WHY DID THEY HAVE TO KILL ME?

why did they have to kill me?

why did they have to kill me?
i had so much left to do
i had wonderful children
first one, then two

i know that i am dying
i feel it inside my body
eating at my insides
where it hides

things i remember
being healthy
running, swimming, skiing
having no pain

but that was a long time ago
twelve years can be an eternity
when you are standing in the rain

i wanted to paint many pictures
i painted only a few
i am proud of my few
my indian lady, my baby angel, my sleeping beauties,
jessica, my little french girl, my baby mermaid, my bathtime babies,
my indian lady riding the horse, riders on the devil’s tail,
my buried suffocated lady…
there were others, isn’t that sad
i can’t even remember my own paintings, stress

i know i am amoung the walking dead
i have figured more out than i should
i really have no future of my own
i am at the whim and fancy of others
they are killing me with their whims and fancies
meanwhile they lettooth me rot, maybe a little too long
all the energy that i have mustered over the years to fight it
has finally left me, i have very little left at all
it would not take very much more
to put me in my grave

someone just passed around me
a ghost i felt their presence
a very cold wind breezed around me,
then it stopped
was it a greeting from the other side?
telling me i might be there sooner than i thought
like someone waking you up to tell you bad news,
when they should have let you sleep

i think they cannot fix what they have broken
they have left me to live in misery
i am being eaten alive
if they don’t fix what they broke
i will die, i am on my way there now
i can tell just be looking in the mirror
i try to tell myself this isn’t so,
but i see it in the reflections

who will miss me when i’m gone?
truly, my children, who have acknowledged my humanity
all along, these eleven years
who will i miss when i am gone?
truly, my children, who have acknowledged my humanity
all along, these eleven years
as for the others, well, they put me in this state
it wasn’t my fate, it was a dictate…
why did they have to kill me?
my soul, my body, and my heart

JANE Á PARIS

Copyright ©2008 JANE Á PARIS

WHY DID THEY HAVE TO KILL ME?

JaneAParis

Joined February 2008

  • Artist
    Notes

Artist's Description

About trying to understand cruelty. About trying to comprehend the meaning of it all. About death and dying. About not being allowed to control your own life. About being victimized, and not being able to protect yourself. About unconditional love, the love of children. About dreams, and aspirations. About realizing your own insignificance in the scheme of things…

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