James Potter

It started with an email like this.

Am MARTINS MARY from FLORIDA ( United States ) i will like to
>> > order for some of your items but before i proceed i will like to
>> > know if you can ship to AUSTRALIA and if you do accept credit
>> > card as payment method.kindly notify me in other for me to
>> > proceed with the order . Please include your website in other for
>> > me to select items for quotation.
>> >
looking forward to read from you

regards
MARTINS MARY

Now I’ve been almost scammed before by this same method so I wrote back.

Hi, I sell Muskrat toenail jewelry. I would like to shout out a
>> friendly welcome and I hope we can do business. Now i’m going to
>> tell you a little about our jewelry line since you havnt been to our
>> website yet and you don’t know what we sell. But. I like a customer
>> that just says I don’t care what you sell, I’ll take it. Now…about
>> our jewelry. We only use the best Muskrat toenails. now let me say
>> no animals are harmed in any way here. If you’ve never seen a muskrat
>> toenail they look like an Oyster toenail but are a little bluer.
>> They really polish up nicely. We use a polishing process that dates
>> back to the 1500s where we take the toenails and put them up a
>> chickens rectum then a plug is inserted. The chicken is fed nothing
>> but fine African angel sand which is gathered on the banks of the
>> artichokeyugava river in south Africa. Then it’s mixed with a
>> little cutting oil. Believe me, chickens will gobble this stuff up
>> in a hurry. We then put the chicken in a round room, then we turn a
>> half crazed blindfolded chicken hawk loose in the room with it for
>> a couple hours and after the chicken runs and flaps its wings till it
>> cant run and flap anymore we catch the chicken hawk and then we
>> catch the chicken pull the plug out of the chickens rectum. Man…
>> out pops some of the finest polished muskrat toenails you’ve ever
>> seen. They will just knock your eyes out. Now Muskrat toenails are
>> really hard material. We use a 1/16 inch gerrazyio diamond tucked
>> serriveated shuttle drill bit mounted in a 1,245,000,000 RPM
>> drill. We have to order these from NASA. We have to wear a carbon
>> fiber fully blown charcoal brickett face mask and a full body suit to protect us from
>> the dust produced from the drilling process. One little nano speck
>> of dust from the toenail can make you very impotent. After a hole
>> is drilled we then cool the toenail useing the CO2 coronezum
>> process which instantly takes the toenail to 245 and 1/2 degrees
>> below freezing. This hardens the toenails even more to
>> 1,456.000 subcrons of preversity. Thats really hard, if you want to know how hard that is. Go out side tonight and try to jump over the moon, thats how hard that is
>>Now after the toenails are brought back up to room temperature
>> a long hair from the tail of a gazalian wondering desert stallion, is inserted through the hole. The Gazalian desert Stalian wonders the Gazalian desert looking for the junipee mushroom that they just love to eat and at the same time they are also wondering where all their tail hair went. But after the hair is threaded through the hole in the toenail is is tied in a 4clove crutchhitch for decoration.
It would look really good around your neck. especially if you were
hanging from an oak tree limb. Well, thats about it.
Hope I can be of help to you in the near future. Oh yeah while your
on our website check out our new line of Beaver scale sunglasses.
>>
>> Regards
>> Rustio Pontiac
>> Sales and Promotions

Then he writes back.

> Thanks for the update kindly give me the total cost of the 30 of your items. you may
> not bother about the shipping charges i have contacted a shipping agent in
> united kingdom who will pick up the package direct from your store .

And I thought I was stupid!