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Automatism ism ism ism

It all started as a joke. At first I was laughing, but it soon took a wrong turn. Drowning. Can’t find up. Can’t seem to get up. Spinning head in a bubble, a time capsule. It’s all a bloody mess. When did everything become such a damn mess? Always was tidy (in my thinking). Never set out to hurt anyone, or anyTHING for that matter. Matter…

What’s the matter with this hot mess called my head? Burning heavy coals smoke out my best intentions. No peace, no peace, no peace. Turn, turn, turn! Want to stop the madness; it’s churning; it’s burning. Hot coals transfer to my heart. Heartstrings are out of tune, playing a blues tune. So cliché is this record’s spinning. Turntable turns the tables of life, but does it of destiny? What’s in destiny that holds such mystery?

Took a bad turn somewhere between the road to Perdition and the path less traveled. “I know the way,” the voices in my head keep chanting in unison. How can they all be so in tune with one another? Damn it if I can’t even match up with a one of them. of them. of them. of them. Skipping like a heartbeat, pulsing through my veins. Veins that drip sludge burned off those hot coals now roasting the valves of my central chambers. drip. drip. drip. drip. drip.

Broken faucet! Damn you, broken faucet. I maintained you well. Kept you clean, shined you from nape to tip. Always shiny. No one suspects anything – stuttering words cannot reign in on a single choice for this descriptive moment – from a squeaky clean source. Would someone turn that faucet off already? Or at least release the plug. Isn’t it obvious I’m drowning here? Fingers slipping as they grasp at glossy tiles…

And life keeps on turning, skipping beats on its axis orbit. Da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum. Beat, beat, beat.

Automatism ism ism ism

Jenifer DeBellis

Dryden, United States

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Artist's Description

One hot mess!

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