She sits there, the bottle of pills in her hand, her water next to her. She clicks play on her laptop, the soothing sounds of a guitar being played pour out in an all too familiar tune. She puts one pill in her mouth, downing it with her water.

“I heard there was a secret chord,
That David played and it pleased the Lord.
But you don’t really care for music, do ya?”

Her eyes close, letting the music take over her. Tears continue to pour out of her eyes. Her anti-depressants weren’t working today. Her back presses against the chair as she kicks her feet up, grabbing her phone. She sends a text message to her estranged husband, not knowing that her fingers weren’t working correctly. Another pill. Text sent.

“Your faith was strong,
But you needed proof.
You saw her bathing on the roof,
Her body in the moonlight overthrew ya.
She tied you to her kitchen chair.
She broke your throne,
And she cut your hair.
And through your lips, she drew
Hallelujah.”

She continued to enjoy the chords playing her favorite song. A fitting song to hear as she performed this act. Her children ran through the house, trying to enjoy their summer despite the fact that their father had left them in a way that no man should ever have to. They watch their mother, she smiles, showing them no signs of the act that she’s doing, hiding the pills next to her, another one in her hand. Pain killers that she may need someday, she downed anyway. She just wanted to sleep it all off.

“There was a time,
When you’d let me know,
What’s really going on below, but,
Now you never show that to me, do ya?
Remember when I moved in you,
The Holy Ghost was moving to it,
And every breath we drew was
Hallelujah.”

Another pill, another text. Sleep, sleep, sleep. All she wanted was some sleep. He had yet to respond. He didn’t love her the same way that she loved him. She would choose him over her very own self. She would choose him above everything. She’d end it all if she could be with him for just one more night. Everyone could see it. No one was as blind as she’d hoped they’d be. Yet another pill, she needed more water.

“Well, maybe there’s a God above,
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was to shoot somebody who outdrew ya.
Well it’s not a crime to cure your lie
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light.
It’s a cold and it’s a broken
Hallelujah.”

She could feel it now. Sleep was coming, but she needed one more to cure her pain. Her hands shook as she grabbed another pill from the bottle and set it on her tongue, looking over and seeing she had no water. She saw her kids looking at her, curious eyes trying as hard as they could to grasp the situation. She smiled it off and moved her tongue to swallow the last painkiller that she needed.

Her eyes closed and she leaned her head back in her chair. It was done now. The pain was gone. If only for a little while.

“Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.”