Please Note: The name of this person has been changed for her and the family members that were involved.
On March the 13th Joanne a twenty-two year old attempted suicide. She has been through so much since she was little and to me she is a fighter.
What was going through her head at the time, no one new only she did and these are her words:
I felt down, my mind wasn’t thinking of life. Something happen that night as I cannot say at this time, but it was bad. I cried and cried, my heart was racing I didn’t want to be here anymore. Most people say only cowards take their own life, but at the end of the day, those people aren’t me, they are them selfs.
So I got the razor blade and cut, you’re properly thinking how could she, well when you think of death your body goes numb and you can’t feel no pain, no matter what you do. My arm were covered in blood and that’s only after four cuts, then ten minutes later my mother walked in. My head felt like it just went empty and the my mothers face of shock and anger as she doesn’t understand. I didn’t go to hospital, as she clean them up. She couldn’t find a bandage so she found a pice of sheet and cut it and my brother wrapped it around my arm. It’s been three months and I’m still here. Am I grateful, well 50% yes and 50% no, as somedays I still feel suicidal. I am getting help, but it is still hard to get through the days and nights.
The days I’m so happy, that’s when I say, what was I thinking, but on bad days it’s so different.
I still had that week to get through and another. Most of those days weren’t happy.
The next day I had to go and finish of some work for a teacher, my mind was no where near where it should have been. It kept mucking up. I was getting more and more angry. Not what I had to do, it was I couldn’t get it right and couldn’t finish it.
For the rest of the holidays I made myself be happy for the people around me. People may smile everyday, tell a joke, laugh and to other stuff, but what their family and friends don’t know there is something there hiding from them. It’s not like you don’t want them to know, I feel my family won’t understand. My friends, well I don’t have any because I cut them of. Not answering their text, or saying I was to busy to go somewhere.
Some days when I go to speak to someone, I am down, but don’t tell them. I know I should because that’s what their there for, but in my mind I can deal with it myself.
On Thursday I felt suicidal and I went to the doctor and she ask if I wanted to go to hospital, I said no because I had to deal with centrelink before going to hospital. On Friday, went to see who I usually do and I was down. I went home still down. Keeping busy it hard to do.
Did I cope since that Thursday without thinking of suicide, I say out of 100%, well it was only 5%? I know when it gets to 0% it will be like that Tuesday on the 13th of April.
Can anyone stop me, well talking to someone does, call help number, no way. I’m no good on phones and there is no privacy in my house. So when I leave that place where I can talk, I’m 67% chance of not getting down, but once I’m home and no one to talk to, well there is no predictions what I would do.
Tomorrow is another day and so is the next day, what will happen, I don’t know. All I know is I’m doing the best to beat it.
A true story of a girl who attempted suicide as days, weeks and months go by she is fighting her depression. Not everyday is so simple