That unreal moment in time when the moving
pictures you have in your head manifest themselves
into reality and are in front of your face. The dark
ones are more subtle, like you’re denying that you
put them there. But the on going image of another
person growing closer to you, those unavoidable
thoughts of wanting them just to talk to you let
alone be next to you. The moment of bliss that
follows the realization that what you thought could
never be, is and is better than you imagined. How
sweet it is to know that you got what you wanted,
more so what you deserved. Like you’re worth loving
and going unnoticed is a feeling that comes with
loneliness and is rarely justified to believe.
Underestimating only to be exceeded is breath taking
all on its own but the immediate pleasure that you
receive is surreal. In order; the unease of not knowing
what lies ahead of me in a way that I dreaded because
social situations being glued to only person is always
uneasy and quickly becomes boring. But never did I
think it would be a different person that I might be
attached to and in an entirely different way. The
sweat of cold food under a heating lap and energetic
students trying to get their fill, both of carbohydrates
as well as interaction. Easing my way into a situation,
forcing my self to move physically as to not stand out.
It’s sticky now, on my skin and in my hair. I want to
run outside with the excuse of nicotine or just to
wash my face but something deep inside me pulls me
to stay. I see something I want and my stomach becomes
a series of knots. Whispers proceed my desires and
encouragement takes the form of gentle bullying.
I’m outside my comfort zone, attempting to be closer.
I put myself out there and all at once, I’m received.
How could it be that easy? Is it because I was there or
was it because of me? Either way, I met your goal and
avoided the sure jealousy that would be mine had it
been someone else. Shy people are exposed when
they’re forced so close together. Hours passed and
all we got was temptation and rubbing skin together
through clothes that are damp with sweat. We’re
itching with desire to remove the denim that comes
between us as our faces are close. My lip biting,
eager giggles and unavoidable smiles are seen from the
side and I think I saw you returning the favor. They
are watching us, judging us, wishing they were us.
Laughter is the subject of my paranoid mind as I’m
trying not to focus on avoiding eye contact with
boys before you that lost their chance. There are
about five, which is the exact amount to make me
wonder if it’s worth exposing my eagerness to get
lost with a stranger. Strong hands distract me and
I’m trying to keep you interested. Disappointed
am I that at a time of gratification I’m only pondering
how long it will last and how I can make it last longer.
Nothing more happened and I’m content with that.
All I wanted to know is that I could bring you close.
In tempo and on the same page about human needs,
you helped me forget about the things I can’t stop thinking about.