Journal

A reputation destroyed

My domestic ineptitude is well documented, the stuff of legend, failed the Domestic Goddess course and have a door mat to prove it.
“ I hate 4 letter words” it reads, “Dust, wash, iron, cook.”
I also totally lack a sense of direction and distance and am unable to understand jokes. “Why is that funny?” I ask, and then laugh when it’s explained in words of one syllable or less.
Now my well deserved reputation lies in tatters at my feet.
It started when I was asked where the Police Station was. I not only knew where it was (down the street we were standing on) how far (400 yards on the right) and I didn’t make my usual reply, “If you really want to get there, ask someone else!”
I can feel the cracks forming already.
Then Stewart, home from Uni, visiting with his parents, bravely aske…

A message from the editor

Hello Jesika

Thanks for the smilebox. It’s really a wonderful collection of pictures. How about an edited version for Argus? By that, I am thinking of 10 to 12 shots which could be placed on two pages one under the other, with some comments which I could write in. That would share your superb photography with a lot of enthusiasts. Don’t send anything straight away, but if you like the idea, and you plan to send me your usual annual disk of pictures, you could include them then. I would intend to include them in the New Year edition of Argus which will mean I would need them for the end of October.

Cheers!!

Howard

(Argos is the magazine of Yorkshire Butterfly Conservation and Howard has kindly published several of my Lepidoptera images, including 12 in the last issue.
The “…

"Your computer is infected"

A voice with a difficult to understand accent told hubby (woken by the phone ringing) that he had checked and discovered that our computer was infected by a nasty virus.
You have to wonder how he knew that don’t you, especially since I am very diligent in updating & checking the health of my laptop almost to paranoia and no-one has remote access. Send me a link to something/somewhere and I may email to ask if you really DID!
Needless to say, the conversation was rapidly terminated, but do beware, many have fallen victim to this form of telephone evil, just as my mother did a couple of years ago (“Telephone Evil” journal entry) to a banking scam.
I believe they offer to sell you anti everything software, charge a fortune, infect badly and gain access to your banking deta…

At last, I'm a success...

I’d never been able to define myself, but after a chance meeting on the train last Thursday I can finally say,
“I’m a successful failure.”
What better self accolade can there be?
I failed at being a domestic goddess.
Never got anywhere at singing, dancing, playing a musical instrument, can’t knit, can’t sew, can’t whistle a tune. It goes on – can’t paint – the walls & ceiling or like wotsisface at the Sistine Chapel. My cooking skills are risible, as are my house keeping abilities.
See, I’m doing really well at failing at everything.
I don’t “light up a room” when I enter, people don’t congregate to see me pass and wave regally from my car window, I’m can’t drive properly anymore, wante…

Telephone evil

Mother got a phone call.
Are you Mrs J?
Yes I am.
Is your post code S********?
yes it is.
Do you have an account with any of these banks ?
Yes.
Can you confirm the account number?

  • And the sort code?
  • Nice man reads back numbers to confirm and hands over to second person to confirm yet again.
    Mother phones my brother about something else & mentions this. Brother says leave phone on table, don’t hang up, he wants to check 1471, comes to see mother & goes to bank but can’t actually do anything because he isn’t on the account. I am, but NOBODY tells me!
    I phone mother about something else. She tells me about the phone call but is more concerned about her washing & changing her duvet cover.
    I phone the telephone bank to take the initial steps to protect mum.

    “…

  • What is a "Photographic Artist?"

    Some time ago I attended an exhibition to try to understand why one exhibitor called himself a “Photographic Artist.”
    What, I wondered, was the difference between him, Patrick Lichfield who was a photographer, and myself, a family album snapper?
    His photographs were printed on expensive paper.
    The frames were attractive.
    His photographs were of leafless, isolated trees or nudes drapped over rocks.
    All were black and white.
    I freely admit I’m not a photographer, so we can eliminate me from this.
    But what, or who, decides if a photographer is an artist?
    What criteria are applied?
    By whom?
    Does the camera make a difference, the ability to use lights, the imagination, opportunity…
    I still don’t know, does anybody out there???
    Is the question really, “What is ar…

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    desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait