I dial 911 to find there’s a blue light special,
on adult diapers.
Why does my breakfast insult me,
before it crawls away?
I was dead on the night of the fifth!
The beaver is the uni-bomber.
I did Elvis because
my M-16 told me to.
Rehydrated peanut milk and condoms
five for a dollar!
I dropped a dime but it didn’t fall.
You can’t stab me with a gun, you idiot!
Michael fly your boat ashore.
The harmonica claws at my eyes, as
satan prays for forgiveness.
I vomit a cuckoo bird,
he steals my lucky charms and runs to Mexico
in a ten gallon hat.
But not before unplugging my door.
The hat’s name was Forest.
The tape sticks to my rhythm
and collects bears from the carpet.
I’m sorry… I seem to be in the wrong country.
If trees had legs,
would they help me write a country song?
Who’s ego am I stepping on?
Oh yeah, it’s mine!
Who was that no masked man?
Oh, it’s just satan.
He’s looking for a job as a traveling real estate performer.
fades to plaid.