Dr Palmer surprised himself by muttering a prayer.
He had no ‘Faith’ – everyone knew that. He shook his head, annoyed. No whispered prayer would bring this girl back to life. Science might. But he’d done everything he could. What harm then, in a prayer?
They studied the girl pulled dead from a freezing river, packed in melting ice. A silence had fallen. Water droplets exploded like bombs on the concrete floor as his team waited.
‘Once more …’ he said, softly.
The charge surged through her body; muscles contracting in a grotesque resemblance of life.
Someone sighed. The team turned away.
Only Dr Palmer noticed the puff of condensation from the bloodless, cold lips, the evidence of residual warmth – that life remains. Ice, once her enemy, had saved her.
‘She’s still here … keep warming her – slowly!’
Under his breath, the good doctor muttered ‘thank you,’ and wondered why.
SylviaHardy, 4 months ago
I really do love this Peter! A very touching story!
Anne van Alkemade
,
4 months ago
Fantastic story. Very very effective.
Now … take out “just” on the third line, remove “Again” and “lifeless” from the ninth line (both are superfluous) and “the” from the fifth last line – and you have your 150 word count!! Yay.
Peter Davidson in reply to SylviaHardy’s comment, 4 months ago
Glad you liked it Sylvia!
Peter Davidson in reply to Anne van Alkemade’s comment, 4 months ago
I hadn’t noticed I’d gorn over the top … tsk. Thanks for spotting those redundant words, got my knife in my hand. So many words are not needed. Done!
Lehane, 4 months ago
I trust it was a holy blade and not a surgeon’s knife used to cut away the excess words here? ;) Well written indeed.
Natella2020, 4 months ago
This is terrific, definitely one of my favorites. A well-written message and a well-heard one at that.
Hilary Robertshaw, 4 months ago
Well you’re back on form. Good, poignant tale. You could lose a “melting” from the 3rd para to tighten it up a touch but apart from that… Fab
Hxx
Peter Davidson in reply to Lehane’s comment, 4 months ago
The Holy Blade cut’eth deepest …
Peter Davidson in reply to Natella2020’s comment, 4 months ago
Thanks Nat!
Peter Davidson in reply to Hilary Robertshaw’s comment, 4 months ago
Thanks, but if i deleted it, would it be understood that the water was from the ice?
Hilary Robertshaw, 4 months ago
Yup I think so. Water is already melted so it can’t melt any more.
Anne van Alkemade
,
4 months ago
I keep re-reading this one Peter. I love the implication, the “faith where there is none”! I would have to say you’re really nailing the Flash Fiction concept.
Peter Davidson in reply to Hilary Robertshaw’s comment, 4 months ago
Ok, it’s removed!
Peter Davidson in reply to Anne van Alkemade’s comment, 4 months ago
I’ll retire now in that case while I’m still ahead.
Yep, that was my point. I’m an atheist, but then again, sometimes …
Hilary Robertshaw, 4 months ago
See, you know it makes sense…
Anne van Alkemade
,
4 months ago
Oh, I hope you don’t retire.
Have a go at the challenges.
Summayyah Sadi..., 4 months ago
I had been meaning to visit…I am glad I did. You really know how to tell a story!
debrakcarey, 4 months ago
Reading your work…may just help me learn what I need to learn….thanks!
JaneAParis, 4 months ago
Your writing is excellent. You show the power of faith, hope, and God even in the faithless. And the power it has to reawaken life. Miraculous!
Nicole Ryan, 2 months ago
so strong !!
excellent writing
MickyMc, about 1 month ago
A very enjoyable and well written piece of flash; and a great story.
Peter Davidson in reply to Nicole Ryan’s comment, about 1 month ago
Thanks Nicole!
Peter Davidson in reply to MickyMc’s comment, about 1 month ago
Cheers Micky!
SilentxPoet, about 1 month ago
Wonderful! :)
Your choice of words and description is amazing.
Peter Davidson in reply to SilentxPoet’s comment, about 1 month ago
Thank you, SP.
Sristy, about 1 month ago
love ur work
Christopher Jo..., about 1 month ago
Thats a good. I like this.
Alan Findlater, about 1 month ago
Really good work well done