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Dear Guitar

From: Paul Hickson <chersnumberonefan@yahoo.co.uk>
To: acousticguitar123@compuserve.com
Sent: Sunday, 20 May, 2012 22:19:13
Subject: Sorry :( …BTW did you see Sesame street the other day? fo shiz the best episode ever, it was about the letter L… awesome!

Dear Guitar (Steven)

How are you? Happy Hanukah, sorry it’s a bit late, better late than never right? I hope this is the right Email address, I figured I’d contact you via email, ya know, seeing as that’s what people do nowadays, except those Amish people, they don’t care much for technology.

Erm so anyway the reason I’m writing today is really to apologise for not giving you any attention for the past 6 years. I do have an excuse erm, I’ve been wicked busy ya know, doing… stuff… like erm, writing a musical about the life of Bruce Willis, entitled Bruce Willis the musical oh and on top of that I’ve set up my own business enterprise, it’s a lemonade stand outside our house. It’s going reasonably well but this double dip recession has really hit the lemonade industry hard! I guess people can’t afford to be thirsty anymore. Erm Anywho, the other day as I was recreating my favourite scenes from Saved by the bell with my Star wars action figures, I noticed you in the corner of my bedroom all lonely and collecting dust and it really made me feel bad… I’d have come over and said hey but it might have been a bit, ya know… awkward, like when you bump into an ex in the street and you’re all like “hey, oh my gosh it’s you, the person I loved for 3 years but then ripped out my heart and stamped on it… how are things?”

I guess the reason why I’ve neglected you for so long is because, now don’t hate me when I say this… is because I only bought you just so I could impress a super hot girl back in High school who was like really into musicians. Yeah it’s true, but then she eloped with that chubby nerdy band geek so it was all a complete waste of time. Damn him! He may have had low self-esteem but he played the triangle like a friggin pro! Now he’s on tour with Nickleback.

Well that’s pretty much all I wanted to say, you probably hate me round about now but I just thought I’d tell you how sorry I am for ignoring you for all these years, no guitar should be silent, but it could be worse right? You could be one of Roger Daltry’s guitars, ya know the guy from the Who, I mean they smash up their instruments after every show… Can you imagine? Their back up instruments must be shitting themselves! Oh and Jimmy Hendrix, he used to set his guitars on fire! On fire man! I don’t think he owned a single guitar that didn’t have 3rd degree burns!

So it’s not all bad, I mean Who knows, maybe another super hot girl who’s into musicians will come along… actually I heard that girls are really into sophisticated men now, so I thought I might start smoking one of those vintage pipes to make me seem more intelligent… I wouldn’t actually smoke it though, not after that coughing fit I performed in front of all the cool kids when I falsely told them I’d smoked before… yep, that’s how I got the nickname David Du”chough”ny…

Sincerely

Paul

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Comments

  • Sheryl Gerhard
    Sheryl Gerhardover 2 years ago

    ROFLMFBO!!!!!!!!!!! And I’m in tears from laughing so hard. Paul, you are so,so gifted, my friend. Please keep the laughter coming. xox

  • Hahahaha!! it gives me so much joy to make you “ROFLMFBO” lol thanks so much for reading Sheryl! :) xoxo

    – Paul Hickson

  • Vicki Spindler (VHS Photography)
    Vicki Spindler...over 2 years ago

    Just fab!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!! (I’m giggling away and my hamster is looking at me in a weird way….) Thank you so much for making me laugh once again, I really needed it!! Great work as always Paul!!!!! :))))))))))))))))) Hugs x x x

  • haha aww I can so imagine that lol!! thanks so much for reading Vicki!! xoxo

    – Paul Hickson

  • markhadafairday
    markhadafairdayover 2 years ago

    I just love your craziness. this is fantastic to say the least. lmfao

  • hahaha!! thanks mate!!

    – Paul Hickson

  • Donna19
    Donna19over 2 years ago

    Precious Paul. I love your imagination and heart. How funny and all over the board! Truly a great way to start my monday morning.

  • aww thats so sweet of you Donna :) thank you so much for reading, I dont have much of a social life at the moment so I talk to my guitar from time to time lol thanks again Donna! x

    – Paul Hickson

  • autumnwind
    autumnwindover 2 years ago

    LMAO! You are too funny! Glad someone faved this. Yes, thank you Donna. Thank you Paul…..you are a charm. XOXOXOXXOXOXO

  • aww thank you so much! I really do appreciate you taking the time to read it! :) xoxox

    – Paul Hickson

  • Maree Cardinale
    Maree Cardinaleover 2 years ago

    hahahaha thanks Donna and Shar :))
    Oh and you too Paul…. what a lovely mind you have :)))))))
    Please ask Sheryl what the hell the B stands for in ROFLMFBO? (bum? boobs? baboon?)

  • aww thanks Maree, thank you so much for reading, super happy that you enjoyed it :) I think the B stands for bum, im pretty fluent in text speak, yeah I took a Rosetta stone class in text speak lol

    – Paul Hickson

  • kenroome
    kenroomeover 2 years ago

    Dear Paul,
    So sorry to hear of your guitar’s plight, but glad to know you’ve moved on. I really think though you should abandon the Bruce Willis gig in favor of turning the Saved by the Bell scenes into a musical…along the lines of “Star Wars and Peace” Maybe you could have them do a line dance with light sabers to Earth Wind and Fire’s “You’re a Shining Star”. (I know, I’m confusing decades). Any who, you’re a fab writer now, so get out to the clubs with that writer self-deprecating humor and score some booty!

    Your friend and admirer,
    ken

  • haha I like your ideas Ken, I think you may be onto something there! yeah my Bruce Willis the musical did not get the best of reviews from the critics, in fact one of them said “Bruce willis the musical is the worst thing I have ever seen, I would rather run naked through a bees nest than watch that musical again” and that was one of the better reviews…
    thanks a lot for reading buddy much appreciated :)

    – Paul Hickson

  • Arco Iris  R
    Arco Iris Rover 2 years ago

    I love this!!!! Very witty and had me a good laugh today.

  • hey so glad you enjoyed it Iris! thanks so much for reading :)

    – Paul Hickson

  • Rivendell7
    Rivendell7over 2 years ago

    Wacky, love it, really funny Paul, you have a real talent with words. Love the bit about The Who – I bet Pete Townsend’s next guitar was petrified! And they were always Gibsons, too!! Hope the guitar finds someone to make love to it soon, they need it ;-) Mine does otherwise she gets the sulks and goes out of tune!
    Good times,
    Dave ;-)

  • Hey Dave, please forgive me for the incredibly late reply, im so so sorry, thank you for reading this piece almost a year ago lol I really appreciate it :) haha yeah there was another girl who came along who was also interested in musicians so me and the old guitar got together again and I realised pretty quickly that I am completely inept at playing guitar, even though I am a master at the video game guitar hero. It turns out no matter how good you are on Guitar hero it means nothing on a real guitar lol :(
    Thanks again buddy, take care
    Paul

    – Paul Hickson

  • Susie Peek
    Susie Peekover 2 years ago

    Brilliant writing Paul … have to fave this one to show my son later ~ he could have written this ha ha ……. have to confess I’ve watched Pete Townsend live when he’s smashed up guitars … and don’t get me started on Hendrix … his concerts were fantastic :)

  • Hey Susie so sorry for the super late reply, thanks so much for reading this over a year ago lol wow you saw the Who play live? that must have been amazing! Probably a little less enjoyable for the guitars though lol :)

    – Paul Hickson

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