a lot of losers, and no winners…

I need to leave
but where should I go?
and what will I do when I get there?
the dilemmas I FACE
are overwhelming and never-ending
I was in the same position
12 years ago
really even more
it’s really going on 23 years
and what position is that
it’s the screw position
no matter what I do
that is the position that they
always seem to be putting me in
one way or another
they won’t let me have legs
they pretend that is not what they are doing
but it is
they make your sexuality the complete focus of your life
and they punish you either way
if you do your bad
if you don’t your bad
they put you on a plate like a dessert
and when you become stale and unedible
like all desserts eventually do
then you lose your value as a human being
because that is the only thing they will allow you to have
they won’t let you be a normal person
with a good job, financial security, health care, benefits, privacy, good relationships, friends, beliefs, belongings, etc…
not only that but they play with my mind all of the time
and they leave sickness in my body
I am dying
they break my bonds
they keep me from my children and they hurt my children with lies
why do they keep me in a cage?
I don’t know, just because, it is the system
I especially don’t understand
when it hurts others who are innocent,
like my children
why do they think they have the right to abuse me forever?
I don’t know, just because, it is the system
and they do,
that is the truth
the guilt trips never stop
the mind games never stop
the insults never stop
I live in fear and pain all the time, all the time, all the time,
all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time,
all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time,
I am so tired of being me

I wonder if in Mexico
I can squeeze all my loveliness
into a red bikini
and LIE on the beach in the SUN
until a mexican man falls in love with my tonnage
and where in the H.E.L.L. double toothpicks
will I get the energy to be a sugarlump again?
I have already been tortured in a past sugarlump life
people have no idea what I have been put through
I have been hunted like an animal
and not allowed to have any security
Do I want to be a sugarlump again in Mexico?
however, if I stay here am I not just a sugarlump too?
and a hated one at that
am I going in circles?
am I going crazy?
is everything in my life being devalued?
not only am I just a piece of ‘A’
but I am a fat and old piece of ‘A’
that’s the way they want me to feel
and they win
because they just treat you that way until they make it a reality
a useless old woman in a red suit -
it is a cruel nasty game, with lots of losers
and no winners


Copyright ©2008 JANE Á PARIS

Currently unavailable for purchase


This is about political persecution and abuse. I think it PRETTY much speaks for itself.

I have a deep love for expressionism – ‘Expressionistic artist sought to develop pictorial forms which would express their innermost feelings rather than represent the external world. Expressionist painting is intense, passionate and highly personal, based on the concept of the painter’s canvas as a vehicle for demonstrating emotions. Violent, unreal color and dramatic brushwork make the typical expressionistic painting quiver with vitality.’ This is what I try to achieve when I paint.

View Full Profile


  • Faizan Qureshi
    Faizan Qureshiover 6 years ago

    Wow Jane, so much emotion and feel in this.

  • Yes, much emotion…and things lost that will never be regained. Thank you Faizan for your reading, time, and comments.

    – JaneAParis

  • seraph
    seraphover 6 years ago

    what society chooses to value pisses me off

  • Yes, it is really frustrating when your forced to go in circles over and over again for a long, long time, and you realize there is no ’f’ing escape. Please excuse me. And you just have to ask why? Sometimes people are so cruel for no good reason at all, just because they can, that is all. And they don’t care about what they are really doing or devaluing. Thanks for your reading, your time, and your comments. Smiles from Jane.

    – JaneAParis

desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

10%off for joining

the Redbubble mailing list

Receive exclusive deals and awesome artist news and content right to your inbox. Free for your convenience.