Well, it’s 11am here in Wellington, and according to The Crazies in America we’re going to get hit by impending doom first. I’ve got about 7 hours before the biggest earthquake ever will shake everything in this time zone, before rolling round the world at 6pm everywhere; the chosen few will ascend into the sky to heaven, while the heathens will remain here on earth to face 5 months of fire, destruction, pain, torment, seas of blood and of course molten lava. It wouldn’t be the end times without molten lava.
So what’s the best thing to do in this situation? It’s obvious. Buy a Tshirt.
http://www.redbubble.com/people/jezkemp/t-shirts/7155142-i-survived-the-rapture
http://www.redbubble.com/people/jezkemp/t-shirts/7172123-i-survived-the-rapture-but-not-the-raptors
http://www.redbubble.com/people/jezkemp/t-shirts/7205297-i-survived-the-rapture-again
I won’t lie, I find the whole thing hilarious. The number of apocalypses that were supposed to happen even in my lifetime is immense, if you believe every stupid cult and bunch of weirdos. This time, we’re being told by some 89-year-old fruitloop that doing some creative calculations gives you today’s date, and not the last date he gave in 1994. To him I say, rock on. Keep making your fruitloop predictions. And I will keep making Tshirts mocking you.
I guess I should also mention a design from my trilogy of books No Up, No Lies, No Never. The world ends in the second book, and there is much fear, terror, and partying. Because it’s all over, right? “…So why not go out with a drink in your hand at the most wonderful, crazy, awesome fucking party the world ever saw?”
http://www.redbubble.com/people/jezkemp/t-shirts/3785156-partyocalypse-no-lies-white-design
Maybe I should do it without the centaur. Hmm.
Of course if there really is an earthquake that rips through the earth’s crust, and we really do see smug Christians flying around in the sky like the artwork for Muse’s amazing 3rd album, I take it all back. See you at the post-rapture looting!
Matt Mawson
Four fine tees, jezkemp. I’m not so keen on the flurescent lime one in the bottom photo, although it would make a great souvenir of the apocalypse
jezkemp:
It’s fluorescent to make sure YOU NOTICE IT ;)
Matt Mawson
If I don’t hear from you after 4pm our time (Aust east coast), I’ll do some quick repenting.
jezkemp:
Sweet as bro. I’ve got my earthquake survival supplies ready. But that’s just standard for Wellington!
Matt Mawson
So, how will you know the earthquakes and lava are real and not just Weta Studios special effects?
jezkemp:
Good point! Those guys are pretty clever. I’ll watch out for Peter Jackson looking shifty.
Shanina Conway
Well it’s 9.30am on the Gold Coast and we’re still here….I’ve broken a fingernail and to some that could be construed as the end of the world…other then that still kicking…hey, I can’t wait to hear the excuse as to why it didn’t happen….and let’s hope no followers of this cult do anything crazy!
Love the survived the raptors tee;)
jezkemp:
Cheers Shanina :) They usually slink away and begin recalculating, or declare god has had mercy at the 11th hour or something.
You’re right, let’s hope no-one tries to make it actually happen!
Shanina Conway
abandon all hope bring snacks lol!…a guilt free food fest;)
jezkemp:
Exactly! If it was the end of the world, food and debauchery all the way.
Matt Mawson
It’s already happened and we didn’t notice …
jezkemp:
Sound the trumpet, warn the people! The world ended 19 years ago! :)
jezkemp
First sale, huzzah :)
Matt Mawson
(from Facebook)
Matt Mawson
Which do you prefer … Rapture or Hiphopture?
jezkemp
Where is the “like” button on Redbubble?
Also, you just reminded me of this:
Matt Mawson
I always smile at the awkward silence after “My lyrics are bottomless”.
And “I’m not a large water-dwelling mammal. Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis?”
jezkemp:
Smile? I burst out laughing just now. Love it.
TextureoftheSin
You mean the world’s not ending???
Fuck. More chemo for me, then ;)
jezkemp:
Ha, yes there’s always a downside :) #blackhumour
AlisonJohnston
I’m still here ………… although I was really expecting to be beamed up …. I think I’d more than likely be meeting my friends down the warm end of town :)
AlisonJohnston
Shoud read I really wasn’t expecting to be beamed up
jezkemp:
I know, I was expecting to be here either way. And I live in Wellington, so I’ve already got my earthquake/zombies survival kit sorted :)
Lori Peters
The “crazies” are everywhere. One looney guy predicts the rapture and all Chrisitans are bashed for it….
jezkemp:
Well, it’s an offhand comment, but the thing is most if not all of the major predictions like this come from some organisation in the States. Other countries have their own minor cults (I remember one in Russia a few years ago) and loonies all over the world will follow these predictions, but there’s never a high profile Notthepocalypse prediction in Ozzie or France or Japan that gets picked up and followed round the globe.
Incidentally what I found amazing about this event was all the clergy I saw interviewed on TV were convinced the end of the world is truly coming, just “no man will know the day”. Because it’s knowing that’s the ludicrous part.
stephaniemwood
They’ve rescheduled again … October 21, 2011. I wish they’d just LEAVE already … *sigh
jezkemp:
Haha I think this has been misreported. Harold Camping originally said the Rapture would be in May, followed by 5 months of tribulation, then the complete end in October. Now he’s saying god has been “merciful” (who didn’t see that coming) and is clearly compressing the suffering in a shorter space of time, or maybe just saving it all for the final day in October. Sounds like I’ll be selling more Tshirts around then :)
jezkemp
Incidentally, since writing this journal post I’ve realised “The Crazies In America” would make an awesome band name. Almost as awesome as “Unicorns On Coke”.
stephaniemwood
I’ve always liked rather more shocking band names. I can’t post the one I like most. It would start another HH-type slew of riots.
jezkemp:
Haha no but you can bubblemail it over if you like.
I have a cunning plan in the back of my mind to design Tshirts for imaginary bands with awesome names, and call the collection “Band Names”. Then, in time, kids will see these band names, start a band with that name, and immediately want a Tshirt with their name on.
Matt Mawson
If it wasn’t for The Crazies in America The Dead Kennedys would have been called The Gracefully Ageing Kennedys.
Matt Mawson
Nazi-inspired band names? New Order and Joy Division.
jezkemp:
Ha, good call, I wonder if they had that in mind.
Matt Mawson
""We really, really thought it didn’t have any connotations, and we thought that it was a neutral name, it didn’t mean much…." – Bernard Sumner
jezkemp:
I don’t really mind/care where they get their name from, cos it’s just a name. If it turns out New Order have been pedalling hate speech the last 30 years, let me know.
Matt Mawson
I like their music. No sign of any untoward politics in their lyrics.
jezkemp:
Good good, that’s what I suspected. I feel I should get one or two of their albums.