Royal polskiej Ligi Połączenie fal łodzią wody rowers.
Don’t even think you have to sign on for a seven year stint in the Polish Navy to get your hands on one of these exclusive Royal Polish League of Surf Boat Rowers t-shirts.
They are only available in Polish Red (unless you would prefer another colour; in which case, go for your life). What is the connection between the Polish Navy and Australian surf boat rowing, I hear you ask. Well… …. Shortly after peace broke out in 1918, two Polish sailors, Jan and Juc (their last names are not recorded) deserted after their destroyer ran aground on the Vistula Spit near Gdansk, in the Baltic Sea.
They hitch-hiked south to the Mediterranean and joined a fetta boat on its maiden voyage from Koroni, a town on the southwest peninsula of the Peloponnese on the Gulf of Messina, to Australia. They jumped ship at Melbourne, headed for the surf coast and, after crossing Spring Creek at Torquay, decided to establish a village. The reason? Jan and Juc figured they could make a living out of building four-oared fishing boats with a similar number of slippery panels for gutting fish.
They discovered the need for a fifth crew member, one at the back who could wield a bigger oar and had a very expressive face. This was necessary because the other crew members could not see where they were going and relied on the fifth oarsman to tell them. But the waves were often so big where Jan and Juc had made their new home that the fifth oarsman was often struck dumb with fright. His appearance could sweep rapidly from serenity to sheer panic, thus making the decision on bailing out or staying with the ship a little easier.
It soon became tradition that only the biggest people on the beach could be selected to row these magnificent machines. The smaller (and smarter) people were selected to guard other beach goers from FGWS (a breed of shark) and other dangers of the beach.
Right… where was I going with this?
Yep, that’s right: anyway Jan and Juc became very successful at building and racing these new boats and decided to visit their homeland and show their family and friends what they had achieved.
They returned home, formed the Royal polskiej Ligi Połączenie fal łodzią wody rowers and were hailed as heroes of the state.
Unfortunately, Jan and Juc were recognised for what they really were: deserters from the Polish Navy.
Because we feel such an affinity with Jan and Juc, all profits from the sale of these shirts will go to funding my trip to Poland to protest their innocence, vouch for their good behaviour and plead for their speedy return to the town they founded.
Anyone who has further information about Jan and Juc may like to contact me at email@example.com. I’d love to publish any additional information about these two rascals.
This just in from a Scottish reader who claims his name is Lachlan McWalensa::
“Hello comrade. I knew Jan and Juc from short time I spent in Gdansk Correction Facility. Although Jan denies it, Juc telled me he (Jan) was really first man to surf what he called Bellsabeecha. Is true?! He telled me so!! Solid brother!!”