How the War Ended

Author: Matthew Dalton
Word Count: 243
previous browse writing next

How the War Ended

For the Star Twister ‘Still’ Competition

Storms lashed the east coast of our land whipping the sea into a rebellious rage. Salty sea spittle mixed with black rain drops; stinging skin and freezing bones.

Our legends say that Earth and Sky are ancient lovers. Do you doubt it? Do they not fight with lovers passion?

This day they fought to kill. Hearts full and blind drunk on boiled blood and rage.

Sky threw fiery tridents; Earth retaliated with mighty fists – sharp and stony. They ripped and tore each other, swore and cursed each other, neither side giving an inch.

Once houses were destroyed my people huddled together in caves, but nowhere was safe from the battle.

For three weeks no star was seen and no sunrise brightened land.

On the afternoon of the third day in the third week, exhausted beyond measure, Sky began to relent. Earth called a truce and a grey gloom settled over the world.

Many of my people died in that war. Many more lost homes and property.

Some say they built these pyramids as monuments to the dead but that is not the truth. By their sweat and toil my people built these pyramids to hold the Heavens from the Earth that we may live in the stillness of our land.

To this day it seldom rains in Egypt.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—

iAN Derrick

Did I hear…Tutt …Tutt…..Who said that..2 can car men ?
Did the white try to cause a blue with the other..in a river of flood….A-nile-alate de lot cried the scribe cause history now be writ upon RB…Be not gyped with pyramidical thought…..yet another good tale Matthew.
Matthew Dalton replied

Hehe. Thanks iAN. I have a feeling you could have kept going with that (and I could have kept reading).

I’ve seen the embalmed bodies in the Egypt Museum. Funnily enough they look a lot like Wombats.
Jeannette Sheehy

I just love your use of language – it flows beautifully. The description of the earth and sky battling it out is awesome. Another great piece from you. I keep wanting to put exclamation marks but realised this week that I use too many…now I’m sounding dull as if I’m marking an English comprehension essay….so here goes – AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks very much Jeannette. I have the same problem with exclamation marks. Sometimes!!

Love your enthusiasm.

It’s great having an exclamation mark used in a positive comment.
George Yesthal

Way fucking cool, Matt. “Salty sea spittle”? I love it. Great concept too.
Matthew Dalton replied

This is where I turn to my English teacher and say “Eat that Ms Jones. Personification and alliteration in one sentence.”

Thanks very much for the comment George.
Banalheed

Another tale of epic proportions from you Matt. Some of the imagery here is top notch. Maybe I be as bold to suggest the line: “Salty sea spittle mixed with black rain drops and stung, drenched and froze the people’s bones” would be stronger with it simply ending: ”...drenched and froze bones?” Not sure “the people’s” is required and for me, it flows a little better?
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks Banal, it’s that sentence, the one that sometimes sounds okay and sometimes doesn’t.

I have read it through about forty times now, changing it here and there. In the end I settled on what you suggested.
Zolton

Very powerful. I enjoyed reading it. Ha ha and the thought of Egyptian wombat mummies.
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks very much Zolton. iAN believes he will be reincarnated as a wombat – I’m trying to offer him some hope. : )
Zolton

That’s cool… my animal spirit guide is a capybara. We all have our thing. I hope he’s excited about that!
Matthew Dalton replied

I had never heard of that animal before. Cute little critter!
Damian

Excellent Matthew. Loved the creation myth approach, and the way you’ve gone with the language.
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks very much Damian, the myth idea came from a Maori legend. When I did a bit of research on the topic it turns out a few cultures have similar ideas about the sky and earth being too close and needing to be separated. Maybe there is some truth to it.
Alix Purcell

Great story Matthew – I really enjoyed it – love your use of the first person “we” and reference to you… hard to make fly, but it works well here ;) Great write.
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks Alix. To be honest I hadn’t thought of that. There’s a tip for my next story. Thanks very much for reading.
KMFalcon

I’ve just joined RB. This is the first thing I have read and I’m impressed. Thanx Matthew
Matthew Dalton replied

Thank-you very much KMFalcon. I’m looking forward to reading some of your creations.

There are lots of good writers here. Drop me a Bubble Mail if you have any trouble finding your way around the site.
dirtman

Fabulous voice here. I love your word choices, and the theme is epic!
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks dirtman. It didn’t start off epic – I was going to write something completely different.
Alison Pearce

Magnificent Matthew!!
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks Alison – glad you liked it.
Miri

i don’t know how you cram so much into so few words!!
very nice read, some great imagery & nice twist
Matthew Dalton replied

Actually I got stuck at 150!

Thanks for reading Miri.
Paul Rees-Jones

Awsome story. Again i love your style and approach.
I sit at your feet excitedly waiting the next lesson. Great job!
My spirit guide is an Otter…dunno why…just is…LOL
Matthew Dalton replied

An Otter? That’s a very agile animal; on land or in water. Could be a useful spirit guide.

Really glad you liked the story. Not sure I want to be a teacher – unless it’s the kind who reads you stories when you should be doing maths!
anya

Like a spiritual myth – thought I was reading a strong story of legend. I like the epic overtones.
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks Anya. I guess the personification of the elements was spiritualisation of nature. I’d never really thought of it quite like that before.

Maybe it’s time for a three page novel : )
Micky McGuinness

Of epic and Biblical proportions; in 150 words that is mighty fine achievement.
Great read, fabulous imagery and wonderful use of language.
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks very much MickyMC. The storm imagery comes from the South Coast of the North Island of New Zealand. That’s near where I grew up. The weather can be epic and inspiring there.
Reiana

Wow – so poetic I love this. This would make an excellent prolgue to a novel on this theme. So many possibilities !! :)
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks very much Reiana. That’s high praise.
PJ Ryan

my people built these pyramids to hold the Heavens from the Earth that we may live in the stillness of our land.

To this day it seldom rains in Egypt.

.. what a beautiful piece of writing .. loved those ending lines so much.
Matthew Dalton replied

Thanks very much Nicole. I spent an age working on that last line. I think the original said something about Aswan – one of the driest places on earth.

Thanks very much for the comment.