Jellybean720

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in
the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar
and
plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional
carols…please feel free to sing along.
And don’t be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as
Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family
Pauline
>>>_{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party.’
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.
There
will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign
Your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put
a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only,” you wouldn’t be anonymous
anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
Union
Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe
$10.00
is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
>>>_{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which
forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of
year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the
Grill
House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party -
or
else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy
bag.
Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to
sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will
get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each
other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their
own
table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross
dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep. We will have booster
seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those
on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest
those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will
be
fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No
Sugar” desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything???!
Pauline.
>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F* Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The F Holiday Party.
Vegetarian prs I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep
this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly
at the table furthest from the “grill of death”, as you so quaintly put
it.
You’ll get your f* salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you
know tomatoes have feeling, too.
They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing
them scream right NOW!!
Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>_{~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}

FROM: John Bishop – Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery,
and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full
pay.