The wind and moments of peace
The wind and moments of peace belongs to the following groups:
Friends of RedBubbleAs I sit here and listen to our aspen tree leaves flutter in the breeze, I watch several chickadees splash about in the bird bath. Beneath the bird bath are remnants of gold-orange flowers of the iris plant - the first flower I have ever - ever—planted. The landscaper planted lilac bushes years ago. I never quite noticed them until recently. Now the plants have grown huge.
I sit here and try to do nothing. Just breathe. When my mind wanders, sounds of the birds splashing water or trilling to one another brings my attention back to the now. I have many new and old books on creativity, photography, and two on watercolor painting near me. I need to quit procrastinating and finish a course in photography. I don’t know if I’ll try to take a watercolor course, but looking at the books marks a big step, yet one still wrapped in thoughts of possible failure.
Such busy, useless thoughts continue. Sometimes I still worry at full throttle. For what? Why now, when no need exists? Habit, I think. I’ve worked hard to clear my life of external and internal debris and anxiety for decades. However, feelings of ease and freedom began the night my mother died, when I realized my role as peacemaker had ended, officially. I couldn’t end the constrictive habits immediately, but my world definitely tilted toward new awareness that night. And toward freedom.
Despite the new freedom, trying to find moments of peace calls for more time spent in the now. I’ve been told that’s one way to tap into long-dormant creativity, if any exists. A lifetime of trying to ignore anxiety-plus the tension and wrongdoing around me-makes tough filters to loosen.
Ursula K. LeGuin writes that “it’s the journey that matters, in the end.” Ever since the age of about eleven I’ve longed for peace of mind and body, and for a lessening of fear and anxiety. I can achieve moments of that now, particularly if the wind blows through the aspen leaves or swoops past the tall trees at night and I remember to breathe. I feel that I’ve begun that journey. The other journeys perhaps led up to this point. But now the real journey begins, because I feel more present in the moment. I slow down to notice the poppies blowing in the field. As long as I don’t long for a camera to capture the moment, I can breathe and be IN the moment. And perhaps recall that moment when I need it. Not a bitter old embedded anger, but a gracious, beautiful moment.
The sound of the fluttering aspen leaves calls me back to the present. I must breathe now.
Do you worry? If you have your own ways to find inner peace and methods to trigger creativity, please comment at my words and images website.
DragonFlyer
Jan – I have no words. Just – every moment of the journey is ‘now’.....
K xx
Jan Timmons replied
I know you understand, K. Thanks for the reminder.
Joanne Bradley
Jan this is so beautifully said! Not only are you a talented photographer but it seems you are a writer as well! Your story totally resonates with me. I have spent the better part of my life as a control freak and and matriarch of my family making sure that everyone is okay! Taking on the burden of caring for my mom, helping my son and daughter with their lives etc. But in the last few years I realized that if I am not okay, then what is the point. I have suffered from migraines and other stress related illnesses because of my belief that I must do it all! For a few years now I have let go, I still do a lot, but take the time for me, to relax, to breathe, to rejuvenate, to recover, to create, to read, to contemplate and to be in the moment and appreciate and enjoy what I do have! And what a difference that has made! It is because of this time devoted to me that I found photography and now my world has changed completely. I always thought of myself as a business person, an organizer, a supervisor, a manager but never as someone with any artistic bent at all! And now I realize my creative self was there all along I just ignored it! What you have described is a form of meditation and I try to incorporate that in my daily life as well. I so totally appreciate your sharing this wonderful prose with us! And now I am going to check out our words and images website! Big hug! :-)
Jan Timmons replied
What a lovely response, Joanne. Thank you for such a heartening story! I understand, I think .
chijude
Thank you for sharing yourself so beautifully Jan.
And from my perspective ….
To create the inner smile one may choose to smile at oneself and our human fragility and strength … and leave the “try” behind .. without self-judgement.
Breathe in the moment.
And, perhaps, savour and cherish, rather than grasp and hold.
Jan Timmons replied
Wise words. Thank you, Judy. Will laughing at myself do? I love to do that, after an inane action (i.e., overestimating the size of the garage as I back out).
Joanne Bradley
Jan I just read your words and images website! Fantastic! Oh my, who knew! Can I join it? Or at least get it when you update it?
Jan Timmons replied
How encouraging you are, Joanne. I added a feedburner email notifier. Thank you.
chijude
Laughter !! .. Absolutely … and especially at oneself. I had a minor …. no … be honest Jude … a major temper tantrum the other day when I could not find the instruction book to my new printer. Talk about a hissy fit !!! and then I burst into laughter… there was noone to observe my lapse.. or my laughter, as ChiChi was outside exploring.
So is the bruise to our bumperbar …. or to our ego … for being less than perfect!! You really do have to have a giggle!!
Joe Mortelliti
I liked reading your insights Jan,
Jan Timmons replied
That’s kind of you to say, Joe.
DJ LeMay
I used to HAVE to be reminded to breathe… now I remember all by myself every once in awhile…
Jan Timmons replied
Good for you, DJ. Sometimes?! I have multiple popup reminders on my computer and little notes pasted everywhere. Outside, in my element, I’m fine. Are you?
Sally Omar
Awesome!!!!!!! xoxoxo
Jan Timmons replied
Thank you.
kalaryder
I like to sit and listen to the sounds of nature around me when stressed and also to put on favourite melodies and feel myself sink into the notes and melodies.
An excellent piece of writing which resonsates.
Jan Timmons replied
Ah, yes. The music. I appreciate knowing this, Kala.
nadine henley
a brave post, jan – thanks for sharing this with us
Jan Timmons replied
I gain when others share similar angst, Nadine. Appreciate your reading. Perhaps could have written in third person, eh? Or as omniscient observer?
DJ LeMay
Yes… YES!! Outside I’m just fine… Stress was killing me and giving it all up to live, once again, in the Alaska wildnerness makes it easier and easier to be in the now... After all, the tide, the ripe berries, the fish coming in…. they wait for no man. Life revolves around what is happening in nature… you become completely one with the phase of the moon, the weather, and with whatever nature is setting on the table.
multiple popup reminders & little notesBWAA HAAAA HAAAA HAA!!Jan Timmons replied
Well put, little one. Precisely. The popups and notes are for when I must stay indoors. You understand.
DJ LeMay
All tooo well… btw – I wasn’t laughing at you… just the visual you painted… little notes and popups with one simple, but oh-so-valuable word breathe….