I was young, frail, withdrawn and lonely,
My thoughts were grey, my big eyes empty,
but full of sorrow, pain and despair, Distorted
view with some distant images clear.
The valley ahead seemed much too wide
And The river felt far too deep,
The Mountains were way too high,
Avoiding the world’s chaos, My only safety
net was to sleep.
I felt no purpose really!
My journey ahead appeared long,
my shame and disappointment,
entangled in a road that already gone!
My future world, well,
I found it difficult to paint,
Like I was Waiting for something to happen,
Although at least I had the power to wait.
All my life i’m self-destructing,
Always guilt ridden and quite disrupting.
Is it me? Or is it the others? I’m Self-rejecting and have dysfunctional lovers.
My Past safety Patterns no longer prove useful,
cause it’s so much easier for me to live youthful,
Not change my old familiar role,
Act out defence,
And hide in my hole.
Still to this day I seek independence,
With a desire to recover,
And still very eager to discover,
Without hiding in-between,
or going under-cover!
Alone I escaped my garden of agony,
A witness to not such a great life,
But holding on to strength to be free,
My Psyche knows that it’s Right!
I know I just missed the f***ing Train!
That is how hard Luck can sometime remain!
But It’s still a mystery, why it’s always 50/50?
Why my inner and outer world don’t agree?
and Why can’t they just live in harmony,
And let things heal internally?
All those Broken bottles, relationships and lies,
I Don’t want no more!
No more Heartache, sadness or goodbyes!
And Eventually all or nothing can hide,
But with strength, well-being and pride,
You can still Get up, And… NEVER SAY DIE!
Childhood hope and faith, love, sad, help