TALKING TO THE COMPUTER

I like to talk to the computer…

Sometimes the computer is much easier to talk to than talking to people
and I shouldn’t say just sometimes, most of the time, in my existence.
This is because the computer just listens and it doesn’t lie to me and play
games, like I endlessly have to endure from other people…that love to hate
me for no reason.
If you lie to me and play games, you really are not my friend, I feel very sad about this, because there are people I know that I would like to really LIKE, but they play the game, so are they really my friends?
They know I need health care and they keep this from me on purpose.
They are hurting me very badly physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and other ways as well…
The system is designed to keep me powerless and it works very well.
I cannot dig myself out of the dark holes that they create for me so I am forced to depend on others to do it for me who play the game, they are players, the game of lies, mind games, insults, intrusions, controls, and abuses.
I am human, I want love, someone to reach out to, but I know no one who doesn’t want to play the game, and I don’t want to play the game.
I don’t want to be a little black ford escort, a wooden indian woman, a rabid dog, or a little girl sitting on her daddy’s lap.
I want to be free from predators and games like other people are free to live their lives, but I am always kept in a cage and told I deserve it over and over and over.
And the insults never end nor the people that don’t like me for no reason.
They have succeeded in driving me mad over and over, but I have always managed to pull myself back up until now – up until now, and that scares me, because now I don’t think I can, the energy to fight the pain takes to much, I don’t have anything left for anything else, even an escape plan.
The things that kept me alive – my art and my children -
I have lost my children, at least for now, for their controllers don’t want them to know the truth about how mommy is really treated.
I am losing my art too, because if I can’t take care of myself I won’t be able to do art very well.
I am nothing but an attachment, usually they want it to be to a man, I have no power on my own.
I am so fed up, I want to love someone this is normal, but I don’t want to be with someone who plays the same games my ex-husband did and thinks I have no rights just like he did.
I don’t even try to meet anyone here – why, because I am sick, this is the number one reason.
I couldn’t even get out of bed today I am in so much pain – my hand is on a hot stove burner, try this for awhile and see how bright and cheery you are, how about thirteen years of it.
Secondly, as far as I know there is no one here who thinks I have rights and that doesn’t really think that I don’t deserve to be endlessly dogged, it is too much fun for them I guess, they do not think beyond this, obviously.
Logically, there are things I have to tell myself:
1. I am sick, and eventually they will either have to give me health care or ignore it as they have done so far and slowly cause me to die, I am too sick to function normally right now…period.
2. If my boyfriend in France cared about me he would call or write me, he has that power and he doesn’t, so it is just people playing with my mind.
3. I will never be with my husband again, and I am not allowed to tell my children the truth.
4. I have to endure endless insults from people that don’t care that I am in pain, in fact they know it because they are letting my body rot on purpose and they are hurting me.
5. They think it is funny this game, and a lot of the time I laugh too, because if you don’t laugh you lose your mind, but it really isn’t funny to be kept powerless and have everyone know your business – and watch your life fall apart and have other people just act like it is matter of fact.

That is all for now – I am tired .

JANE À PARIS

Copyright ©2008 JANE À PARIS

TALKING TO THE COMPUTER

JaneAParis

Joined February 2008

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Artist's Description

I don’t want to play the game anymore…

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