johnny hancen

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this i lifted from my face book notes page.it was from questionar regarding 25 random things about yourself.

ballad of the the pop/folk/outsider artist johnny hancen
that 25 thingShare
Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 2:56pm | Edit Note | Delete
1. i actually did this once allready, but then erased it because it sounded vain and maybe i was a little too honest and it made me think that now since i’m a father “god i hope my kids don’t do this shit that i’m re-telling in a almost a glamorized decedent badge of honor kind of way”. but fuck it the truth is the truth.i’m not embarrassed by any of it but i don’t want it to seem that i’m molding some sort of persona.i’d prefer that a biography be written about me not an autobiography because of coarse i’m biased and fucking insane.

2.i think that my daughter Gladys is the second coming.she is the most amazing being i’ve ever met.and just like mary and joseph me and my beautiful pregnant wife MARIA (mary in inglish) we had too travel across the desert sands on a cold dangerous winter night to a land of unwelcomed presence we slept in a ditch because just as before there was “no room at the inn”
the other day our crazy dog got all bat shit hyper and knocked into Gladys and sent her flying through the air.she just got up laughing. she’s tough.and i love her.she loves to watch curious george.

3. my wife is a saint.i met her in morelia michoacan mexico. she’s had a very very difficult life in comparison to most gabacholandiers. but she is smiling every day.she is as we say up here very spiratual. we have all this stuff around the house for good and bad spirits.the other day i was moving a shelve and this pot with water fell on my head it had the coins in it that she replaces at the first of every month.it’s supposed to suck up bad mojo. or some thing. well all i know is it put a big goddamn knot on my head and a week later i got thrown in jail (but that’s another story) i guesse all that negative energy done rubbed of on me?

4.my son Ivan Fernando is 12 years old.he’s in all the excellerated classes and last yaer (his first year in the country and speaking english) he recieved the presidential academic achievement award. he’s small for his age but is good at sports .i scrapped togather some cash and bought him the Fender strat starter kit.he’s taking lessons at the guitar shack and is kickin ass. he’s turning into a fine young man i’m so proud that i’m his dad.

5. my other son Gustavo Omar is my best buddy he is so glad to have father he thinks i’m cool.sometimes it’s difficult to seperate the buddy and discelplarian aspects but we manage. he’s taking drum lessons he’ll be ten next month.he’s a little defiant at times but secretly i think it’s cool and he’s gonna be a bad ass but with a heart.we attend church and he has done some charity work with me and my mom.

6. my mother is a non stop compulsive giver and malboro red smoker.she works for the church and has been more like a sister to me my whole life.i’ll be real sad when she dies.but all the broads on that side of the family live close to 100 so hopefully she’ll be in my life for many years to come.

7.mi papa taught me how to be tough,through many of an alcholic enraged ass kicking,not to say that i was not a total rebel and as defiant as they come(more on that later) but he did teach me about having a work ethic.(he was in the car sales advertising business)throughout all his drinking days he never missed a day of work.except when he was on his deathbed (he’s still alive).his drinking got so bad that he eventually ended up bed ridden at home for a month then in the hospitol for a month then in re-hab for two months.he has’nt had a drink in 23 years.he’s still a crotchity negative anti-social sort but inside he has a heart of gold.but don’t tell him i said that.

8. mi suergro (father-in law) is definetly worth mentioning also. while i was dating my wife all of mi cunados y cucunos warned me about his nastienest and hatered toward gringos (different side of the same coin as mi papa) i think they mostly were tring to spook me for kicks.but after i proposed to my wife at the calle de romance (the 15th century cobble stone street where everybody gets down on a knee and asks for their novias mano en marriage) there was a dinner planned at thier little cinder block house.when i entered the room most of my future brother-in laws where all ready drunk and teasing the shit out of me,because supposedly jose my father in-law has ran off other suiters with the barrel of a pistol.so after a week of re-hearsing what was gonna say i got up the guts to approach him.i introduced myself and in my at the time very bad spanish asked for his daughters hand in marriage.the man who never showed any expression in years cracked somewhat of an smile looked at his wife and said yes…whhhhoooo ! Evidently years ago the family lived way out in the country and my suergro was a police officer. this was back in the 70’s but when all the family was in town visiting otra familia the oldest son Diego (18 anos) was left at home.five men stormed the ranch house and shot and killed Diego.my father in-law declared revenge. and caught two of them and shot the leg off of one and blew arm off the other one. he served 1 and years in castigo por esto.the other three men reportadly migrated to houston TX and were all killed in car wreck.

9.OK i know this is supposed to be 25 five random things about me.so here goes let’s dish the dirt since i’ve eased my giult of being egotistical and blabbing about my self.how deep should i go? you want trivial stuff with the added anicdote ? or just short and sweet non sucwenture stuff un embellished?
ah fuck it…. i’ve been nicotine addict since i was 8 years old thank to my goddamn uncle Bill Diamond from North Platte Neb. (now he was a real cowboy) i chew “Skoal”tm for those that curious.

10. when i was a child i flipped out in church saying loudly how bald the pastor was to everybody then i pulled the fire alarm. i hid under my bed for a week because i thought satan or the govt. was going to take me away.(my parents threatened me to behave with these tools)

11. a question always asked is “do you have any regrets?” my answer is useally not many,but i should’ve punched my first wife right in the mouth. and once when i was in 2nd or 3rd grade and it was school picture day i think i was wearing a navy blue shirt with giant collars and that goddamn mickey mouse bangs bowl hair cut that mom always made me get. anyhow right when they went to take the picture i sneezed (without covering my mouth) the got off maybe three shots 1. where my head is back and you can see the roof of my mouth with all my cavity fillings.2. the next is of my contorted face with a mist of snot and spit heading for the lens. 3. has me opened mouth wide eyed and recovering.MY REGRET IS THAT WE DID NOT BUY THOSE PICTURES.

12.i started riding in rodeos when i was 12 years old (it changed my life and probally kept me out of juvie) i rode barebacks (bucking horses without a saddle) and bulls.the first rodeo i was in i came out spurring the shit out this horse till he slipped in the mud and crashed into a fence smashing my knee cap and knocking him (the horse) to the groundit hurt like hell i limped around for like 3 months. my mother bought me some crutches.but one day my dad for some drunk ill-logical reason decided he hated crutches and cripples. so he yanked them out from under me and broke em in half and threw them down the hallway. why? who knows.drunks are kooky.

13.i lost my virginity at 12 years old. as a supposuddly tough guy hood this was a major thing to get out of the way.i assume the peer pressure on all young men is pretty strong.(i ain’t been ayoung man in while).i was twelve and she was 19-20.it was some biker party i think i was sloppy seconds…...please don’t be offended by my honesty. needless to say it was’nt all hearts and flowers. y…que

14 .at 14 i stole my first car /truck i was working at this cattle ranch after school and on the weekends and my friend worked at the ranch across the road.he was maybe 15.it was halloween and we wanted to go to the county seat and cruise chicks.his boss was supposudly out of town so we just took the truck into town. we’d both driven before but mostly just feeing cattle and horses out in the field.man it was cool we saw all our friends older brothers and sisters drinking 40’s and cranking thier car stereos.(i brought along a Rick James cassette for the occassion) everybody was asking “what are you little fuckers doing out?” eventuially we took the truck back.but when we got back we saw smoke coming outta the chimney.shit the fucker was home! so we just parked it in front and hauled ass. after a 4 mile run back to my friends house there was his dad. The gig was up. we been busted. my mom worked out this goddamn deal where i’d work for this old bastard for free if’n he did’nt press charges…thanks mom. that old prick worked the shit out of me. i remember he made me push a protruding eyeball of a calf back in it’s eye socket.

15.i started to become pretty proficient at rodeo and was making some good cashola (good for a kid) so that became my life.fuck school, fuck my old man, rodeo was my PUNK rock in fact even within rodeo i was a rebel i had a blue mohawk witch kinda stood out when you had to take your hat off for the song and i’m wearing blue and silver lame’ chaps about to get on a wild chute fighting bucking horse at some rezervation rodeo in the middle of south dakota.but i dang sure was at the pay window picking up my winnings at the end.

16.i got expelled out of high school..y…que who cares. it was kinda the final straw i’d been to the office 100’s of times .for unhooking girl’s bras.lighting off black cats,having a switchblade.being a class clown nothing violent our mean spirited. just a very un serious goof off,but i had to wite a story in english class so being the horror slasher HG lewis fan that i was i wrote story about a teacher getting ran over by a bulldowzer…anyhow this shit did’nt fly la maestras esposo insisted on mi expulsion ..entonces ADIOS!. but i’d all ready been offered a scholarship to a junior college in Kansas for Rodeo.so i called my future coach of thge program told him what happened,and he said “don’t worry just go get you GED and i’ll pull some strings)

17. Dodge fuckin City Kansas, Yahoo! fricken feedlots and milo.nothing to do.cept smoke alot ditch weed and continue to be a rebel :by wearing everything black and eyeliner (now remember this is 1985) i’ve wrote previously about many a dodge city experience in other blogs on myspace etc.but the 2- or 3 things i remember the most was winning a brand-new bull rope while riding slick footet (tennis shoes) on a bet againts this loud mouthed stock contractor, screwing this lori chick in the cemetary. and getting into one of the most hellasicious fight you ever did see where i kicked the shit outta the home town football hero asshole. —warning do not read the next sentance if’n your grossed easily’——i bit the mother fuckers finger off. blood everywhere.later that night i ended up making out with twins.

18.i was leading the region (kansas/oklahoma) in the bullriding. when i decided to drop out and go pro. at this time at the ripe old age of 20 i decided i was sick of the road.sick of cowboys.and wanted to experience what city life and a variety of other things were all about.i’d always been good at art.when i was a kid one of my drawings got made into one of them cancer christmas stamps.so i decided i wanted to go art school at COLORADO StaTE univ. but unfortuneatly no rodeo scholarships there.pluss i was burned out. so one day while watching daytime TV .that fuckin chingon commercial “BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE” came on fuck it man i signed up.I was a Military Police officer lived in Alabama. went to Panama me and one of my co-horts (who i won’t mention cuzzin he’s hereon fb also) found ourselves out in the middle of the jungle at some whore house involved in a drug transaction (of coarse we got burned) i was pretty drunk and remember machine guns and guys laughing at us so i jump up on their truck hood and started dancing around pretending that i’d been shot doing the whole wild bullrider lizard king bit.we walked out of there.later that night we tried skip on bar tab. i got caught and found my self in some sleaze ball strip club office surrounded by bouncers in tuxedos. so just flipped out kickedthis trash can a potted plant and making bruce lee sounds i slammed 70 bucks on the table and the let me go (the bill was 250) while walking outta there with guy on each side of i stopped and deep throat tongued the hottest stripper in the club (she was probally a guy) ADIOS PENDEJOS %&x%x*))

19.so COLORADO STATE here i come!!!! all can say is broads booooze and bongs. i did sell my first werk of arte there though for 70 dollars it was this picture of “Hank Williams” that un originally was given the whole Warhol dayglo treatment.some of the folk that i met are still my life long compadres.it was definitly one of the best experiences of my life.here’s one anecdote that i can remember.it was when i was moving into this new studio apartment.”the antlers” everybody that was cool lived there. it was like family.(aahhhh) so anyhow across the hall from me is thia long legged blonde swedish descent atractive female named Gratchen.she is observing my move into the place.she strikes up a converversation with me and invites me into her pad. WHOA!!! penthouse forum he’re i come (i was still pretty imature and a complete horn dog) so we’re standing in her place making small talk and i spy this bong not just any bong but the shaqiulle o’niel of bongs.el grande fuck. she ask if i want a hit so sure yea why not.i have to stand on my tip toes while on this chair and give her the thumbs up to pull the carb.when i did it felt like somebody just shot me in the lung with 30’-6 and then put abranding iron on top of that.well i fell off the chair turned the shade of a ripe tomatoe and began to hack wheez and and gag like some bruja con emphisima.then proceeded to hop and jump around the room like Barney Fife with a bumbble bee up his ass. then i think i sat on her bean bag chair for 3 and half hours.she made me some rammen noodles. so much for penthouse .whatever.

20.i was a horrible student all those science and math credits that you need.fuck that.pluss something got messed up with my G.I. bill and hey why lie i fell head over heels for this gal who lived in denver (an hour drive south) spent 4 misserrable agonizing co-dependant years (off and on ) with her. i worked as screen printer a construction worker a junk hauler had my real estate licence then finally used some family juice and went into the car business sell new and used cars. living the whole life :plaid suites,cocaine,new cars,2 timen 3 timen women etc.etc. ended up getting DUI and lost my job because of it.decided to move to las vegas and become a dealer.but the i got phone call from an associate in the business (actually another former rodeo cowby) who said fuck it you can work where i’m at dui or not.so i take him up on the offer.and man what a fuckin nut house this place was drugs drugs mafia drugs mafia etc etc. i saw one guy bust a 2×4 over another guys head from behind while he was havin a smoke. and another got got all cut up in knife fight…....... fuck this i’m going to VEGAS…ya no mafia or drugs there HA-HA.

21 got married and divorced pretty soon after arriving in town. not much to tell there. we fought like you ain’t never seen.i wish her nothing but the best.she looked like shania twain so that was cool.we just we’re at different points in life,see not much to tell.pretty boring.

22. time went on i worked my way up in the casino business bought a house had some wild swinging parties some too risque for print lived the un materialistic but classiclly vintage pimp daddy life of a bacholor to the hilt i think curtis mayfield music was pumped into my brain.and jerry lee lewis (the Killer) livin oozed from my pours.had a great job ,tons of friends, women, was slinging 2 lbs of working man weed (40$ 1/4) a month. then i decided to walk away from it all and move to Los Angeles to pursue getting my art into galleries more aggresivly,since at the time vegas had maybe three art galleries. BUT hey much to my not so suprise was “GET IN LA LINEA FUCKER” I was just one of a billion out there trying “aspiring” to succeed at my self proposed talent. i did get in some shows.i worked as a valet parker and as an extra in the movies and TV.and the few cool people i became friends with are my friends for life.real good sons a bitches.god bless them.jimmy morgan liz al tracy damion michael and more and more.but don’t ya go puttin no headstone on my grave cause i’m still pumping out the art and always will.so with my tail between my legs i came back to las vegas.(i did’nt sell my house just rented it out) got a giig at the monte carlo and learned how to tend bar and worked at the beauty bar.all with the plan of moving to austin TX and tending bar. but after a few months came to the relization that i was better on the other side of the bar.shit i was drunk every shift giving half the place away and devoloping crack cocaine habit.so i hit the road again but this time it was south way south AND I TRULY BELIEVE THAT I WAS GIUDED BY THE HAND OF GOD TO BE IN MORELIA MICHOACAN MEXICO AT THAT VERY MOMENT AND TIME. i met my wife ,i met the mother of my chidren, i met my BEST FRIEND.

23. the birth of my daughter Gladys cames 2-3 weeks late. my wife was in labor for 16 hours.i was by her side.something was wrong the babies heart rate was decreasing.maria was losing lots lots of blood (3 or 4 sheet changes).they finally decided to preform a cessarian. and GLADYS SILVIA HANCEN was born on Saturday night in Las Vegas with the um biblical cord wrapped around her neck three times and a ton blood to an illegal mom and outlaw cowboy daddy.

24.3 months later my wife and child we’re abducted banned and exiled from living in the country i fought to defend…........i do not consider myself american anymore.

25. I AM BLESSED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!