He remembered her warmth burning through the softness of the silk like the devil’s tongue as she’d wrapped her legs around his waist. Those stockings had cost him dear, but it was no time to be a virgin.
Seared by flames, half-dead, he was again back within her arms. The useless parachute above, its remaining silk tearing, would become his shroud. Below him his other mistress, his Spitfire, consumed by smoke and flame as if in a jealous rage, led the way to the sea.
Hilary Robertshaw
I think that the concept of this tale is very good, the things we do for love… However, I do think that your execution needs a bit of a polish. I feel that you need some punctuation in the first sentence, comma after warmth and silk perhaps. And I want to know more but that’s me being greedy!
Hx
Peter Davidson replied
Thanks Hilary, I’ve looked at that sentence but by putting in the commas I do feel it interrupts the flow counterpointed by the following sentence. So on balance, I’ll leave it as it is.
deliriousgirl
HOT DAMN! Excellent! Amazing what would flash through the mind at that point, huh?
Peter Davidson replied
Yes, apart from a load of swearing … Cheers!
Miri
excellent stuff, i too wonder what would flash through the mind at that point! nice snapshot of a (scary!) moment in time
Peter Davidson replied
Thanks once again for reading and commenting, Miri, always appreciated|!
Solar Zorra
Wow! what a ride, hot, swirling passion laced with fear…...loved it!
Peter Davidson replied
Janine, thank you, and there is a much longer version due soon …