First I would like to congratulate all you physically fit, well toned, finely honed hairy and hairless adults with taut thighs and rock hard abs. I admire your perseverance in devoting hundreds thousands of hours every year to working out and maintaining a superb cardiovascular system with cholesterol and blood pressure under control. Congratulations to all you athletes who never tire or run out of steam, your bodacious bodies running for hours on treadmills and racing up and down 100 flights of stairs like leaping lemurs without skipping a beat.
How I envy all you handsome, good looking hunks and barbie dolls sculpted to the chiseled edge of perfection and continuing to surge forward, eyes on the prize and never giving up until crossing the finish line. And congratulations for following in the footsteps of fanatical fitness freaks like Jack Lalanne who at 95 is still doing 1000 situps a day and pulling tugboats up the Hudson River with his bare hands. And every night he defies the odds by making passionate love to his equally fit 91 year young wife Elaine Lalanne.
Now the bad news….despite being incredibly fit none of you will live forever as you too must lie down one day and take a dirt nap like the rest of us mere mortals. Sad to say that you will likely spend your final days in a dingy motel room on the outskirts of Winnemucca, Nevada, contemplating your imminent demise while hiding behind the Do Not Disturb sign. You too will be unable to avoid the humiliation of being pronounced dead and gone the next morning by the maid who knocks several times before unlocking the door and coming inside to clean your room.
paying homage to the physically fit