The gate creaked open a little, maybe by accident, maybe on purpose, it was very strange. After all these years of being tortured and looking for him, she had finally found him. Of course it was too much to hope for, that he would be the portal to the freedom she so longed for. You see she was being held in a political and sexual cage. She had been put through years of torture by the State. Years of inexplicable, unbelievable, astounding torture. Where to begin to tell the story is difficult for her. It is such a long story. They hurt her when she had her second child. They hurt her really bad, and then they tortured her. They sent her home from the hospital to take care of her baby and her three year old with a terrible infection in her body. They put her children in jeopardy by doing this, but they didn’ t care, they were just that evil. She had stayed with her children for years and years with the illness and infection in her body, until she could no longer take it. She had been a good and loving mother to her children and a good and loyal wife too, but that didn’t matter to them. It was a game to them, her tormentors. She was never free according to them, and she was never free of them. She was nothing more than a toy to be batted back and forth with their abuses. They tortured her until they finally broke her down physically and mentally, and she had got on a plane to a foreign country, France.
Then began another story, still under the auspices and control of the State, something it seems this poor woman could never escape, the profound power of the police and the State. They are after all in almost every country, so in a way they are inescapable. Especially if you have a problem with them, and it does not matter if it is fair what they are doing or not, they just do it anyway. She had tried to reason with her tormentors many times, but to no avail. They had kept her in this miserable cage of endless torture for over twelve years. She had felt terrible rage many times, especially for not understanding why male conscientious objectors were and had not been tortured like she had been. Because she was a woman they could rape her forever, physically and get away with it. They could reach inside her body and twist her insides, and not put them back together until she did what they wanted, which was to have a sexual relationship with a man. They not only controlled all the factors in her life, like her employment, her housing, her education, etc…but they also controlled her health and her medical care, and they had kept her in never-ending slavery with all of this for twelve years. There were many men who were conscientious objectors that did some service for the State in a State work camp and/or such, and then they were allowed to go free and on with their lives, but not her. They had kept her in chains for years and years and years, and they still were. Why? The hatred and sickness she felt in her heart and body was so hard to fathom, it was born out of years and years of never-ending abuses by crude people who thought that they had some inexplicable right to do anything and everything to her. They were very hateful and nasty for no good reason really, just because she was their target and they were full of unreasonable and unintelligent hate.
Now she was really ill and all alone. The gate had creaked open a little for her tonight, in some weird way. She had just looked him up in the French yellow pages, not expecting to find him, after all she had done this a million times before, and lo and behold, there he was. His address and his telephone number. She could not believe her eyes. After five years of hell and wishing that he was real so many times, there he was. Of course she had no idea if he wanted to talk to her, and he probably didn’t. He was probably married by now or had a girl friend, but that was not really the issue for her, so much as was just the torture she had been put through over him. She had gone all the way to France to be with him, and she had given up everything, especially her beloved children, with whom she had been extremely close to. When she was in France she had tried so hard to please the people who kept her, and she never knew if he was real or not. She had wanted to stay, but they had made her leave, and in not so kind of a way. She had been in love with him, but at the same time she was very distraught over the loss of her family, her husband, and her children. They had made her leave and come back to the United States, she had not wanted to, she had wanted to stay in France.
When she came back they tortured her. The police, the doctors and others. They tortured her really badly. They harassed her at every job she had. They would not give her medical care and she was deathly ill. They were intentionally destroying her health. They were slowly murdering her. They had GPS on her truck, and they followed her everywhere she went and tormented her with disrespect and crude insults and slurs. They made her lose her jobs and she had to sleep in her truck, ill, because they had made her lose her apartment. They had shamelessly and never-endingly tortured her. They refused to give her medical care, and they left an intentional infection in her body. They insinuated the only way to end the infection in her body was if she slept with a man. She could not do it by going to the doctor, because the doctors wouldn’t give her medical care on her own. She couldn’t do it through working, because everytime she had a job they harassed her and fired her. They only way they would let her have any control over her life is if she was attached to a man, or at least that was the very strong implication and truly the reality of their torture, because they had ultimate control, she needed medical care, and they would only provide it if she did what they wanted, which was to have a relationship with a man. Of course they would deny this, because they lied about everything. They had been torturing her for years and lying about it. Very soon in the near future, she would find out if he was a potential gate to her freedom or not, in some sense of the word, since she was never truly really free. Sometime in the near future she would hopefully talk to him, in the next few days.
So her only gate or portal of relief was through a man. Of course she didn’t like this very much, it was much the same as being treated like a whore. She was not being allowed to drive her own car and they lied about it. At this point in her life she really had no one. She was a little bit down. A little bit blue. Which really was pretty amazing considering what she had been put through to be just a little bit blue. She had endured years and years of abuses, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and other kinds of abuses as well, but she had always managed to be as strong as she possibly could and to keep some sort of focus. But the years had worn on her, just as the illness in her body was wearing on her too. Now she had found him again, and she wondered what it would be like to talk to him, her French boyfriend. Was he a portal, a gate? Or would it end in nothing as before. He had never been real before. Would he be real now? She didn’t even care that much if he was married or had a girlfriend, she just wanted him to have the courtesy to be real. For so long she had been tortured over him by others. But he had never been real. A real person that she talked to on the phone, or saw at the doorstep. He was someone that was hiding behind a camera along with all the others and she didn’t think that was very nice. She had only ever wanted him to be real. She had gone through so much for him. She had been made to prove herself over and over again for him, yet she never had been awarded him, he had never been real, and she had adored him so. And she was angry now that so much time had gone by, wasted time, lost time. They always blamed her for everything, even though she had no control, and they knew this, it wasn’t her fault. They were unfair, and they didn’t care that they were unfair. They had made her leave. She had wanted to stay, and she had wanted to return to France so many times in the last five years, to go back. Even though she wasn’t free there either really, she didn’t want to be in her own country anymore, she had nothing to stay for, she had lost everything. She had lost her family, her home, her marriage, her health, and her children. And not only that they would not leave her alone and just let her function as a person. After everything they had put her through, all they years of endless torture, they still persisted in torturing her more, and they just wouldn’t let her function, even if it meant that her children suffered because of it. Their persecution made no sense. The senseless brutality of it, for they didn’t even care who got in the way, it was just a game to them and they did not care about their victims, even the ones that were completely innocent, innocent bystanders.
JANE Á PARISCopyright ©2008 JANE Á PARIS
Just a tiny bit of what could be potentially a longer story, or what will probably just get shot down from the air…courrier en l’avion.