01. I’m kind of like the bionic woman . . . all of my senses are heightened and turbo-charged. It’s hard for me to be in public environments because the noises, scents and energy are so loud to me – I can become quickly overwhelmed. I startle very easily. I also have night-blindness which makes my eyes extremely sensitive to light. I’ve tried to describe what it’s like to others and I guess it’s kind of like wearing a hearing aid when you don’t need one or experiencing life through a really bad-ass amplifier! LOL I’m always in, “high alert” mode. One day, I finally sought a diagnosis and learned that the name for this phenomena is PTSD. I like quiet, the sound of silence, is beautiful to me.
02. I battle physical and mental demons everyday. I have Fibromyalgia, Crohn’s Disease and am BiPolar/PTSD/ADHD. It is my passion for creating art that gets me up and over these hurdles.
03. I don’t drink or smoke and i am a vegetarian :).
04. I am never bored, there are too many things I want to experience, explore, learn and accomplish. My mind and imagination are moving at warp speed 24/7. I am purpose and passion orientated, purpose + passion = BLISS :). I am reluctant about spending time with others to just “hang out” or socialize . . . but give it a purpose and/or meaning and I’m there. I have a rich interior life and am internally motivated. Time is my love language, i value MY time ;) If i were to paint a visual of that . . . it would be of me clutching a giant clock, growling and snipping at anyone that dare try and steal a single solitary second away from me! LOL
05. I suffered a severe head concussion (with several more to follow) when I was two that won me a trip to the hospital. My mother always brings that up as the reason that I am “weird and messed up” whereas my dad explains it away as it just being my “artistic temperament”. I do think the head injuries, or brain injuries rather, could be what caused my ADHD.
06. ADHD was my enemy in school but it is my ally in art :). I can hyper-focus on things that interest me and my eye for detail is crazy good! I do struggle to learn new things but i am very innovative with what I do learn. But force me into something that fails to interest me and my attention will dart all over the place. In person, my hyperactive-ness is often mistaken for high-energy or enthusiasm. When a topic of conversation interests me, i tend to dominate it and often interrupt . . . I kind of have a pressured-speech thing going so it takes a really strong personality to override that and get a word in edgewise!! And I talk really, really fast. And if it isn’t painfully obvious here . . . I also speak fluent Tangentese.
07. I am not materialistic. I don’t have much, but everything I have, I own. I am debt free and in today’s, “have now, pay later” society – that is saying a lot! It’s not always easy, but I live within my means. The words “comfortable and lavish” would NOT describe my lifestyle! LOL What people have is of little importance to me, what they ARE is much more important to me.
08. When I was in high school, I had this not-so-brilliant idea to sneak my boyfriend Alan, into my bedroom. I was having a total love affair with Alan’s MIND. He was very unique looking, intellectually brilliant, a bit odd and eccentric. I eventually realized his beautiful mind couldn’t make up for our lack of chemistry, compatibility and connection, but he was nice boy, good-hearted. But I digress . . . The reason for sneaking him into my bedroom, was not for the reasons you may think ;). He was going to bring over Pink Floyds, The Wall. Which I had not seen yet and I was totally jazzed about it. So I put my pathetic plan into action: I stayed up very late, dressed all in black, snuck down to the local park on foot and met him there. We walked up to my house and snuck in the back door that lead directly into my bedroom. A few seconds later my Dad popped out from behind my bed and yelled, “Surprise!”. Oh I was mortified! LOL But . . . in all the excitement, Alan dropped his video and left it behind, so I did get to watch “The Wall” afterall.
09. I ran away from home as a teenager, living on Vashon Island, running away meant taking the ferry and going “overtown”. People knew something was up pretty quickly because I didn’t show up for my shift at the local pharmacy (I worked for a couple of years as a Pharmacy Technician, pharmacology is fascinating). I lived in my car for several days, I was having a complete mental meltdown. I kept parking at various church parking lots around the city. But it’s kind of hard to “hide” when you drive a 1978, white, 4-door, Ford Torino. And Unbeknownst to me, my father rented a helicopter and was searching the area for me. And my BFF, Adair, went looking for me too. She actually found me and our eyes met across the parking lot. I started up my car and bolted. I felt so guilty about that, but I didn’t want to be found. So finally the police were sent out to fetch me and make me come home. It was all very dramatic.
10. In grade school, i had a strange and fascinating classmate named Greg. He was thin, with pasty-pale skin. He used to rev himself up the way one would try and start a push mower. He’d pull an imaginary starter lever and would mimic a lawnmower starting up perfectly. Once, “revved up” he’d keep that motor sound going and chase a few of the girls around, at recess. He didn’t run normal, he had this way of leaning to one side – it was unique. He had a few girls singled out, i was one of them. He had a thing for chasing me down, then kind of circling me, before pinching me in the ribs. He was a kick. I wonder whatever happened to that boy . . .
11. I grew up in a hyper-religious, very strict, Mormon household. My Dad came from a mother, of whom, was Jewish and a father, of whom, was Christian. My mother was raised Catholic but decided to convert to Mormonism when i was 4 years old. When i was a senior in high school, my parents divorced and it was at that time my father asked to be ex-communicated from the Mormon church and said he was, “tired of faking it” and admitted he was agnostic. My mother stayed in the church, i left and slowly started to navigate my own spiritual path.
I don’t regret my Mormon upbringing. It taught me discipline and gave me structure. We had Family Home Evenings every Monday. Church on Wednesday evenings and 3 hours of church on Sunday. And then i had to go to seminary for an hour, before school – during my high school years. There was a whole lot of church going on back then!
12. I am a private person and go to great lengths to preserve my little self-created universe. Few people know where i live, for a reason. I am chameleon-like with excellent interpersonal skills. So when people first meet me, they often mistake me for being social and/or extroverted. I am neither. I can quickly assess people and how best to connect to them. And they often mistake this for feeling a connection to me, when all i am doing is reflecting back, whatever they project onto me. When i first meet people, i kind of pretend i am a talk-show host and they are the guest i am interviewing. I am good at listening to others in a way that makes them feel understood, valued and validated. When someone can tune into my frequency and reach back – that is gold. I expose myself so much through my art (literally LOL), i have to have some part of me that is off limits. So in, “real life” i only have a few close friends. I desire to invest my time with people (in person) that i can co-create a spiritual, emotional and creative connection with . . .
13. The boutique I was working for at my last, “real job” (as an administrative assistant and visual merchandiser) went bankrupt and I was unemployed. The fact that they used to pay me cash out of the til and couldn’t always pay me full-wages, was kind of a tip off, of things to come. I decided it was now or never and went full-time with my creative pursuits. I started modeling for other photographers and studied their techniques. The money kept a roof over my head until my art started earning some income. I started from nothing, no business loan or investors or anything like that. I made myself a small home studio and office and was determined to make it work. I adopted a “fake it until you make it” mentality and I’m still here, doing what I love full-time!
14. I love dance. Over the years i have taken ballroom, jazz, modern and belly-dancing lessons. My favorite . . . belly-dancing. There is nothing cuter or sexier than a figure 8, hip-bump and shimmy.
15. I am hyper-analytical and rather methodical in my approach to life . . . YET I understand things by absorption rather than logic and have a keen intuition. To say that I am non-linear would be an understatement! I have an ephemeral, dreamy and impractical nature. And while these attributes serve me creatively . . . they make it challenging for me to handle life out in the “real world”.
16. I graduated from the cheesy National School of Broadcasting, class 6700. I don’t know what good my certificate of completion would do me now, they went bankrupt, shortly after I graduated. But it was a lot of fun! I acquired an internship running the boards, overnight, at a local easy-listening radio station, i learned a lot and our student station had the, “hottest rock around the block”! I was nick-named “the fox of the airwaves”. I was the only girl in the class as the other two girls dropped out, so male attention was in rich supply ;). I didn’t pursue a career in radio because I couldn’t stand being confined to that little box and told what to say and play. However, I loved doing voice-overs and hope to do some more of that in the future.
17. I respond to the world through emotion, rather than physical action, practicality, or intellect. I am sensitive and compassionate toward the feelings of others. I wear my heart on my sleeve and absorb other people’s feelings, pain and problems. I have an amazing ability to reach out to others and intuitively know what they need. I have had my compassionate nature taken advantage of more than a time or two, but I refuse to build walls around myself and have learned to be resilient.
18. The one word people have used to describe me, from the time I was in kindergarten, is “sweet” :). In person i am giddy, impish, quirky, dynamic and dare i say . . . adorable. I get excited about everything from going to grab a latte, to grocery shopping to seeing a local art exhibit. I have a vibrant enthusiasm for life.
19 In high school my sister set me up with a Mormon guy that was a member of a neighboring church “overtown”. A handsome, athletic, muscle-bound, steroid pumping (of his own admission) kind of guy. What she failed to tell me, is . . . that he was fresh out of Juve for manslaughter. Aaron wrote me the most beautiful poetry, despite still being completely obsessed with his ex-girlfriend – I’ll give him that. He used to chant this creepy psycho-babble to me (in that subtly unsettling kind of way, that only stalker-licious people can) about how he wouldn’t be able to continue on if i left him. Our last date ended with him looking for me in Vashon Island’s Park-N-Ride as i hid, freaked out in the shadows, hearing him call for me “Jaeda, Ja-a-a-a-e-e-e-d-d-dah, where are you?”. And after i finally had the courage to end it with Aaron, he showed up with his crew of guy friends at my place of work – acting all bad ass, demanding the return of his jacket.
20. I am a fraternal twin. My sister and I look nothing alike and are as different as night and day. My mother says we had our own little language when we were wee little tikes. I think it’s neat that I had a wombmate and didn’t come into this world alone.
21. I used to work in the kitchen of a nursing home, while in high school. The pay was great but I didn’t last there very long. It broke my heart to walk into work each day . . . it was like the damned of the living dead. I used to have this elderly woman, named Polly, come to the kitchen, always dressed in her purple sweatsuit. She had this, hunched over, creepy way of shuffling across the linoleum floors with her house slippers, it made a distinct sound. And in her impish, child-like voice, she would crane her neck up at me and ask me the same question, “Can I please have a Popsicle?” She was sweet and harmless but we weren’t allowed to give her Popsicles because of the salt content, so rather than keep telling her no . . . I would just dive behind the counter when I heard her shuffling down the hall toward me. I felt so guilty about that. Props to everyone that works in the health-care industry. It takes both compassion AND a strong spirit, to do that kind of work and service.
22. I was a huge flirt in grade school. Every school year i developed a new crush and would pick out the boy i was going to marry someday. I was very physical and hyperactive playing basketball with the boys at recess or chasing them down and throwing them up against the metal chain link fence that surrounded our playground. The boys would frequently chase me all over the football field at recess because I was such a fast little sprinter and they couldn’t catch me unless I let them. I didn’t feel I was all that cute back then but I was a lot of fun to talk to and the boys enjoyed my flirtatious, spunky and hyperactive nature. My sister used to sit on the bench at recess, pointing at me and saying, “There goes my sister!” as I raced passed her with a herd of boys chasing after me, trailing behind in my dusty wake. She got such a kick out of that!
Then there was the cross-country track team thing. My 5th grade teacher and track coach, Mr. Sundin, recruited me for the team, after seeing me out-run the boys at recess. My sister joined the cross-country team too. My fraternal twin sister and i had matching black sweatsuits for P.E. We were nicknamed “the black shadows” for the way we raced across the track field in our black sweatsuits. My sisters popular friends always cheered her on and not me, ticked me off, so out of spite i would push myself to run even faster so i could place ahead of her in competition. She always came in right behind me though . . . My running career ended when i hit puberty, that slowed me way down and i didn’t want to knock myself out or give myself black eyes or anything like that ;).
23. I love animals. They have so much love to share and they live honestly. What counts with them is what you are, not your status or station in life. These qualities make them a joy to be around. I only have one pet, a cat, she’s all black, including her nose, whiskers and paws. She has some Siamese in her so she is very expressive and talkative. I love her heart-shaped face and pointy ears. She knows she’s pretty and has a lot of attitude. But she is very lovie when she wants to be and has, softened some, over the years. She makes me laugh, everyday, with her quirky behaviors. She is my first and only whiskered child. She is 12 years old and i hope i get to have many more years with her. I adore her. I wish i lived on a couple acres of land with a pond with a cozy little house and studio. Then i could adopt more, furry little creatures, to love.
24. I am not a skilled driver and gladly sold my car many years ago and don’t miss it a bit! My worst accident was while driving to Bellevue to work on a rainy morning, during rush-hour. I accelerated to try and make my upcoming exit because no one would let me over. I skidded and swerved in the rain, took the light pole up and out of the ground with the impact of my car as I crashed into it. The light pole, then fell over, onto a passing van. Thankfully, no one but me, was seriously injured. It took me months to recover and i kind of permanently messed up my back. Unfortunately, I have had lots of car accidents over the years, sadly . . .most of them were my fault.
25. My dad owned a 27-foot Bayliner. When my sister and i were children, my Dad would take us out on the boat, as a family – to the San Juan Islands for two weeks. I loved being out on the water and boating was an adventure! But the rocking and horrible way the boat took the waves made me sick. My Dad got rid of the boat and had the family take sail-boating lessons – a requirement to rent the sailboats. From then on, my Dad was in love with sailing. We worked together as a family to sail the boat to the San Juan Islands. Sailing was much smoother, keels are great! But my Dad still needed his space . . .so when we’d get close enough to shore my Dad would toss us (my sister and i) in the dingy, on a rope and send us off to shore by ourselves. I loved sleeping in the bow of the sailboat, the unique sound of the harbor and buoys. It was surreal, to drift to sleep, with the sound of the waves, lapping up against my dreams. And i loved the salty, seaweed-ish scent of the air, it grew on me after awhile.
26. As a young child, I lived for several years in Phoenix, Arizona. My dad used to have this red Spitfire and would take us joy-riding around the neighborhood. I remember having wonderful friends there and we had a beautiful home. I was crushed when we moved to Seattle. My dad got rid of his red Spitfire and opted for a green Dodge Dart. I missed my friends and the warm climate. I used to have dreams I was flying back to my old neighborhood in Phoenix and would be so happy, until I woke-up. BUT eventually, I acclimated to Seattle and love the rainy days and overcast skies.
27. In grade school i looked pretty “normal” and was very sweet but definitely marched to the unique beat of my own drum! My 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, commented on my report card about my “unique interest in science”. You see, at that time i thought i was going to be a doctor and i was teaching myself everything i would need to know. I was goal-orientated! While other kids were reading popular fiction, i was checking out books on the brain and the heart. Books that had these disgusting pictures on the cover and my classmates would point at my books and say things like, “E-E-E-WWWGH GROSS!!” lol During our library time, i would pester Mrs. Matthews, every few minutes, with medical tidbits of information – i had just acquired, “Mrs. Matthews did you know that your brain uses approximately 20% of the total oxygen pumping around your body!” And she would always reply patiently with something like, “Thank you for sharing that with me Jaeda, that’s very interesting to know”. Eventually, I realized i was too squeamish, absent-minded and non-linear to be a doctor.
28. I’m an army brat, born in Fort-Gordon, Georgia. My dad was in the air-force and used the money to pay for his education. He loved aviation and software engineering. He got his piloting license and taught flying lessons for a time. Eventually he got his masters in software engineering and found a way to combine both of his passions. He now has his own company certifying the software on airplanes and lecturing around the world, teaching others how to do what he does. My dad is a brilliant, driven man.
29. I changed my name (it used to be Jana). I learned from a young age that my father had wished to name me Jaeda. As one of his army buddies had just had a beautiful little baby girl he named Jaeda. My mother disapproved of the name Jaeda, feeling it was too exotic and weird. They compromised on the name Jana. BUT, after hearing that story, i always felt like a Jaeda on the inside, i loved that name! So when i was 25, i decided to legally change my name. The name change was symbolic for me, representing a new lease on life. It was a way to start anew :).
30. I took piano lessons from about age 8 to 16. HATED my lessons and reading music but LOVED playing the piano by ear. The metronome was my nemesis! I used to spend all my practice time learning my favorite songs off of the radio by ear and then rearranging them to my liking. My favorite things to play were ragtime and blues. Not a performer, I hated recitals and realized piano playing would become more of a personal and private thing for me. Maybe I will find a way to incorporate it into my art.
enjoythejourneyinsidemyuniverse
PEACE and LIGHT
j a e d a :)
BLOG ARCHIVES
Coming to life, my first video…B/W Emotions
Absentia & Speak
Extracting the magic from the tragedy . . .
My new book is here! JAEDA shades of the soul – PREVIEW
How the Bride of Innocence was conceived . . .
Q & A with Jaeda . . .
Manic Reflections & Bi-Polarities
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Mel Brackstone...
What an amazing life you’ve led!
Jaeda DeWalt:
Thank you, Mel! :)
belair
phew!! It is like the book of your life in a one page entry…. thank you for sharing such intimate moments and memories!!
Jaeda DeWalt:
You are most welcome Peter, and you get a gold star for making it all the way through! lol ;)
DravenStudios
Thank you for sharing Jaeda! I have PTSD as well and through having: a wonderful, counselor, a few, close friends, a good, friendship with my mother, my art and two, loving adopted cats….it is better. I still have to be aware of grasping onto a emotion and holding it so tight it can strangle me. The biggest healing path has been creating in that I can let the emotions flow. I am glad that you have found that healing as well. :)
Jaeda DeWalt:
Thank you for responding with so much of yourself, that means a lot to me and touched me deep. These words leaped out at me, I still have to be aware of grasping onto a emotion and holding it so tight it can strangle me I still struggle with this… I agree that creating is an incredible gateway to healing. I am finding healing and i am happy to read that you are, too :).
Valerie Simms
Definately Jaeda :)
Jaeda DeWalt:
LOL! Indeed, Val ;).
Anthea Slade
What a thrill and honour to read this beautiful autobiography of Jaeda (yes definitely Jaeda). You are an amazing woman and what an incredible life you have lead. Your self awareness, clarity, sensitivity and honesty is a pleasure and enjoy to behold. I found these 30 autobiographical vignettes captivating and enchanting and feel that I know you even better Lovely Jaeda. Thank you so much for sharing so much of your beautiful self. xx
Jaeda DeWalt:
Anthea, you are so sweet! “Your self awareness, clarity, sensitivity and honesty is a pleasure and enjoy to behold.”
-Thank you :)-. I am impressed you made it through all 30 autobiographical vignettes! Just quirky little snapshot memories of my life. It touches me you took time to read it. It is rather lengthy! Love and light to you, always Anthea, you are such a beautifully inspiring muse :). XOCarl M. Moore
Wow! After reading all that I feel like I know you lol. It’s nice to see when some one can open up about there life to others & not hold back. Your autobiography is full of life & honesty. Yes I have to agree that Jaeda is the perfect name for such a wonderful woman like yourself, & have to agree w/ people from your life by saying your are sweet! Thanks for letting me & others take a peak into your world. <):-)
Jaeda DeWalt:
Carl, your response was so kind and so sweet. Thank you for your interest in my art and the woman behind it. This blog is so long and you made it all the way through and stayed up late to finish it! Thank you :). PEACE and LIGHT to you ~Jaeda
Carl M. Moore
It was a honor & privelage to read it, I have say I’m looking forward to reading more about you & how you work/believe in things :)
dave12113
wow – passing traveller here… read the book (vignettes, epiphanys..) watched the movie, amazed and captivated by the images. My senses feel assulted by this intensity, dark, brooding, deliciously twisted soul that is laid bare and raw….
Jaeda DeWalt:
Dave, thank you for sharing of your thoughts. I am impressed you took the time to view my book, video and other creative meanderings. I hope having your senses assaulted was a kind of good thing? ;)
PEACE and LIGHT
j a e d a
dave12113
oh most definately a good thing. I do relate to this darker side myself – however I’m not sure that I would choose to live with the same inner intensity that you have, if you see what I mean.. But we are what we are, not a matter of choice.. Take care :-)
CiaLundTorroll
YOU are one of my heroes.
xoxo,
c.
Jaeda DeWalt:
Cynthia HUG smiling ear-to-ear :)
Christina Rodr...
thank you for posting this…it is good to hear I am not the only artist that suffers from PSTD and bipolar disorder. I also have generalized anxiety disorder. i too use my art to vent emotions I tend to feel deeper and last longer with me….thank you….. :)
Jaeda DeWalt:
Christina, i agree, creating is cathartic and gives our deepest emotions a place to exist and serve. The sharing of our art gives us connection, reminding us we are not alone in our experiences. I am touched you shared this with me and took the time to read my long, long journal entry! Thank you :)
Christina Rodr...
lol, i enjoyed reading your long, long journal entry! It was very comforting, because I can relate to so much…except for the personal experience and the piano lessons! lol, I can relate to all the emotions behind it…it was very comforting. :-) thank you :-)
timbuckley
As we say in Ireland your some woman
Jaeda DeWalt:
Thank you, Tim ;).
Margaret Bryant
i identify with so so much of this. especially item #1. there are times when the sound of the refrigerator will nearly drive me crazy, and i had to leave the dinner table once as a young adult because the sound of my father putting salt on his food nearly made me scream. but at the same time, i can’tunderstand anything that i am hearing when there are multiple sounds going on at once. it just blends into cacaphony.
Jaeda DeWalt:
Thank you for reading about my journey, Margaret. I am touched you took the time to do so.
You describe the experience of PTSD well. It is like having bionic hearing. I relate so well to your description of it. Sounds like you are also super sensitive to sound and that certain sounds can agitate you. There are certain sounds i try to avoid, for sure. Sounds like your sensitivity creates audio chaos and confusion when there are multiple sounds projecting simultaneously. Sound still has the power to make me agitated, angry, incredibly annoyed and worst of all the most mundane, everyday noises can trigger a startle and an adrenaline surge follows and these triggers often interrupt my sleep. Sounds most people aren’t even aware of… as i experience background noise as if it is happening right in front of me.