aura and I begin to feel stuck.
This strange yet ever present awareness of my loneliness bounds my soul.
This adjective I so rarely adhere to my own being now seems inescapable.
Lonely. I suddenly have an overwhelming desire for romanticism and intimacy.
I am unaware of how these feelings have encompassed me en masse like desperate protesters.
Could it be possible I am caving to the preposterous desires advertised in high definition box office hits, I wince at the thought.
Should I be putting on an act so to find a suitor?
I try my hardest to refute the idea that this is was life boils down to.
Must I be coupled off?
Alone vs. Together does not line up with my Happy vs. Sad.
I feel my tensing muscles reflect the erratic beat of my heart as my mind tries to fight these thoughts.
Although, I must admit his eyes tantalize me with their ever present mystery.
Sadly I feel as thought I will not be able to fit my hand in his, that for some reason our lives won’t intertwine.
But, am I, in reality, my own demise.
Do I create this lonesome fate through my reluctance.
I could quite possibly inject the negativity present in my life.
I need to take a deep breath and let out this relieving sigh.
Let me out of this hole, for I wish to no longer reside in the depths of loneliness and pride.