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Hang On (Poem)

Shadows have fallen
My future seems to have already past
Crept up on me upon my closed path
Looming never colder than ever before
Overtaking my struggling need to be sure
Cast stranded offering a laugh at my door
I don´t know quite what to say
Or why things turned out this way
But I could swear I´ve waited here once before

By you, I thought I did what I was told
To not look back and ever remain old
Guarded the paths of justice
Safe from the ways of the adultress
¨I’ve done no wrong¨ she said
¨I´ll give you shelter from the storm¨
But I kept my head
And remembered love was already born
Ordered sacrifice in style, ignoring the devil crowded in the alley
Didn´t put myself to shame, didn´t reject your name
Selected next of kin from the file of those already down in the valley
But I must have taken situations for granted
Learnt lessons that somehow didn´t unfold

Covering my tracks
So no-one can see what it is that I´ve lacked
Praising faithfulness with every move
What was I trying to prove?
The distant strains of triumph of decisions put on hold
Retrained in the right ways
So that maybe now I cannot stray
What exactly did I do or not do
To get stuck without folly inside this maze?
Wandering out of all of its ways
Hurrying out of every new craze
Into this near empty room
Where I have learnt to see
The echoing ruins of certainty

Taught young to question
And that it was to be or not to be
Keeping doorways open
Dignity now finding me
Asking you the question
I´m afraid I´m struggling to
Hear the answer to
The lives of my heart standing still
Unable to mourn and give me my fill
Looking for something in the dark eyes
Of wise guardians of the poor
That don´t look so surprised

Was my little boy found stoned
At the crossroads of wisdom?
Feels like someone took one of my bones
I can´t even remember
What it was I came in here to get away from
I believe I didn´t want to leave it behind
You left me with letters old and new
With words too harsh to be anything but kind
Pages of people crowded with solitude
Where did you write them?
Same place from where I was sent?
And what´s this? you left them unsigned

You told me to go home to my friends
I always did buy and not pay the rent
You asked me what am I waiting for
But you know I can´t start again
It´s strangers that now act as my friends
Young men rapping at my door
Walking in shoes that I once wore
But I´ve grown deaf and they had to leave fast
They must have heard a new clef
Must be one that rejoices
Or was it just you?

Why must I forsake the same voices
That have left me here before?
I can´t leave now
Nothing I can undo
Nothing that will last
A changed man sending out books
Waving goodbye as nobody looks
Screaming help in forms
Of always busy being born
Led out of temptation
Surely into what doubt brings

I can´t file on
Through the narrow passages of gain
The sky is not ready to open
Nothing is pouring down
Everything is in vain
Its not dark yet but its getting there
Bird in a cage, I just stare as it sings
Paying attention to the syntax of things
The flowers you sent me have started to bleed
From the earth that you lent me and corruptible seed
Outcasts must have been misplaced or misplanted
Anticipating the final wedding bell´s ring
Defiled dogs from the dark depths of prayer
Guard your gate spread anything but thin

Thought I had eyes in my head
But I ended up here instead
Took a raincheck on freedom´s games
Though it’s somewhere inside of this room
My name faded whilst washing all of my robes
But hang on, I´m coming to see you soon
Soon as I find my oldest, filthiest clothes

Hang On (Poem)

hudson

Kingston Heights, New Zealand

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poem poetry

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