Detatchment by itsnoteasy

I find that at times when I’m expressing emotion, I split myself in half and while part of me is feeling and expressing that emotion, the other part of me, an emotionless half, is watching myself. I think, oh, look at that, I’m crying, I guess I must be sad. Oh, hey, my voice is faltering, I must be nervous. And sometimes I think, am I really feeling this? Or do I only think I’m feeling this, because I’ve learned that it’s the appropriate feeling to have given the situation? Sometimes I feel like I’m only acting human, going through the motions of emotions like a ritual in accordance to what I’ve observed from others is the appropriate emotions to have. This thought often enters my head during the most extreme of emotional states, and it comes as purely intellectual, with no emotion attatched to the thought.

But I do feel what I feel when I’m feeling it. I’m both these people at the same time, I am both the one who feels it and the one who’s detatched from myself, and I experience being both of these people simultaneously. I don’t know if that makes sense.