I pull her chair and she sits.
She says “Thank you”.
I instantly reply “You’re welcome” and speculate inwardly on the term. A simple “Thank you” reciprocated with a smile and possibly a sincere nod would suffice more logically and linguistically.
I ask for the water pitcher.
She looks at me blankly.
My eyes look away briefly to my vacant glass then back to meet her vacuous stare. I needlessly clear my throat and inquire again.
She queerly cocks her ear in my direction and smiles from the side facing me.
I am confused. I am certain of her auditory capability.
She says, “What do you say?”
I am immediately five years old. “Please?”
The magic word procures the water.
She sneezes.
I glance at her, merely attracted to the noise. Eyes meeting, I smile.
A second sneeze. So cliché.
Still with my eyes fixed on her I raise my eyebrows. Feigned concern.
Her eyebrows rise as well although she adds pursed lips, a slight downward curl.
I am unsure about this development. I am silent, watching.
Her brows drop.
Silent moments elapse. She sneezes again. Somewhat suspect.
I say “You alright?”
To which she hastily responds, “A bless you would have been nice.”
I say “Oh”.
At this point a rush of air rises from the back of her throat and her lips retreat in a surly gesture.
I liked this woman exactly two minutes and thirteen seconds ago.
DeviousLili
...perhaps the cutest way to say, “fuck off and die” to the politeness nazis that I’ve ever encountered.
Perfect.
Jared D White
Thanks Steph
btw this isn’t my wife :)