What I really think is scary, and sometimes I have a hard time writing it. For one thing, it is really hard to let other people know the weird realities of your life. Especially when you feel like you have to be on guard all of the time, like I do, (long story). You start thinking, if I let them in, how will they use this? Or what if they don’t believe it? But then I think, who cares, if they believe or disbelieve. After all, they didn’t go through it, I did, and I know the truth. And what they think should not really matter to me when I am writing, otherwise it will just hinder me, and I won’t be able to express myself correctly, I have to put down the truth when I am writing. It is my only outlet, my reserve for a sane space in reality. Where I can express my inner most feelings and thoughts without fear of reprisal, if I can’t do this, then I don’t want to write because it must be real. It must be real. So I have to let go of my fears and inhibitions, and just write the truth, as I see it anyway. I have to be able to not worry about other people hurting me, or using what I say against me. If you don’t like what I write or what I think then you don’t have to read it, just say no! Walk away, that is your choice. But I have no choice when I write. I have to write the truth from my heart and experiences, or it isn’t worth writing and it is not really me.
JANE Á PARIS
Copyright ©2008 JANE Á PARIS
This is just how I feel when I write…