Table 41, Party of 8

Hi! How are you guys doing today? Good, good. I’m doing okay, thanks for asking… What? I’m sorry, we’re not currently carrying cranberry cocktail on tap. We do have Coke products available though. So one Coke, one Sprite, and six sweet teas? Oh, I’m sorry, 4 Sweet teas with lemon, one sweet tea with lime, and one sweet tea with lemon, lime, and a cherry. This better be good, hopefully it won’t get worse. Alright, I’ll be right back with your drinks.
Blast it! We’re out of cherries again. Maybe the bar will have some… Beth! Do you guys have any cherries? Thank you so much! Table 41 is killing me! Okay, okay. Seat 1, SW w/ L (sweet tea with lemon), same for seats 3, 4, and 6; seat 2, coke, simple; seat 5, Kd Spr (Kid’s Sprite), god I hate three-year olds; seat 8 gets SW w/ L, Li and Chr (sweet tea with lemon, lime, and cherry); finally, a Sw w/ Li for hottie mcHotpants at seat 7. Eight drinks, eight bev-naps (beverage napkins of course) and eight straws. I’ll take the plates in a second.
Better go ahead and order bread for them. Eight people plus one equals nine biscuits, stupid free cheese biscuits, look like muffins anyway.

Here are your drinks, they’re a little full, so be careful! Are you ready to order? Alright I’ll start right here. duh seat 1. Pork plate with beans and fries, outside sliced? Odd, but okay… For you? A turkey club on sourdough with mac and cheese? Good choice! Next, a sliced beef sandwich with fries. Bun or Sourdough? Bun, alright. For you? You don’t know? My lord. It isn’t that hard. Can I make a suggestion? The potato is the same price as the sandwich, but you’ll have enough for lunch tomorrow too. A beef potato? Okay, with no butter or cheddar, and with the sour cream, barbecue sauce, and extra bacon on the side? Not difficult at all! Ha! Johnny’s going to kill me, that’s a computer-button nightmare.
And what for you sweetheart? Kid’s chicken fingers, grilled? No, that won’t take forever… OK, would you like ranch or honey mustard? 1000 island it is! Grilled chicken and 1000 island?! Gross!
That was difficult, Beth. They all wanted stuff that’s going to take forever. Why on earth would she put them in my section 20 minutes to close? I’m already cut! Dumb hostess. And she wants to serve? Uh huh… I’ll get started on marrying the condiments on the other tables I guess…
Yes ma’am, I know it has been 7 minutes and your food isn’t here. I’m sorry, it might be the extra well-done ribeye steak he had, not quite the hottie mcHotpants anymore, jerk. Yes ma’am, I’ll get you the manager. I apologize.
I know Tom, what am I supposed to do? Breathe fire on the steak to cook it faster? I could totally breathe fire on that lady… Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. Will you talk to her? Thank you so much! And yes, you can have some of my Dr. Pepper.
Wha’dshe say? Good, she’s not mad at me. She wants what?! Her son’s 18 dollar steak comped? That’s like 3 dollars worth the tip right there! I guess it can’t be helped… It just keeps getting better by the minute…
Back to the condiments. They’ve got their food, even the brat with the grilled chicken fingers. Their drinks are full. They’ve got bread, butter, extra paper napkins, wetnaps… All the sugars are filled; blue behind yellow and beside pink, the white goes in front and on the right. Sauce has been dumped, habenero has been married and tops washed, Tabasco and Trappey’s refilled, only salts and peppers left…
Anybody need a to-go box or to-go drink? 3 boxes and a drink for everyone? Alright, can I get any plates out of your way? I’m sure I’ve got it, thank you though. I’ll be right back with the boxes and the drinks. Good god at the mess, slobs…
Here you go, all eight drinks, four boxes, one extra to be sure (insert fake smile here), and a ticket. Yes ma’am, you can pay me. I’ll get that card run through right now, as if I have a choice… Here you go, I hope you have a great night and come back to see us, but not me… Back to the salts and peppers.
Unscrew all the tops, marry them over the floor and not the table, use the lowest to fill the others, wipe all the tables down and wipe down the booth seats… Only one left, better wipe it off, a spot of barbeque sauce there…
Great, one more saltshaker to completely fill. Not again. Glass everywhere. I know, I know Tom, I’ll pay for it.

Table 41, Party of 8


Auburn, United States

  • Artist

Artist's Description

I worked for a year or two as a server in a family restaurant. As much as I enjoyed my job, this was one of many ill-timed tables.

desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

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