Praise the Lord and Pass the Collection Plate

Helen, I applaud this piece…with all the starvation and need of Christians throughout the world….
the Pope sits in splendor…the priests eat so well…and the little children starve…it is a very sad
situation…that the Church has now become big business….Jesus’ ideals are certainly not
carried out in many places of worship…I am sure He weeps for those who hunger and those
who die because of malnutrition and those who live on the streets…but I am sure he weeps
mostly for the Churches that do not follow Him….but follow the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$....
An excellent piece…..Hugs, Sally xxxxoooo

Ain’t it the truth!
and step over that homeless guy on your way to church

I should have said the need of EVERYONE ….................I think everyone who is in need … no
matter what religion, gender or race….should be helped and treated with respect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one of my own pet peeves…
for being vocal and spewing out the hypocrisies among a few other things I was excommunicated from the Church until I repented and asked forgiveness
It always pissed me off that The Vatican was so rich and it parishes around the world still had to ask for money…only the money in the poor box supposedly went to the poor not what was from the collection plates..let’s see 4 masses on sunday one on saturday night…holding bazaars and gambling (ah Jesus would approve of that), raffles. etc, not to mention they asked folks to give $400 towards a new chapel..my folks couldn’t afford that….sickening…there are some faiths who want half your work income…sheesh…God needs alot of money….he must have a Swiss bank account by now….

I heard that Jesus is driving McCains’ “Battle Bus”- he offered his services to the cause but was unable to score a decent gig in the set up, as he was not deemed to be “Christian enough” and would probably say or do something embarrassing, causing awkward questions to be asked about his Lineology- “Jesus, there is an allegation that you are actually a Jew, from Jewland and you are therefore an alien and automatically, a Terrorist”........

LOVE IT HELEN ! BANG ON HON ! Nailed to a tee , your way with words …. Excellent !!!!!!!!

AMEN Darling , you should be running for office !!! xxxxxx

Thy Kingdom comes, Thy will be done,
On Earth as it is in Heaven.
And give us this day
Our multigenerational breads.

Amen. In my religion we pay to pray, too. We pay extra on the holiest days of the year or we can’t even enter the building. No ticket, no salvation. Worst part is that most of the money collected goes to support another country, not the very one that gave them the freedom to pray.

No ticket and you’re left outside in the parking lot where the loudspeakers will carry the service outside to you. Sort of like a tailgate party complete with entertainment.

hmmmm, an unmarried mother?

Sarah Palin would’nt have stood for that- she’d have shotgunned god into marrying mary, in no time….....

This so true dearest Mother! And let me just say Thank-you for not raising in around such insanity…
I went to local church a couple years ago and they wanted a paycheck stub, so as to see how much money God needed!
That was the last time I went to that church. I think it was called, ” Church of the Holy Washington” LOL!
Seriously…this is a sick way to express faith!
What happened to the souls, before money?

Thank-you for Not raising me around such insanity.
(opps!)

sinner….chuckle

damn you made me laugh. how true those words are. tom

I believe that God still has a great sense of humor; the modern christians are failed clowns, God still let them perform.

I must admit I understand your piece. i got out of the catholic church years ago. I freaked when i see the guy on TV asking for$1000 from each person.Nuts. this is not godly. I don’t go to church.I used to belong to a group that was called a cult.They taught the bible, yep I leaned it well. So they throw me out because I spoke up about the error of their teaching. now when I go see churches they want you to sign a paper believing in 3 gods(trinity). That’s not in the bible, They say JC is God, not in the bible. I want to start my own fellowship, that way I know the facts will be right & the money will go to good causes. Until then I stay home, teach my own kids.

Helen! You are a classic!
And I second your beautiful daughter’s opinion too.
Religion is such a weapon of control…....
This poem made me laugh but the sad fact remains…..this is so true….and most people are so blind they hand over control of their spiritual wellbeing to others…that is the last freedom they should be relinquishing….

Tops.
It made me think of this

I once bought a crucifix, the shop assistant asked did i want a plane one or the one with the little man on . maybe she had a handle on it .

I would be pmsl if it wasnt true!!! Very brilliant piece of writing helen!! And by god (woops) you have nailed it!!!!!!!! I was raised a catholic too… our parents were not rich and I used to see a new pair of shoes as the money went into the basket!! And you know what…. I cannot remember what the Catholic church used to do for our little community??? I do know they turned their back on someone and shunned them – and they REALLY needed help!!!!!!!!! Dispicable!!
I cannot believe that some churches SELL tickets to get in!!!! Now that is JUST NOT RIGHT!!!
This makes my blood boil….bunch of bloody hypocrites if you ask me…. Beat your wife up all week but put a few bob in the basket on sunday and all is forgiven!!!! Bullshit!
Okay….off my soapbox now…. See what you have done!!! LOL… :) love ya helen x

Oh.. and michael – hilarious!!! Probably paid extra for the nails too!!!

Funny how no one will ever be good enough , or do enough works, or give enough. but God says- all it takes is faith or believing in his son Jesus Christ & that God raised him from the dead, it is FREE, unmerited favor.

There is a Church in upstate New York that has a turn style entrance…you have to put you money in to enter

Janet!!! Are you kidding me!!!!! NO!!! That is wrong on every level!!!!

Brilliant piece Helen. Wonderful !!!

Any idea where I can buy some Indulgences. I think I might need some after killing that priest that sodomised me and my brother….

I know that there are churches and clergy who are the sin of greed, as well as other sins, just as there are individuals- no matter their belief, who are guilty of the same sins. We’re all sinners, since we all fall short of the glory of God. However, I’ve found most leadership, as well as the general membership in various churches to be sincerely engaged in doing the work of God; that is, living the words of Jesus, by teaching love for God and love one to another- in word and in deed. There are hypocrites in and out of religion, but a true follower of Jesus Christ lives what was taught on the Sermon on the Mount and knows that faith, hope and charity are not only lofty principles in theory but find their place in the living of lives devoted to God. I believe in free expression and the right of each of us to choose what we will or won’t believe, but to generalize about Christians and clergy is wrong, just as it is wrong for Christians to make negative, mocking assumptions about non-Christians. Linda McCarthy

I understand it was “written about the hypocrites,” Helen..and I merely pointed out that there are hypocrites in and out of religion. In my opinion, your entire poem is a generalization and a stereotypical commentary on the clergy that has very little basis in fact. No offence intended.

“Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Ground Control to Major Tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may God’s love be with you”

Oopsadaisy just think about Major Tom…I think this is so well written and directed at the Pharisees…who have but one king…Ceaser and they are engaged in a commercial enterprise of religion…..hypocrite faux Christians…

“This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I’m stepping through the door
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today”

What is reality and what is religion in this reality (?)...a back and forth of ideologues most of it is nonsense…like how many angels on a pinhead (just kidding I think one million will do plus or minus hey it was debated by you guess ha ha)....

“ am I floating round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do.?

Christians dialing for dollars…praise the Lord and “gimme gimme some fried chicken”....Bravo to you!!!!! (I is a non sequitur)....one God many religions…or many religions and no God…Ground control to Major Tom…..the Church of Major Tom just incorporate and pass the plate.

“For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do.”

I thought it was a great poem. And i have been through my share of church drama! : ( sad, but true and it started at a very young age. I dont know if i believe in church anymore…it was something sacred and then our own opinions about the way things should go became priority over the way God runs it! So now i feel when I go to church I dont know who to trust. I mean all i think about is if the lady runnin up and down the isle is really feeling the holy ghost or is she just advertising for the church!! it may be wrong, but its honest…and thats more than i can say for the leadership ive come across…
Nevertheless, MY relationship with God continues….without the middle man!

For the most part I do believe that Church funds are misused and abused but that is not always the case. i come from a small church of less than 20 adults in the congregation and 30-40 children in the congregation. My Pastor and his family paid the rent on our building,the utilities, the supplies to run the church. They paid this out of thier love of Preaching God’s word and reaching the lost. Those of us who worked in the Church (myself being one of them I taught children’s church on wednesdays and saturday’s and did several outreaches and children’s programs) did so for no pay. We helped in every way we could. With a small adult congregation and children who came without parents you can tell the church was not brining in a lot of revenue and what did come in was spent on children’s programs including providing Holiday gift and food packages to the families of the 30-40 children whose parents did not attend, missions that our church sponsored and that was about it. The rest of what was paid for was paid for out of our Pastor’s pockets and he was not a rich man and his sacrifices were many. So yes it is abused alot but not always.

That is very true. For a long time I was disenchanted by Churches because of the missappropriation of funds and lack of care. I was fortunate to have the 3 really good experiences in my life. I am still looking for a spiritual home here in Florida after having been here 3 years.

Excellent Helen sweetheart! XO

Great Poem Helen, it must be divinely inspired ;-)

Absolutely brilliant. A truly exceptional piece of satire.

FABULOUS…CONGRATS ON YOUR FEATURE….

TAMMY FAYE AND JIM BAKER DIDNT HAVE DIDDLY SQUAT ON THE….

RIGHT WING ~ GUN TOTTING ~ DOCTOR KILLING ~CHURCH BURNING ~ RACIAL MURDERING ~ BIGGOTED ~ GAY BEATING ~ CHRISTIANS OF TODAY!!!

WELL SAID!!!

We don’t have so many TV channels (don’t pay for pay TV!!) ... had the misfortune to listen to one of these religion mongers asking for money to pay for his private freakin’ jet!!

Awesome! You know my dad asked my cousin when he was 5 years old “Who do you want to be when you grow up”. And he said “A priest. Cause people give him money and he doesn’t have to work.” Well it’s not quite true, but anyway there is too much of greed in today’s church… =(

BRILLIANT HELEN!! YOU SOCKED IT TO THE HYPOCRITES WITH THIS ONE!!!! THEIR REAL GOD IS MAMMON!!! BRAVO!! X

AND CONGRATS ON THE FEATURE!!!