There were times
when I was mad and nauseous
that the big barn door of my mind
swung open
so far, it nearly cracked it’s hinges;
And I stared, eyes wild,
into the night.
Sometimes,
even in this normal life
I get a glimpse of that other world
again, if only briefly.
Like today, when I feel tired, my muscles ache,
my head’s too full:
Of heels tapping on pavements
gum splodges and the sound of rain;
Other people’s conversations… Their fears.
The shine has gone off the world
as it really stands today,
and I feel myself drawn back to the time
that the big barn door swung open
and I stared, eyes wild, into the night.
If I chose to,
I could step onto the grass
and feel the dew through my toes
again. The possibility of spring!
But it’s nice here, in the grey.
Holding a hot water bottle
to my stomach,
where I ache and long to reject,
so much.
I want to regurgitate the past.
So I’m waiting for the dew to dry on the blades
underfoot
and to fall back in love with the world
as I know it now.
Some days I think I’ve seen too much.