mair rubbish frae joak

i ken ma writtin is probably no fit for this page cos most folk that put stuff oan here are awfy clever but ach who cares i hope ye enjoy it an it gives ye a wee giggle!
50 things aboot me again
av awready done this type o idea but this wee thing wi set questions seems tae be quite popular so am gonny try cos everybody else is!..actually i canny mind the av got two red bubs oan the go an am floatin aboot atween the two so i can read the questions ..this will probably take aboot two weeks tae do so be patient!..right here we go am aff tae the other red bub tae see the question dinny go away

1.ok am back first question whits ma fav hobbby?
playin wi masel…nothin like bein honest!..right am awa tae the other red bub

2 how old wis a when a left school?
37 i got kept back for bein thick

3 whit wis ma first pet?
a wee hamster called hamish..yin winter when it wis cauld, i thought it wis deed cos i never new they could hibernate, i tried tae wake it up i gave it brandy an milk tae heat it up .the pair wee thing woke up pished!

4whit kind o question is this ! if a wis a fruit whit wid a be?
a melon…i like big melons

5 no we are talkin if i wis adrink whit wid i be?
i will let you answer that!

6have i ever won a prize/
hunners… ma first though wis singin scots wha hey in a burns competition..the judge wis deaf

7whits ma fav food?
anythin ye can pit oan a plate

8 if i ruled the world whit wid ma first words be
free scotland

9 whit is ma fav film?
local hero its magic!

10holy shit whit is this yin aboot! if everyone hadny the unhappy gene wid i be happy? they smiley faces wid give ye the boke!

11 if i wis the opposite sex whit celeb wid i be?
raquel welsh i could wake up an give masel a guid sh..thats enough

12if i could go back in time where wid i go?
easy drumossie moor culloden1746 ..i wid take a cheiftain tank an blow these bastards that killed ma countrymen tae smithereeens

13whits ma fav flower ?
the rose of aw the world is not for me
i want for my part
only the little white rose of scotland
that smells sweet an sharp an breaks the heart
that we verse says it aw

14 whit is ma fav name?

15 if i won the lottery whit wid i buy?
the laphroaig distillery…hing oan this is gettin familiar

17if i hud any choice o art work whit frae red bub whit wid i buy?
help ma boab thats a hard yin…eh ..i ken i saw a really guid photy somewhaur o a handsome bloke in a kilt..i think it wis called a hard day on the moor!!

16 whit wid i pit oan ma headstone?
who pit the lights oot

18dinner with five who wid it be?
william walace, robert the bruce, the black douglas, me ……an edward the first o england so we could aw kick the shit oot him!

19if i wis a recipe whit wid i be?
jings… a haggis supper oot the chip shop!

20whit is ma fav art medium?
whits art?

21who is ma fav artist?
john pettie..aye thats got ye wonderin aw you smart buggers!

22one place id like tae visit?
the laphroaig distillery…huv i already said that?

23 do i like day time or night time?
daytime …the wifes scary at night ..her an her broomstick

24 whats the funniest typo ive done?
ckuf nos i dinny mkae mistakes

25my earliest memory?
the nurse slappin ma erse when i popped oot ma cheeks are still sair!

26whit wid i sing at karaoke?
far away….awfy far away

27if i wis tae write a book whit wid the first sentence be?
joak settled doon after a hard day at the laphroaig distillery.

28 whit is ma own fav artwork/
its aw brilliant..onythin wi ma dugs or ma country

29pet peeve?
whits a peeve? i dinny huv a pet peeve only dugs

30fav tv show.?
to many tae mention…recently probably still the past faulty towers

31 if i was an animal whit wid i be?
a deerhound in ma hoose so i could get a seat oan the couch

32whit kind o superhero wid i be?
swally man… is there a swally man?

33if i could change somethin aboot masel whit wid it be?
i wid pit oan mair weight am awfy thin

34 if i met an alien whit wid i say/
halo dear whats for tea tonight?

35whits ma best subject for art work?
nothin shite at everythin

36 if i saw a ufo wid it change ma life?
only if it landed oan ma heed

37whit wis the last thing ye laughed aboot?
alex gardiners attempt at a poem….only kidden auld yin

38do you believe in the after life?
aye ma wife done me in so am awready deed

39do you believe in reincarnation and whit wid i come back as?
yes and id come back as me again cos ive hud a guid wee life

40whits ma oldest possesion/
the wife

41 do i have any tattoos/
yes oan ma arm its a design i did masel

42 whits ma fav book?
big jugs…sorry thats a magazine..john prebbles culloden

43if red bub hud a tv channel wid i still be online/
aye cos the telly is shite

44sea or land?
whit kind o dumb question is let me think dae a fancy bein in ma hoose in front o the fire wi a dram at minus 20 like it is here..or oot in a boat..thats a tough yin!

45 whits the most bizzare thing thats happened tae me?
help whaur dae i start …how aboot tellin prince andrew tae make his ain cup o tea roond a campfire cos i didny ken who he wis

46if i wis a fairy tale whit would it be?
im a fairy what are you
im a fuckin fairy too
your no fairy your to hairy
im a fuckin hairy fairy

47whits the funniest thing thats hapened tae me/ life is really dull

48whit is the longest av ben withoot sleep/
i dinny i said ma wifes to scary at night..i want tae wake up in the mornins!

49 whit dae i love aboot red bub?
talkin shite!

50 did i like this questionaire?
naw ma fingers sore, am dyin for a pee it took twa hours , am awa tae dae whit a said in question 1


mair rubbish frae joak


Grangemouth, United Kingdom

  • Artist
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Artist's Description

more genius frae ma incredibly talanted heed…lol in other words more crap frae yer scottish half wit!

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