A Single Lonely Tear

A Single Lonely Tear
By Rain

Sometimes when I am lying in bed, the darkness enveloping me tightly, too tightly, the loneliness setting in, I drift off to sleep, a single lonely tear cascading slowly down my cheek, caressing my skin like an old lovers touch…I feel the Sandman taking me by my hand and drawing me deeper and deeper into his web of tangled truths and forgotten realities. As my eyelids flutter and my mind lets go of its last traces of the here and now, I feel at peace for a moment. I want so badly to hold on to that feeling. I know that if I stay right where I am I can still get out to safety… but the sandman can be cruel and twisted, he drags and he pulls, he always keeps me moving ever downward into the darkness. Suddenly he is gone and I am left alone in darkness so deep and sinister it comes towards me with unseen hands. I try to stay calm but the hair on the back of my neck stands up, I feel a shiver in my spine that won’t go away, eyes watching me, I want to fight the need to turn around and see what is there, maybe if I stay calm I will make it through the night without them finding me. Just stand still, breath quietly…oh no!! I can hear my heart beating so loudly, they will surely hear it too. The voices of a thousand tortured souls waif past me growing more persistent, they come from all directions…I reach out in my sleep, hoping to find comfort, someone wake me please…All I get is a cold sheet beneath my quivering fingertips…the air grows heavier, getting hard to breath, darkness closing in, I am trapped…PLEASE won’t someone wake me, why is there no one that can hear my pleas for help? Why am I alone in my terror?? Then the waiting is over, they have arrived, they come forward in the darkness, taunting, teasing…laughing at me. They try to surround me but I break into a run. I know they will chase me and yes they will catch me but I have to fight this time, no matter the consequences I must fight…I swear to myself they will not take me alive this time, if they must have me it will be a shell. They run so much faster than I can, it feels like I am running through thick murky water, my feet will not rise and fall fast enough. Maybe I can lose them if I turn a corner and hide somewhere, maybe they won’t hear my heart beating out of my chest, maybe they won’t hear my mind screaming for mercy…. they may just pass on by…perhaps this time they will leave without taking my dignity, my pride…my world as I wanted it to be! Shhh I can hear them, they are coming this way now, their footsteps have slowed down. Are they confused? Have they lost me? Or…maybe they are taunting me like a cat after a mouse. NO NO NO NO NO PLEASE NO!!!!! I scream. They found me, they smell like they’ve been rolling around at the brewery, oh that awful smell, I feel rough hands on my arms forcing me down, hear horrible words spat in my face like an animal. My head hits the pavement hard I can feel it swelling already…someone please wake me up; I can’t do this again, not another night of hell. Why am I alone? Why can’t anyone hear my pleas for help? I try to resist, I try to fight, there are so many…they are so strong. I just want to go home, please can’t someone see what is going on, won’t they stop it? Can’t they see what they say about me is not true? As I smell the oils and the trash in the alley I feel my clothing being removed very roughly, they can’t wait to get started…to kill the little girl that wasn’t ready to grow up like this. They laugh and talk about who will go first…Warmth between my legs, something hard pressing against me. Oh God help me it hurts so badly… My eyes open…I am shaking, my body is covered in sweat but my skin is cold. I can still smell them, I am back in my room…alone. And a single lonely tear cascades slowly down my cheek, caressing my skin like an old lovers touch…cold and unfeeling!!

Everything in life happens for a reason, even something as senseless, hurtful and terrifying as this.

Journal Comments

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