Changing Channels
Just what it is, depressive shit, pretty flat really.
He tries to please me
mutters
something about wanting
to see me happy again
smiling; he buys me
earings from Michael Hill
flowers from the corner shop
chocolates on sale from Foodtown
and then he takes what he can get
in return
whilst I’m lying
flat on my back
tired
defeated
staring up at the ceiling
looking at fly shit
and a years worth
of undisturbed cobwebs
wondering
if I’ll ever be able to
feel
stand
walk
work again
as he leaves me
feeling
full of him
though empty of myself
cold
numb
crying
unseen tears
dry inside
dying
and meanwhile
on the TV
Fox news
blurts out
some shit
about God
and the Republicans
being the only way
to save America
in three days time
so I turn away
and ask him
to change the channel.
roybarry
DO NOT DELETE-SUPERB!
JenniferB replied
thanks Roy, just trying to get in the mind set of writing again, no happy happy joy joy shit coming from me at the moment though. :)
roybarry
good-happiness is over rated!!
JenniferB replied
yep… sometimes it’s good to wallow in misery, it gives you something to compare feeling better with.
Phineous Cas...
wowa
=]]
JenniferB replied
I need a bit of your secret medicine at the moment igo. ;-)
PJ Ryan
not depressive .. just life .. xx
JenniferB replied
Thanks Nicole, you can tweak me any time! ;-)
mychaelalchemy
this is one of your best…
happiness is fleeting…the rest of the time is everything else…count the little blessings….right?
JenniferB replied
one of my best? you reckon? I have tons of inane stuff like this sitting in text file on my computer, I just don’t like to bring people down with it.
PJ Ryan
you can tweak me any time
oooh ! now there’s an invite LOL
xx
JenniferB replied
hahaha. ;-)
PJ Ryan
psst, now delete those side comments and let this wonderful piece stand for itself :)
Marny Barnes
I don’t think this brings anyone down, firstly if they don’t like it then don’t f-ing read it!! Second, It makes people understand that they are not alone in how they are feeling. SOmetimes it’s nice to know you aren’t the only one that feels this way!!
JenniferB replied
thanks Marny. :)
mychaelalchemy
no, the writing is topnotch…what’s so inane about it? to make us think or be entertained…to make us feel…to give us an outlet for our emtions, if that is inane, then all writing must be…
JenniferB replied
thanks mychael, I guess I’m used to writing ‘Larger than Life’ stuff instead of just… Life?
Wendy Slee
very powerful writing…...do you realize this? Touches the core of being who we are at times, even when that being seems so empty….I recognize this space…...
But I hope you know it is transient and there are other spaces and facets to this journey….
JenniferB replied
thanks Wendy… Yes, I realise it’s transient, my mood cycles from high to low on a regular basis, I don’t sort of get the feeling from this poem that I get from some of the others I’ve written… But maybe that’s the point, hence the reason I almost called it Numb. :)
theyellowfury
I dunno about flat but its well writ.
JenniferB replied
thanks tyf.
aglaia b
love the title jennifer, this is really great and evokes real emotion about what it can be like sometimes. i really felt this writing. well done! ;-) xox
JenniferB replied
thanks aglaia, it’s hard to portray emotions when you aren’t feeling any, but I guess it works in its own way. xox
Adrena87
Wow… you truly capture emptiness with this… the part regarding being full of him but empty of yourself really strikes home… an instant favorite for me, Jennifer…
JenniferB replied
thanks Adrena.
Niki Renee
holy shot this is amazing just got new phone sao can’t type well wonderful
JenniferB replied
thanks DollEyes, I was originally going to delete it but seeing as it strikes a chord with some people I’ll let it stand. :)
ieneke jansen
Been there before…wonderfully written so don’t discount it in any way, shape or form. I think it’s magnificent and although you want to do more, sometimes we just need to warm & stretch our muscles before the race begins!
Flicker, flicker…getting brighter already :)
JenniferB replied
Thanks leneke, yep, I’m kind of easing myself back into writing again, spent the afternoon reading bukowski and dante to try to gain some inspiration. :)
mhkantor
great poem jennifer.
JenniferB replied
thanks mhkantor. :)
mstrace
oh dear gawd jenniferb, this is SO FUCKING REAL…please don’t remove it. Pretty please!
JenniferB replied
thanks mstrace, I’ll leave it here, I just don’t want to come back to it too often is all.
Crowmanic
hmmmm … now that’s challenging!! +fav
JenniferB replied
thanks crowmanic.
WarOfTheRoses
sounds like someone’s fallen out of love again…
JenniferB replied
how does that old saying go? familiarity breeds contempt… or something like that.
Aurora Pintore
You are FANTASTIC Jennifer
JenniferB replied
thanks Aurora.
kalaryder
Not inane by any means!
JenniferB replied
thank you. :)
April Mansilla
I love your photo stills of moments in writng ….
this was perfect…
full of him
though empty of myself
JenniferB replied
thanks April, I’m just trying to ease my way back into writing again, people here are so friendly and encouraging. :)
lolowe
Really powerful words Jennifer. I love how your poetry always tells a story. :]
I hope the numbness goes away..
JenniferB replied
thanks lolowe, numbness… yep, it’s my body’s way of giving my soul a shot of Novocaine to get through the harder times, as with anesthetic, this feeling shall pass. :)
Niki Renee
Good I’m glad
ieneke jansen
Fantastic!!!
JenniferB replied
thank you ieneke. :)
linda858100
EXCELLENT INDEED.
JenniferB replied
thanks linda! :-)
ToastedGhost
This is bloody brilliant!
JenniferB replied
thanks TG! :-)
Cody Grimsrud
wow. this is fabulously composed. i like the mental image of this more than actual photography i think….
i must say thank you for provoking my thoughts.
JenniferB replied
thanks Cody, I was a bit unsure about this poem but people seem to like it so I let it stay.
nnimus3
God and the Republicans scare the shit out of me, but not half so much as the prospect of having to pretend to be excited about earrings from Michael Hill.
JenniferB replied
Hahahaha, I love your sense of humour nnimus. :-D
nnimus3
don’t push it
JenniferB replied
Wha??? Ah it’s been a fuck of a day, just forget it.
nnimus3
excuse him
JenniferB replied
ok
nnimus3
no, it’s not ok…
... it’s NEVER ok.
JenniferB replied
WTF been going on today, you’re the second weirdo I’ve had to deal with in the space of an hour, is there a full moon or something?
nnimus3
no, not in Auckland anyway. I have to start remembering to sign out of this thing when I leave it, he doesn’t know my password but he likes to stir shit.
JenniferB replied
You’re in Auckland? It’s okay, I’ll just delete any shitty comments that might come my way next time.
nnimus3
Dirty old Auckland town… yes I’m here. But not for long, he wants me to go South and I’m a sucker for a vagrant.
ltruskett
You could NEVER BRING PEOPLE DOWN with your writing…..because it is TRUTH in it’s most naked form…..... I for one am all for TRUTH. You rock honey….......
JenniferB replied
Thanks Linda! I really appreciate the encouragement from someone as talented as you! :-)
ltruskett
my pleasure….... xxL
colorblind
i like this….another hot banger do your thing JennyB
cuz i love when you do
JenniferB replied
Thanks! :-D
martinilogic
wow…. it sucks to be that empty. you have a powerful writing style…..
JenniferB replied
the feeling lasts only as long as it takes for the ink to dry, thanks martinlogic. :-)
Matt Roberts
Hmm. Interestings.
“Full of him though empty of myself” Clever.
JenniferB replied
written during an apathetic I don’t give a shit phase. Thanks. :-)
Matt Roberts
Best time to write.
JenniferB replied
yep, you’re probably right. :)
JonoCarrick
wow! this was incredibly personal and deep. Brave and brilliant writing. I love the introspection and the somewhat sporatic emotions in this. It is as if one minute you are focused and the next you are detached. Brilliant.
JenniferB replied
Thanks Jono… It was a weird poem to write, I felt a bit flat throughout most of it, and yep, kind of detached, you’re very perceptive. :-)
JonoCarrick
Sometimes that detachment is a result of going into survival mode.
JenniferB replied
yep… that poem was written just before I got admitted into a psyche unit, Lol… so maybe I was in survival mode. :)
JonoCarrick
ahhh! you most certainly were in survival mode.
JenniferB replied
yep. :-)
nnimus3
many months later… I still think this is fantastic.
JenniferB replied
thanks. :-)
nnimus3
this is the real me, by the way. haha I just scrolled through the comments on this piece and saw evidence of his bygone foolery.
JenniferB replied
yep… I couldn’t be assed with cleaning up the mess.
amanda marx
LOVE your writing jen . . . love your abilty to say it how it is . . . to reach in & pull the beating heart of the thing out . . . to do with . . . what you will.
never ever stop writing darly girl
xXx
JenniferB replied
thanks so much for your encouraging words amanda, i think my creativity has taken flight and gone on a holiday somewhere! Hopefully it will return soon. :-) xox