What goes around....
Twisted Tales Star Twister # 56 Prompt- deal
The word count is over because it picks up my highlighting marks, so disqualify this if you have to.
What goes around.... belongs to the following groups:
! Creative Writing & Poetry !, Short stories - Spherical Scriptings, The Word Tree, Twisted Tales, Up & Coming Writers, Vibration in Art and Verse - VAVoom! and WMGGet ready everybody…we have arrived at the fair! Hear the twinkling of the merry-go-round? Ahh…I can smell the popcorn. Cotton candy here we come!
All right!!....but Momma I don’t have to go on any of the scary rides, do I?
Of course not, Joey…..That’s why Billy brought Andy, so you can stay safely on the ground with me.
Oh Mom!, he’s scared of everything, come on pansy boy…let’s go on this one…. look up there………see it spin and spin?
Momma!
Stop it Billy, go ahead and have fun, we’ll wait right here.
Oh…this looks like fun! How about the house of mirrors, everybody?
I don’t know Mom, Joey might see his baby face too many times and cry……….wahhhhh!
I don’t want to go in the house of mirrors, Momma.
Okay, well we’ll just go have a corndog while they go.
That was a blast!! Now let’s go in the fun house. Come on Joey, it’s just a fun house. I’ll make you a deal, you go on this ride with us and I’ll never tease you again about being a big baby, okay?
Well……....…okay,..... but it’s not scary, is it?
No……dummy!, it’s a “Fun” house.
Momma, you’re going to come too, right?
No, it looks like only a three seater, I’ll just wait out here.
Ooooooo…it’s getting darker Joey……hear that creaking in the tracks? I hope we don’t get stuck in here….don’t worry, we won’t let the monsters or creepy clowns eat you…….Hahaha!
MOMMA!!!!!!!!!
She can’t hear you now; Momma’s boy….go ahead scream till your head pops off!
Click…Click……………Click…..Snap!
What happened? Oh my God, we really are stuck in here! Help, Help……….Help us!.....Andy, did you see that, that clown over there just smiled at me…..Andy?............Andy?...........Joey?.
......where did you guys go? It’s soooo dark………..Help me!
Mom!.....help……….I want my MOMMY!
Hey Andy….........where’s Billy?
“I’m sorry Mrs. Tate, when the ride broke I grabbed Joey’s hand and a guy led us out the back. I thought Billy was right behind us. They said it might be a while till they get it fixed, I think he’s locked in there.”
Trenchtownrock
This is very good writing..love the dialogue and the way you setup the write..you painted the event and scene very well and the characters really came alive…nicely done.
Solar Zorra replied
Thank you so much, I so enjoy your writing, this comes as quite a compliment.:) Solar
erich biemer
great fun and kitsch…..the accompanying photo reminds me of that cult film ‘killer clowns from outer space’..lol…..
Solar Zorra replied
Thanks erich…...this picture reminds me of the movie “it” which is my all time scariest movie, I don’t think I’ve seen killer clowns but it sounds like another creepfest. :) Solar
funkyfacestudio
Ha ha ha good one Sol Sol, He had it coming. Great twwist LOL !
Solar Zorra replied
Thanks Funky…......I had four older brothers, so this is therapy writtng! :)Solar
John Braxton ...
I love it!!!! Solar, my love, your talents amaze me!!! Great job!! Another one…I’m telling you, I’m building a greatest hits collection from you…Great job!
Solar Zorra replied
Oh, John, you titillate me so! Thanks for all your encouragement and affection.X :)Solar
dancharles
Good write Solar , I like the pace and the dialogue.
Solar Zorra replied
Thanks Dan, I can’t wait to see your next story, you are the twister man! :) Solar
TheWanderingBoo
creepy…
Solar Zorra replied
Yes…....that’s what I was aiming for. Thanks. :) Solar
KMorral
lol, great twist on the family ‘bully’...hope he doesn’t suffer too much- remember he is only fairly young…! :-P
Solar Zorra replied
Feel free to let him out K, I left his demise up to everyones imagination. Personally I was thinking of a much creepier ending, but decided I best not kill of any kids, I already have enough blood on my pages. :) Solar
happyfeet5
Oh, oh. Wonder who that guy was that led them out. Only let two of them out. Not the three. jejeje. Well written. Iris
Solar Zorra replied
I think he was a special friend of “comes around”. Thanks Iris. :) Solar
Teacup
Have never liked clowns and this pic reminds me why! Creepy story and good twist…. I dont think I’ll have a turn in the fun house thanks! x
Solar Zorra replied
Thanks T. I hate clowns too….....this picture was what inspired my story, well that and growing up with four older brothers. :) Solar x
Zolton
Oh no! Billy surely learned his lesson. yeah… that clown pic is scary!!
Solar Zorra replied
Ha, I know, I hate clowns! :) Solar
Alison Pearce
Great tale!! Excellent creepy atmosphere and great twist!!
Solar Zorra replied
Thanks Alison, I appreciate your feedback. :) Solar
Mark Bateman
Serves Big Jessy Billy right!
Solar Zorra replied
If only I could have done some “comes around” on my four older brothers, ha! :) Solar
ArcadiaTempest
Geezzzz creepy or what….I hate going on scary rides…call me a scardy cat and I will meow loudly back! Loved the dialogue style..
Solar Zorra replied
know, I hate scary rides and clowns……....we wouldn’t have much fun at the fair, huh? :) Solar
ArcadiaTempest
Ohhhhh yes we would baby XXX
Jim Hall
I didn’t start to dislike the rides at fairs until I began to ride them. Nice twist! JH
Solar Zorra replied
Thanks Jim. I like rollercoasters but not at the fair…...where they put them together with screwdrivers, Ha! Solar