JOHN'S A TAXI MAN

John was a big, black, fat, jovial, flirtatious, charismatic ‘Teddy Bear’ sort of guy, who all the lady passengers trusted and loved, and indeed some of them did! He had not always been a taxi driver and many male passengers did not see the loving side of this man, John. Our man John was a bad assed, foul mouthed, cut your throat, mean mutha-fucka to any of the guys who tried to have him on, if you get my drift!

“City, driver, and don’t spare da horses”, John heard from the rear seat, which sent a shiver up his spine, straight up to the tiny shock of hair at the back of his head. His ‘tiny tuffet’ of hair he would advise to the ladies, and “would you like to touch it”, he would ask in that suggestive sort of way, implying another part of his anatomy. While the tuffet did a little shake, the rest of his head was serene, as it had been grazed the night before by his razor. He was proud of his hair, made him unique.

The man was Tony La Pushia, of the Chicago La Pushias and Tony used to say, “I’ll pushia you, however, I like!” but he was seriously a man with no personality. Tony was dead serious, as he talked on his mobile, and ‘Johnnie boy’ as Tony used to call him could hardly keep a straight face, but nobody laughed at ‘Big Tony, the tiger’; big in some ways, but small in others. One lady laughed as Tony pulled down his daks one night, and well, she lost one of her babushkas or bazookas, what ever!

“Hey driver, where can a man get some action in this town ,” the tiger growled.

“St Kilda,” John replied, “Ackland Street.” Not another word was spoken, until the $50 fare was paid with a hundred dollar bill.

“Keep the change, driver. Hey, I like you and trust you, so tonight you come back and show me all the sights of St. Kilda, hey, and I promise you big Yankee dollars.”

Our ‘Johnny boy’ could sweet-talk the knickers off a whore, or cut her throat with the flick of the blade he kept up his sleeve. He was a big, black, fat assed, ‘cunning as a fox’, ruthless mutha-fucka about to have his ‘moment in time’.

Tomorrow’s headlines would read “Chicago Gangland Boss Assassinated In Australia” with an opening sentence as follows: ‘Tony la Puccia’s body was found today on a St Kilda beach in Melbourne, in Australia. The underworld is whirling with the news of ‘Big Tony’s’ death and the ramifications this will have on the pecking order in gangland Chicago. All of the other Chicago families deny responsibility, ‘it must have been a rejection from the Melbourne Mob!’ they proclaim. Forensics had trouble identifying the body, because it had been tortured and mutilated much in the style of a ‘Tony la Puccia, the tiger’ murder……

JOHN'S A TAXI MAN

hugo

Ringwood, Australia

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